Life Will Be the Death of Me: . . . and You Too!(10)
“What does it feel like to you when you are not running around making yourself busy?” he asked me, leaning forward in his chair, putting both hands on his knees.
“I have no idea, because I’ve never done that. This is what I do with everything. I burn the candle at both ends, and then I grow bored.”
“Do you think that you’re running from something?”
“I don’t know, because that’s how I’ve always gone through life,” I told him. “I get sick of people, places, jobs, things. I’m always looking for newness. Something fresh, someone new, a stranger, the unknown.”
I told him that when I was a kid I was so hungry to grow up and become famous and successful that my entire twenties and half of my thirties were spent in a cycle of feeding that hunger and then looking for something else. I had now reached the burnout phase with my talk show. I was sick of all the things that went along with doing a talk show. The editing, the talent booking, the constant micromanaging, and having to watch myself on camera over and over again.
I was over it.
Dan asked me about children, and I repeated what I tell everyone who asks. “I’ve never had the urge. It wouldn’t be a good use of my time.”
I asked him to tell me more about fear and sadness. I wanted to make sure I could rule those two things out.
He told me that people whose default is fear tend to second-guess everything they do. They tend to be indecisive, and many end up leading very safe lives. They are not interested in risk or adventure—they are interested in sameness and security. They are people who typically do not switch careers midlife or go skydiving or take great risks. They are also conflict-averse.
“Yeah, no,” I said. “That’s not me. I’m into conflict.”
The people who live in sadness tend to be depressives and can struggle with that their entire lives. They typically have huge amounts of empathy for others. These people also tend to love animals more than the average person loves animals. They are sensitive to others and are typically great listeners, but again, they can also have serious issues with depression.
“Yeah, I’m anger.”
“Okay, so you’re anger. Let’s start there.”
He explained that the Enneagram system starts by identifying which of the three states of mind you are most closely aligned with and then broadens into a total of nine different personality types.
“I can describe each type to you and we can try to figure out which one you are, which will help you understand why you do some of the things you do, and what areas you can strengthen—that’s called your ‘growth edge.’?”
Dan went through each of the nine personality types and told me to think of them like spokes on a wheel, which was also his analogy to meditation: spokes on a wheel. Start with your breath, then your hearing, your sight, and then keep going around the wheel to your internal organs and then your external body parts. I appreciated this because it was another visual aid—something I’ve learned over the years is the most effective way for me to digest a concept I’m unfamiliar with. Everything was all about spokes on a wheel. The Wheel of Awareness is what he calls it. Dan liked wheels, and my guess is that in a past life he drove a wagon—on wheels.
The Enneagram captured my interest because I respected the person who was telling me about it. When going through the nine different personality types, you’ll find that some include characteristics you recognize in yourself, but there are usually one or two traits that stand out as definitely not part of your personality. Ultimately, the number that describes you the most accurately is the one in which all the traits apply to you. There are tests you can take online to find your number—some more extensive than others—but it is ultimately about reading each number’s strengths and weaknesses, and being honest with yourself, about yourself.
Dan also explained that, typically, people feel drawn to two numbers at first. Then you revisit those two numbers, paying attention to the weaknesses of each. That’s when you are usually able to discern which number more aptly describes you, and lock into one of the numbers, which is what happened to me.
When we got to number seven, I started to hear things that sounded like me.
7
THE ENTHUSIAST
Enneagram Type Seven
The Busy, Variety-Seeking Type:
Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered
TYPE SEVEN IN BRIEF
Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.
Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled
Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.
Type Seven sounded a lot like me, until I heard the description of Type Eight, and realized that I’m not positive enough to be a seven; I’m more of a half-glass-period person. I don’t see a glass as half empty or half full—it’s just half; it could go either way.