Love Letters to the Dead(69)

“Someone has to find out, Han. He’s hurting you.”

“But what if I get sent away somewhere?”

“We won’t let that happen. No way I am losing you. My mom won’t want me to, either. She, um, she more or less knows about us now, because I more or less told her, after the party when I got super depressed. So you might have to stay in a separate room or something.” Then Natalie added, with a little smile, “But you know, there are always her date nights.”

Hannah laughed at this. Then she asked, “Are you sure it will be all right?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

So after school, we went to Natalie’s house to talk to her mom. Hannah kept wiping her palms on her dress, and her eyes were darting everywhere, but Natalie’s mom stayed calm the whole time, and eventually Hannah started to relax. Natalie’s mom said of course Hannah could stay there until Jason left for the Marines, or for as long as she needed. But she wanted to make sure that Hannah’s grandparents knew what was going on, and that Hannah understood that if necessary they could get a restraining order against Jason. She said that as long as Hannah was safe, she would respect her wishes about whether to report him, because she understood how complicated things could be. She said that the most important thing is that Hannah was taking steps to get herself out of a bad situation. And she told Hannah that she knew how hard it could be to do that, especially when you are afraid, and that she was proud of her. Natalie’s mom is a great mom.

She offered to talk to Hannah’s grandparents, but Hannah said that she thought it would be better if she was the one to do it. Of course none of us wanted to let her go alone, so Natalie and I drove with her on the highway toward the red dirt hills. We were hoping that by the time we got to her house, Jason would be on a workout. He usually goes late in the afternoon, Hannah said. But as Natalie pulled up to Hannah’s driveway and parked, Hannah didn’t want to get out.

“This is a bad idea,” she said, breathing fast.

“You can do it,” Natalie said. Then she got out of the car, and I followed, and finally Hannah did, too.

We went in, and after Hannah looked around to make sure Jason was gone, she knocked on her grandpa’s bedroom door. He opened it, looking like he was only half-awake. Hannah pointed to her cheek, but not a word came out. Her grandpa squinted at her, confused, until finally he saw it.

“Jason did it,” Hannah whispered.

“What?” he said, and turned up his hearing aid.

Hannah kept whispering, and her grandpa kept not hearing, until finally Hannah shouted, “Jason did it!”

Hannah’s grandpa shook his head at first, like he didn’t understand. “Was there an accident?”

Hannah just looked back at him, tears running down her cheeks. She said, loudly, “It’s okay. I’m going to stay at Natalie’s house for a while. Until it’s time for him to leave, okay? I don’t want you to worry.”

Her grandpa’s face turned pale, and he nodded, bewildered.

“Will you make sure to take care of Buddy and Earl? While I’m gone?”

Her grandpa promised that he would.

After Hannah said bye to him, we went to her room to help her pack. Natalie got to work, folding clothes really carefully into the suitcase. She put the shirts with the shirts and the jeans with the jeans and the soft pants with the soft pants and the lacy tops with the lacy skirts. And every time she found something fragile, like a perfume bottle, she rolled it up into something soft. Sometimes, the smallest gestures take up the most room.

When we were done, we carried Hannah’s suitcase out through the hall. That’s when Jason came in the front door. His eyes flashed from Hannah to Natalie and me.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked.

Hannah flinched. “I’m going to stay at Natalie’s house for a while.”

“Like hell you are. I told you not to see her,” he said, glaring at Natalie.

Hannah’s hands were shaking, but her voice steeled itself. “I am. And Natalie’s mom said that if you come anywhere near it, we will get a restraining order.”

Jason’s face turned a little bit pale. “Is that so?” He tried to sound angry, but there was a tinge of fear underneath his voice. “And on what f*cking grounds would you do that?”

“On the grounds that you hit me!”

“Oh, come off it. It’s called discipline. Obviously no one else around here is taking care of that with you. Someone’s got to watch out.”

“No, it’s called abuse. You’re lucky I didn’t tell the cops.”

Jason stared at her, disbelieving.

“I know you’re pissed off at the world,” Hannah said, “but you can’t just go around yelling and being a jerk. And you can’t take it out on me anymore.”

“So you’re just taking off? Just like that?”

“Until you’re gone,” Hannah said. “And if you break a restraining order,” she added, “then it’s a crime, and I bet that will mess up your chances in the Marines.”

Jason’s voice wavered. “Have it your way. I’m going to shower.”

“I won’t see you before you go, then,” Hannah said, more softly now. “Good luck.”

They didn’t hug or touch or anything else. Jason just walked out of the room.