Lord of Embers(The Demon Queen Trials #2)(31)

“You feel guilty for something.”

It was a statement of fact, and it was a hundred percent correct. I wasn’t sure I wanted to admit it. “I have no idea what for.”

“Maybe because you lived, and she didn’t. And all you will see are reasons why you didn’t deserve to live.”

‘Thanks,” I said sharply.

“Not because they’re the truth, because that’s what happens when you’re the one to survive. It feels like the gods made the wrong choice.

When someone is hunting you down, like they did you and your mother—when someone more powerful than you tries to kill you—you make split-second decisions. And sometimes, those decisions are at the expense of someone else. If someone is starving to death, maybe they don’t share all their food. When people are freezing, maybe they take a coat from a dying person. And when you were running from a killer in the woods, maybe you made the right decision, and your mom didn’t.

Maybe you just kept going, and that’s how you survived. Maybe that’s why you don’t feel you deserve it.”

A stream of moonlight pierced the canopy. When Orion looked at me, I could read a deep, lacerating sorrow in his eyes. “Demons and mortals alike have a very strong instinct of self-preservation. It’s how we are made. People are selfish when death is staring us in the face. There’s no point pretending otherwise, and there’s no point feeling bad about it.”

Maybe he was right. “Okay.”

“Trust me, love,” he said quietly. “If you try to fight your true nature, you will lose, and you will break in the struggle. Accept what you are, and it will be less painful.”

A frozen wind rushed over me. What, exactly, my true nature?

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Maybe our natures changed over time, because I wasn’t the same girl I’d been a few months ago.

The forest air kissing my skin felt warmer now. I felt lighter, too.

Maybe what Orion had said resonated with me.

Mist twined between the trees, then seemed to snake and writhe around Orion. Moonlight tinged the fog with silver. I had no idea why it would get warmer at night, but I didn’t hate it.

The air smelled thick with moss and salt, earthy and luxurious. I inhaled, my muscles relaxing.

I glanced at Orion. As always, he moved with languid, catlike ease.

When he caught me looking at him, he gave me a faint smile. It was the first time I noticed he had a little dimple in his cheek, and I felt a strange flush of heat. Masculine power rolled off him, stroking my skin and making my heart race.

Catching my breath, I pulled my gaze away from him, walking faster. He was an incubus, and I was falling under his spell again. That was all that was. I gripped the straps of my backpack as I hurried along.

Remember, Row an , h e w an ts to get aw ay from you . He can ’t stan d you .

With that unpleasant thought, I sped up to get out of range of his incubus magic. We needed to get this journey over with and get out of each other’s lives.

We couldn’t be too far from Tammuz because I could hear the sound of the ocean rhythmically crashing against the shores. My body moved to the sound, swaying. Distantly, I heard the beating of a drum, and my heart pounded to its seductive rhythm.

It wasn’t just Orion’s words. Something was happening to me.





C H A P T E R 1 7 — O R I O N

G oody Putnam was bloody right about one thing: these woods did inspire a wicked lust. And because I was with Rowan, the music of the forest came alive—the rustling of leaves, the songs of owls and mockingbirds. Icicles shone with unearthly light.

And all I could think about was fucking her up against a tree.

She looked at me, and I recognized a flicker of sadness in her dark eyes. My heart clenched.

Part of me wanted to kiss her right here. She might be the evil

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Mortana I’d come to know. She couldn’t be.

But nothing was more dangerous than hope. Mortana had taught me that a long time ago. It was her greatest lesson to me.

Sometimes, she would tell Ashur and me that in a few weeks, we’d be set free. I remember the indescribable joy, thinking of what we’d do, of the sunlight on our faces. We’d count the days, looking through the cracks in the wall to see when the sun rose.

And when the few weeks were up, she’d pout and say, “Sorry, darling. I can’t bear to lose you.”

It happened again and again before I’d finally learned. I was her rival for the throne, and she delighted in seeing me crushed completely.

I think that was what killed Ashur at last, the disappointment of feeling so close to freedom, then having it destroyed. After one of Mortana’s visits, he’d stopped eating.

When I looked at Rowan, I felt those embers heating again. Maybe sh e w as d ifferen t…

But I’d learned my lesson already. At the last moment, she’d probably find some way to deceive me, to leave me without the secret I craved. I must remember that. More likely than not, she would extinguish any flame of hope I had left.

“Do you feel that?” Rowan asked. “The magic of the Dying God is all around us.”

She was right. Here, Tammuz’s magic flowed strong. Whatever it was, a primal magic enchanted every bough, every rock, and the mossy carpet beneath our feet.

Rowan walked ahead of me, shivering, which against all reason made me want to pull her close. I had a coat on, and she did not. But I never felt the cold anymore. The dungeons hadn’t been heated, and in January and February, ice had slicked the walls and the cold stone floor.