Little Secrets(69)
“I would do it over again,” she said, and meant it.
An hour later their bags were packed, their skis were on the roof, Sadie was notified, and they were on their way to the mountains.
Neither of them are perfect. Neither of them are without blame. Nothing is fixed. But finally, it feels like they’ve turned a page. It’s the way her husband is touching her knee, singing along to Nirvana. It’s the way she’s not cringing because he’s touching her. It feels like them again. She feels like herself again. It feels like the chance for a fresh start.
Fighting your way out of despair isn’t linear. It isn’t like one good thing happens and suddenly everything’s better, and hallelujah, your shitty days are now behind you. At least it isn’t like that for Marin. But today is a good day, and after months and months of living in a black hole, she’ll take it.
Derek pulls into the driveway so he can switch cars. He already told her he’s not coming inside, that he has work to finish up at the office before a big meeting tomorrow. It’s fine; she knows work is a big part of who he is. She understands it helps him cope.
The salons are closed on Sundays, which means there’s nowhere Marin needs to be. Every part of her out-of-shape body is sore from four days on the slopes, and she’s looking forward to a hot bath and a good book.
“I’ll be back around eight.” Derek turns the volume down on the car’s stereo. “I can pick up Greek for dinner. Chicken souvlaki? Or do you feel like Indian? Tikka masala, garlic naan?”
“I think you’re hungry,” she says, and he laughs.
He rubs her thigh, and a tingle goes through her. “What can I say, I burned a lot of calories this weekend.”
He could mean because of all the skiing, but he doesn’t. She and her husband reconnected over the past few days. In every way.
“Let’s cook,” she says, feeling ambitious. “I’ll season a couple of ribeyes, and they’ll be ready for grilling when you get home.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. I can do Brussels sprouts on the side, unless you want something starchy? It’s been a while since I’ve messed up the kitchen.”
What she really means is that it’s been a long time since she’s felt like cooking. Roasted Brussels sprouts cooked with bacon and smothered in Parmesan cheese pairs perfectly with steak. It’s not a healthy way to make them, but they’re so tasty that even Sebastian loved—
She stops the thought, and then braces herself for the inevitable gut punch, which happens every time she’s reminded of her son. But nothing happens. The thought flits in, and then out, and she realizes she feels … okay.
Derek is watching her closely, his eyes filled with compassion. It’s like he knows exactly the path her mind just took, probably because his just did the same.
They both get out of the car. He moves their skis into the garage and brings the suitcases into the house.
“I love you.” He reaches for her hand and kisses her palm. It’s an intimate gesture, and she can’t remember the last time he did that.
“I love you, too,” she says.
He steps through the front door, but before she can shut it behind him, he’s back inside, pushing her up against the wall, his lips finding her lips, his fingers in her hair, and everything about it is natural, and romantic, and right.
She waits until he drives away before she closes and locks the door, then goes about doing what she normally does when she gets home after being away for a few days. She sorts through the mail. She waters the few plants they have scattered throughout the main level of the house. She checks on the orchid that sits in the middle of the kitchen table.
The orchid’s been in the same spot for a year and a half, and she remembers the day she got it. Derek took Sebastian to an indoor swimming lesson in November, the last Saturday before Thanksgiving. Afterward, the two of them stopped at Whole Foods to pick up some of the thick-cut maple-glazed bacon they all like. Sebastian loved grocery shopping, because they rarely said no to any food he asked for, so long as it wasn’t junk. Marin was finishing her coffee when she heard the garage door open, and a moment later, Sebastian was thundering through the mudroom and into the kitchen holding a giant pink orchid in a gray ceramic vase.
“Mommy, lookit!” Every inch of her little boy’s forty-inch frame was bursting with pride. “Daddy said we could buy you a flower! It’s your favorite color! I choosed it myself!”
“Aw, Bash, it’s beautiful.” She took the flower from him before he could drop it. “I love it. This is a present for me?”
“Daddy said you’re beautiful and that we should buy you a beautiful flower, so I choosed this one because pink is your favorite.” Sebastian was beaming.
Marin bent down and kissed his nose. “You’re exactly right, pink is my most favorite. Thank you, my love. Where should we put it?”
“Here on the kitchen table, and you have to water it every day, or the lady said it will get dead.” He shook out of his coat, letting it drop to the floor.
“Not every day,” Marin said with a laugh. “If I water it every day it will definitely get dead. Hey, excuse me, mister, where does your coat go?”
He ran back into the mudroom to hang his coat as Derek was coming in, overloaded with groceries. Derek dropped the bags on the counter, and she spied steaks, avocados, bananas, fresh-baked Asiago bagels, oatmeal raisin cookies, and chocolate croissants spilling out of the totes. She raised an eyebrow and he grinned, sheepish.