Love from A to Z(63)
I immediately got up, made my way to his side.
He wiped his eyes with the bottom of his T-shirt and spoke through his tears. “What I can’t get over with Mom’s death is not her death; it’s how I wish I could have helped her more. I don’t feel like I did enough.”
“Dad, you were there for Mom. I remember so clearly. You were unbelievable, with your support.” He really was. So much that, in my head, I couldn’t see Mom at the end of her life without seeing Dad somewhere in the background, ready to help, ready to do something. And everything.
“You know how I like to research?” He wiped his eyes again and looked at me.
I nodded, kneeling to put my arm around his shoulder.
“I’ve now learned that there is so much out there that I wish we could have at least tried, instead of sitting back and watching Mom’s MS progress.”
“But you did what you could with what you knew then.”
“But that information was available then, too. I just never looked for it.” He let the tears fall again.
I let him cry, and me a bit too. “But, Dad, you yourself taught me not to look back. Just forward and ask for guidance moving on, forgiveness for the past.”
He took a breath and swallowed before putting an arm out to me. “You’re right, but I still haven’t learned to take my own advice.”
“That’s okay.”
“Look at me, crying about the past, when you’ve got something to face in the present.” He gripped my shoulder. “But I promise you: You’ll never face it alone. As long as I’m alive.”
“And as long as Hanna’s alive.” I swallowed and smiled. “I guess that’s why I came back home.”
“You did right. In leaving school. And I’m so glad you have something to focus on too, with your making things and your workshop. You’re going to be okay. I’ll be here to make sure of it.”
The timer on my phone went off, and I thought about the lasagna and the salad waiting already. And Hanna coming down, holding her newly arranged rock-collection display case, most probably. “I’m just glad to be home.”
We both stood, and, though it was the first thing on my mind, Dad reached for a hug before I did. When we broke apart, he smiled. “I can’t wait to see my Boba Fett helmet, so tell your friend to send it over right away.”
As I silenced the timer and we made our way to the patio doors, I had a sudden thought. Ms. Raymond is the best.
Without her prepping Dad, I don’t know if it would have gone like it had.
ZAYNEB
SUNDAY, MARCH 17
ODDITY: ADAM
EXHIBIT A: AT THE MUSEUM, when he showed me who he was.
Someone with zero awareness of what was going on in the world.
? ? ?
I pushed his care for Hanna out of my head.
I pushed his struggles with his diagnosis out of my head too.
I pushed him completely out of my head.
? ? ?
As soon as I let myself into the apartment, I texted Kavi. Talk? On FT?
Auntie Nandy, who’d been sitting on the couch, immediately got up and walked swiftly by me to her bedroom, her phone stuck to an ear.
She closed her door tight.
What’s that all about?
Walking into the living room, I undid my hijab and threw it at the big couch.
It landed on the arm of the single chair.
An image of Adam, hooked up to the IV machine, presented itself in my head. I calmly walked over to the chair, the Adam chair, and sat in it, to claim it back.
Why wasn’t Kavi replying? I checked Instagram and saw I’d missed the latest story from her.
A shot of an arrow pointing at an inbox with an e-mail from SAIC. A shot of her face overjoyed. A shot of Noemi, grinning big, beside her, then one of Nhu making a surprised O with her mouth.
Kavi got into SAIC?
I FaceTimed her. It rang and rang, so I hung up and tried again.
At the third try, she picked up, but with only audio. Audio of yelling. “ZAY!”
“CONGRATULATIONS! Oh my God!” I burst. “Your number one choice!”
“Thanks! I’m doing a mini celebration!” she shouted again, and I suddenly noticed the noise around her. “Waiting for you to come home for the real one!”
“I’m so proud of you! I knew you’d get in!”
“Sorry, wait. I can’t hear you fully! Let me get to a better spot!”
“What’re you doing? I mean, where are you?”
“It’s a VR adventure place, MAZETOWN! So cool! We gotta take you when you get here!” It became quieter. She stopped yelling. “I just stepped outside. It’s like crazy loud in there. We finished eating, so we’re getting ready to go on the Galápagos tour. Zay, we have to get suited up and everything, so we can dive and swim with the sharks and sea turtles. I’m going to be in heaven!”
Kavi loves marine life. Her entire portfolio to get into art school was sea creatures done in different mediums.
“Have tons of fun.” I pulled my legs onto the couch and smiled, happy for her. “Mazetown. Must be a new place. Never heard of it before.”
“No, it’s not in Springdale. Noemi drove us to Indianapolis. Me, Nhu, and Ayaan.”
“Oh wow. Are you guys staying there?”