Little Secrets(25)
“It’s not her coffee shop. She works at the Green Bean.” She taps her nails on the side of her glass again to remind him it’s empty. “We can go over there right now, if you want to take a look at her.”
“Fuck no,” he says, and his face is as close to shocked as she’s ever seen it. “We’re not going there, and you’re not going there. Ever again. Okay? Stay away. Don’t talk to her. The first step to fixing your problem is understanding what, exactly, your problem is. Or in this case, who. This is all about the snake you married. If you want to kill anyone, kill him.”
She’s listening, but she’s not hearing him. After another pointed look and another tap of her glass, Sal sighs and goes to make her another cocktail.
Marin often wonders what would have happened with them, had she never met Derek. It wasn’t easy being Sal’s girlfriend. He’d had a tough childhood and was plagued by demons. Neither of which were deal breakers, by the way, but what she couldn’t get past back then was the lack of direction in his life. He was fun to be with, but aimless. He hated school, and he seemed to have no ambition, no goals beyond whatever he had planned for the weekend … and sometimes not even then. It drove Marin nuts.
They had a big fight after his father died, after Sal bought the bar, and mutually decided to end things. It wasn’t their first big fight, or even their first breakup, but he was in a dark place and things were really intense. She needed space. She impulsively took off to Cabo San Lucas with a group of her girlfriends for the weekend, and that’s where she got together with Derek. They already knew each other a little; he was a friend of a friend, and there’d always been a spark, but she could never do anything about it because she had a boyfriend. But on that trip, she was technically single, and Sal and all his demons were two thousand miles away. It felt so good to be with someone who was in line with her, who was as ambitious as she was, who had a clear plan for what he wanted his life to be. The thing that attracted her to Derek the most was his drive.
By the time the weekend was over, she knew Derek was the one. Knew it in a way she never felt with Sal. When she returned from Cabo, Sal wanted to get back together, and in truth, he had every right to expect they would—fighting and making up had always been their pattern. But not this time.
“I’ve met someone,” she told him. She hadn’t even unpacked yet. She had just gotten home, and it was late, and Sal wanted to come over. She suggested they meet at their favorite twenty-four-hour diner instead. The Frankenstein was three blocks from the apartment she shared with two other girls, and when she arrived, hair still wet from a quick shower, he’d already ordered for her. She always got the same thing. Eggs over easy, hash browns, bacon, wheat toast.
“Met someone? Who?” Sal asked.
She told him about Derek.
“So you had a fling.” Sal winced. “The thought that you were with someone else makes me sick, but I guess I can’t get mad, because we were broken up. I can be hurt, though.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. But she wasn’t. Not really. It had ended for her the moment she kissed Derek.
Sal grabbed her hand. “So tell him to get lost, and come back to me. Mar, it’s you and me. There’s nobody else for me but you. We can fix this. I know things got … weird after my dad died. But it can be better. I can be better.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, giving his hand a squeeze before letting it go. “I want us to stay friends. But we want different things. You’ve got the bar now. And I’m with Derek, and we’re both done with school in a few months. Everything’s … different. And maybe that’s the way it should be.”
Yes, things with Derek had moved fast. But when you know, you know. Sal was never meant to be the great love of Marin’s life. He could never fill her up completely, for reasons she could never articulate. Whatever X-factor was supposed to exist between them back then just didn’t. For her, anyway.
Sal was shattered. He felt blindsided, and abandoned. It took Sal a long time to want to be her friend, and the transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to a platonic friendship was rocky.
It was trust that saved them. He trusted her, and she him, and in some way, Marin has come to realize that trust is better than love. Love is unpredictable, and love hurts. Trust is reliable, dependable, and solid. Like Sal.
He’s never liked Derek. Not then, and not now. At first she assumed it was because he blamed Derek for them not getting back together, but over time, it became clear that sometimes two people just don’t get along. And never will, no matter what you do. The two of them could not be more opposite. Derek is charming, and Marin can take him anywhere. Sal is rough around the edges, and she never knows who he’s going to offend. Derek loves the spotlight when it comes to work, loves giving interviews about his company, loves the publicity. Sal was once profiled in The Stranger the year after he bought the bar, and he cringed when one of the employees framed the article and hung it on the wall. The only reason it still hangs there now is because it’s good for business.
Thankfully, neither Derek nor Sal has ever forced her to choose between them. The two men rarely see each other, and when they do, they’re polite. They can find something to talk about for an hour if they have to; sports, usually. They tolerate each other for her sake.
Derek is the love of her life, but if she’s being honest, Sal’s the person she feels most herself around. There’s no pretense with Sal. Unlike her other old friends, he’s never punished her for jumping into a new tax bracket, for buying a bigger house in a better neighborhood, for succeeding. And unlike her new friends, he doesn’t turn his nose up at who she used to be, that she (and Derek) are self-made, that she sits on charity committees even though she’s technically “new money.” With Sal, it’s okay to be imperfect. She doesn’t have to have her shit together all the time, or ever. She probably depends on him for emotional support way more than she should.