Lies of My Monster: A Dark Mafia Romance(68)

Kirill is not an emotional man, and any outbursts like that could backfire. I knew that, but I stupidly brought up emotions related to whatever we have.

Is it wrong that I want more of him? And I don’t mean his body and intense dominance. I don’t mean his protectiveness and care, either. I need…something deeper.

I want to wake up in the morning and know that he’ll be there for the rest of my life. I don’t want to think that this is a phase that will eventually fade.

I’m being a sappy idiot right now, and Kirill can’t, under any circumstances, find out about these thoughts, or he might distance himself from me.

Desperate much, Sasha?

I wince at that but straighten when Damien leans against the wall beside me, hands in his pants pockets. He’s supposed to be wearing a suit, but I saw him throw off the tie earlier and then slam his jacket on the ground, so now, he’s only in a crumpled shirt with the first two buttons undone and surprisingly pressed pants. His hair isn’t a disaster like usual, though, but he’s definitely run his fingers through it a few times.

I’m more presentable than he is, but he still looks great, even when he’s dressed worse than anyone here. People with superior genes like him and Kirill manage to look like supermodels in whatever they’re wearing.

“Aren’t you supposed to be mingling around with the others?” I ask. “This is a guards’ area.”

“Fuck mingling.” He glares at the crowd. “That Yakuza old geezer is trying to corner me for a drink, and the worst part is that he doesn’t even do vodka.”

I smile. Ever since Damien was arranged to marry a Yakuza princess, he’s been more irritable than not, especially with Rai and Kirill, who helped arrange it.

In their minds, it’s simple. They need a strong alliance with the Japanese, and to accomplish that, a marriage has to happen.

It’s so common in these circuits that it’s become normalized. I still see the concept as a little disturbing, mainly because women don’t get a say in it. They’re just traded like stock between men.

“What the fuck you smiling at, pretty boy?” He narrows his eyes. “You find this amusing or something?”

I stand tall, my expression going back to all seriousness. “No, sir.”

“You obviously do. No wonder they say the quiet ones are the scariest. You’re a fucking sadist, aren’t you?”

Try the opposite.

My cheeks start to feel hot as erotic images from earlier barge into my head. It takes me a few moments to dispel them.

I clear my throat. “If you’re against this marriage, why don’t you pull out? Surely you have the power to.”

Okay, so maybe I’m trying to save the poor Japanese girl from Damien.

His lips curve in a smirk. “Who says I’m against it?”

“You…want to get married?”

“I didn’t think so in the beginning, but now, I’m sure I do.”

Wow. I feel more sorry for the girl. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have the attention of someone as unhinged as Damien.

He’s been doing all sorts of things to fight Kirill and has been failing for so long that anyone else in his position would’ve given up.

Not Damien.

“Her father is a fucking nuisance, though.” He clicks his tongue. “Question. Do you think she’d still marry me if her father was somehow removed from her immediate surroundings…say, for good?”

“You can’t kill your future father-in-law, who happens to be the head of the Yakuza, Damien…I mean, sir.”

“I’m not going to kill him, I’ll just remove him for a while.”

“That’s still unacceptable.”

“Even for maybe a month?”

“No.”

“Fine. I’ll do it after the marriage.”

“You can’t do that either—”

“Fuck you, Sasha. You can’t do this, and you can’t do that. What are you? My mother?”

Damien’s words end in a yell when Rai kicks him in the shin with the toe of her shoe. He grabs his leg and raises his fist to punch whoever assaulted him, but he stops when he sees her face.

“The fuck was that for?”

Rai cradles her pregnant belly and glares at him. “Don’t speak to Sasha that way again or I’ll break your leg next time.”

“What do you mean that way? I was just telling him how useless he is at giving advice. He kept telling me that I can’t kill and all of the boring nonsense.”

“That’s because he doesn’t want you to get in trouble. If you don’t appreciate his advice, don’t ask for it again.” She strokes my arm. “You okay, Sash?”

I rub the back of my neck and nod. Jeez. It’s almost unbelievable how much warmth I’ve found in Rai ever since that kidnapping.

She’s tough to outsiders and even some on the inside, but she has a heart of gold, and I’m so honored to be on the list of people she cares about.

“Why don’t you ask how the fuck I’m doing? I’ve known you longer than pretty boy Sasha.” Damien tries to step between us, but she shoos him away.

“Sorry, but this position can’t be given to just anyone.”

“The fuck? I disapprove of this.”