Little Secrets(78)

“Christ, Sal.”

He reaches across the table and grabs her hand. “Marin. You didn’t do anything, you hear me? Whatever happened to Derek’s girlfriend isn’t on you.” He thinks for a moment. “That day you stalked her at the coffee shop. You pay with credit card or cash?”

“Uh…” It takes Marin a moment to remember. “Cash. I dumped the change into the tip jar. Why? You think the police are going to question me?”

“Only if they know you were there,” Sal says. “But they won’t. Other than the roommate, who’s even looking for her?”

Marin’s mind is in overdrive. “You’re sure you told Julian that I changed my mind?”

“I’m sure.”

“And you’re completely certain he got your message?”

“Mar, there was no message. I spoke to him.” Sal rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed he’s being forced to explain it. “I told him under no uncertain terms that you didn’t want to proceed. Not gonna lie, he was irritated, said he’d already gotten a bunch of things in place. I told him to undo whatever he did. He said fine, but you weren’t getting your money back. I said you’d wait for the charitable donation receipt.”

She lets out a long breath, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders. “Then what is all this? How can it be a coincidence that she’s gone?”

“I don’t know.” Sal shrugs. “And frankly, I don’t give a shit, and I’m surprised you do. She’s young, and probably flaky as hell. Maybe she hooked up with some other dude, didn’t come home, forgot to tell the roommate. None of this is going to lead back to you, so why worry about it? You wanted her gone. She’s gone. You’re back with Derek now, so it’s like she never existed, anyway.” He pauses, chewing his lower lip. “It’s like it never even happened.”

“Are you talking about them, or us?”

Sal doesn’t answer. He’s angry. She sees that now.

“Sal, are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” He looks away for a few seconds, staring at the wall, and then sighs. “Fine. Maybe I am a little. Or maybe it’s more that I’m hurt. I guess I feel a little used.”

“Sal!” She half laughs. It’s the last thing she ever expected to hear him say. “Used? Seriously?”

“A little, yeah.” He raises an eyebrow. “What, like that’s so hard to believe? Like a guy can’t feel used and tossed away like yesterday’s newspaper?”

“With all the casual hookups you have…?” She matches his eyebrow raise, attempting to make light of it.

“It was never going to be casual with you,” Sal says quietly. “And I know you know that, and that’s why you did it. Because you knew I wouldn’t say no to you. Because you’re the opposite of casual for me, Marin. You took advantage of that. Of me. But I get it. What was it you said to me once? After my dad died? You said hurt people … hurt people.”

They look at each other, and for a few seconds, for as long as Sal allows it, the heartbreak is all over his face.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I saw that on Oprah,” she says, and they burst out laughing. The laughter breaks the tension, and they both exhale.

“You’re absolutely right,” she says. “About everything you said. I knew better. I needed to feel close to someone. I wanted to feel wanted, and beautiful, and seen. And you always make me feel that way. And I will always love you for it.”

“As a friend,” he clarifies.

“More than a friend.” Marin wants him to know that this is true, because it is. “So much more than a friend. But just … not like a husband.”

He nods slowly. “Yeah. Okay. I get it.”

“I’m always going to want you in my life. Don’t leave me, Sal. Be mad at me all you want, but please. Don’t leave me. I wouldn’t survive it if you did.”

“Never.” He doesn’t make eye contact, but he squeezes her hand.

“Are we okay?”

He finally looks at her, offering a small smile that doesn’t quite touch his eyes. “Dude. Come on. We never weren’t okay.”

“Then can you do me a favor?” she asks. “Can you check with Julian again after I leave and make sure that he really didn’t do anything to her? Indulge me, please.”

“I already told you—” Sal says, but then he stops. “You know what, of course I can do that. If it means you can sleep.” He pauses. “What else did the PI say? Anything new with Sebastian?”

“Nothing at all.” It’s Marin’s turn to sigh with frustration. “We didn’t even talk about him. But when she called, I nearly fainted. Usually she emails. I thought for sure it was going to be bad news.”

They sit with that for a moment, and then her phone pings. It’s a text from Derek.

What’s your ETA? I’m making popcorn and I don’t want to watch Stranger Things without you.

The text makes her smile.

“I should go,” she says to Sal.

He comes around the desk to give her a hug. She squeezes him tighter than he squeezes her, and it feels like she’s broken his heart for the second time in twenty years. She takes back what she said to him when she first got here. She does regret it. Not because of what they did. Because of how it affected him.