Love Letters to the Dead(21)

I tried to go with Evan’s rhythm, but when it came down to it, he had none, and when he put his hands on me and tried to move me around, all I wanted was to wriggle away. Evan kept thrusting his hips, and the more I danced away from him, the more he tried to grab me, and the harder I danced away. As the song was ending, I saw him watching Britt, his ex, across the room. She was blowing pink bubble gum that matched her pink satin dress and shifting from foot to foot. He wanted her satin and watermelon. Evan probably asked me to the dance ’cause he thought I’d say yes, and then he’d have someone to make Britt jealous with. I should have been mad, I guess, but it didn’t matter.

I said, “You should go ask Britt to dance.”

He looked at me, caught off guard.

“Look,” I said, “she’s staring at you, too.”

“Are you sure?” Evan asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “She totally is. Go for it. Anyway, I’m kind of thirsty.” And I walked off.

I went to the punch table and took a long time choosing one of the identical glasses. I put the pink stuff to my lips and let the ice clink on my teeth before I chewed it. And do you know what happened then? They started playing “The Lady in Red.” I saw Evan across the room, dancing with Britt now. I must have been a good ruse, because they looked like they couldn’t get close enough. Her watermelon gum had probably made its way into his mouth. I saw Hannah, dancing with Kasey. She looked over his shoulder at Natalie, who was dancing with Brian. Natalie was looking back. Hannah blew her a kiss. Natalie turned her face away. But then she changed her mind and reached her hand and caught the kiss from the air behind her. She put it softly to her lips. But Hannah’s face, by then, was hidden in Kasey’s shoulder.

I couldn’t watch them anymore. I stared into my punch glass. I picked a sequin off the hem of my dress and folded it between my fingers. I licked my lips and tasted the crayon color of the lipstick I had on. I thought of May wearing this dress at her first dance, brown curls all falling around her face, gliding across the floor in someone’s arms. I tried not to cry.

Then, out of nowhere, Sky came up beside me. “Hi,” he said.

I turned. He still smelled of the clean cold of the night outside. He was wearing his leather jacket over suit pants and a button-up shirt.

“Hi.”

“You’re wearing red,” he said. “Like the song.”

“It’s my sister’s dress.”

Sky smiled a little half smile that made me feel like he understood what this meant. He held out his hand to me.

The touch of his fingers sent everything that was electrical in us toward each other. And then we were dancing. The bleachers with their wood smell, the perfume of everyone, the twinkle of the white Christmas lights, all of it came together to build a place that was just for us. Somewhere I’d never been before.

I wished I could stay forever inside of the song with him, but it was over too fast. Sky whispered, “Thank you for the dance,” and I watched him start to disappear into the crowd.

But then he turned back. “I’m going to get out of here,” he said. “Do you want a ride?”

“Sure.” I could hardly hide the excitement in my voice. I felt giddy as I followed him out of the gym, just as they started playing the electric slide song. I caught Natalie’s eye as I was leaving and waved bye. She grinned back at me, because she could see I was with Sky. As we walked through the parking lot, I quickly texted Dad that I was getting a ride home. I told him good night and sweet dreams, and that I wouldn’t be late.

When we got in his truck, Sky turned on the stereo, and “About a Girl” came on. It was the beginning of your MTV Unplugged album. A little part of me thought that maybe Sky had planned that on purpose, because he knows that we both love you. Maybe he cared that much.

We sat there in silence for a moment, listening to the song. I wanted to think of something to say out loud. Finally I said, “It’s like part of what’s so great is he’s not afraid of his voice.”

“You mean Kurt?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

Sky turned to look at me, his eyes amused. “Are you?”

“Afraid of my voice?” I laughed, nervous. “Yeah, I guess.”

Then Sky tilted his head to the side a little and got more serious. “I think we all are. With Kurt, it’s more like he just faces the fear, you know?”

“Yeah,” I said. “You’re right.”

“I think that’s why he’s so loud. I mean, he has to be. Because he’s staring the monster in the face, and the only thing to do is fight back.”

“Do you think,” I asked, “do you think he won?”

“The obvious answer is no, ’cause he died. But I think he did in a way. I mean, listen.” Sky turned up the stereo. “We have this now. And we’ll always have it.”

I knew then that I was right when I used to sit by the fence watching Sky and thinking that we were connected somehow.

I pointed ahead, to our exit off of the freeway. “You get off up there,” I said. “Rio Grande.”

“You live pretty far from school.”

“Yeah. I was supposed to go to Sandia, but instead I go in my aunt’s district. I live with her part-time.” I paused a moment. “May went to Sandia…” I said, trailing off. I waited to see if Sky would say he went there, too. Did he? I wanted to ask him how he knew May, but I was afraid of breaking the spell.