Love from A to Z(45)

“Choose your poison,” she announced.

I chose a bag of Doritos. She picked out a can of Pepsi and another bag of Doritos, different flavor. “Pop?” she offered, holding out a can of Pepsi.

I accepted it, slightly worried about her. “Did something happen, Auntie Nandy? Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” She tore open the bag of chips. “Just taking it easy tomorrow. I decided to take a day off of work, early start to spring break.”

“Oh, yay! Does that mean we can go to Katara?”

“No, Zoodles, I’ll be home but busy. We’ll have to do Katara another day.” Auntie Nandy crunched chips and looked at me for a while, like she was considering me. “I’m sorry it hasn’t been a fun trip for you so far, Zayneb.”

“No, it’s been good.” I shrugged. I did like chilling here.

“But you’ve been mostly stuck in this apartment.”

“No I haven’t. I went to the mall, went to a shelter, went to a zoo, went swimming, went to Souq Waqif two times. Actually, it will be three times, because I’m meeting the Emmas there tomorrow.” I took a swig of my Pepsi. “That’s a lot of stuff!”

Auntie Nandy sat up. “When are you going to the souk tomorrow?”

“One o’clock.”

“Perfect. I have a meeting at that time. If you get back home from the souk by four, I can see if we can go somewhere fun together in the evening. Maybe go eat dinner on the Pearl.”

“Oh, that would be amazing!” The Pearl was this man-made island with a gorgeous waterfront all the way around it. Mom was always showing me pictures that Auntie Nandy would post, eating at different fancy restaurants or shopping at high-end boutiques there.

“I’ll take you to my favorite French restaurant.” She crunched more chips and laughed. “But today, let’s eat good ol’-fashioned junk. Just don’t tell your mom, okay?”

I nodded and put my head on her shoulder and turned up the volume on Sweet Tooth, intent on recharging myself with more of Auntie Nandy’s warmth.





ODDITY: JEALOUSY, THE TINY KIND


Exhibit A: Kavi doing stuff with Noemi.

I lay in bed, and it wouldn’t leave me. That feeling of fear mixed with sadness.

I should have known they were getting tight when Noemi had shown up in our—Kavi’s and my—Situation Room at the library.

When I get back home after this Doha trip, they’ll have even more stories—not just on Instagram—between them, more stuff I wasn’t a part of, and maybe more stuff I won’t understand. An image of them laughing together, while I stood by, flashed in my head.

Like the inside art joke about Noemi’s locker.

I didn’t get it.

I didn’t like it.

? ? ?

I don’t like that other thing either, but it isn’t in any sense close to what I’m feeling about Kavi and Noemi—of course and completely.

In fact, if I think about it, it’s the exact opposite of Kavi and Noemi.

Noemi is the one infringing on me and Kavi.

But in the second case, I’m the interloper.

I’m the one who thought of the possibility of us two when there was already a pair there.

Adam and Emma Phillips.

? ? ?

Wow.

I need to retreat all the way to the old me. The one who doesn’t get so hot and bothered by stupid stuff like this.

I’m someone who gets consumed by stuff. It engulfs me, wraps me up in its embrace, and doesn’t let me be until I’ve deal with it.

I sat up in bed.

I don’t like getting consumed by things like jealousy and . . . lust.

Yet I want to get consumed. Because I like winning. I like things getting dealt with.

Like the high I got when Auntie Nandy took on Marc and won.

Maybe I need something to take on all the time. That I can actually win.

That’s actually good to win. Because it isn’t just for me.

“Winning” Adam, or even Kavi, isn’t going to make the world a better place. And it involves their feelings.

Yeah, let people be however they want to be, Zayneb. Your high can come from something else.

I smiled. Today was supposed to be for victories, and this was another one.

I’m going to be me.

I’m not going to back down from Fencer. I’m going to out him myself.

Kavi and Noemi can do all they want over there. Find information, help Ayaan, become friends, fall more for each other, whatever.

I have everything I need right here in Doha: @StoneWraith14.

And the ability to investigate online deep into the night.





ADAM


THURSDAY, MARCH 14


ODDITY: JUSTIFIED ENDS


I WOKE UP TO THE unusual scenario of actual voice calls—two of them—happening simultaneously. My phone, on the dresser, was ringing as Connor stood by my bed, nudging me awake, holding out his phone. He’d opted to sleep on the floor of the guest room I stayed in, in case I needed anything.

His arm was now across his stomach, holding the top of the sleeping bag that was encasing his legs. He must have hopped over with it like some kind of weird, bouncy caterpillar.

I can see the colors of the plaid lining the sleeping bag. Red, green, and white.