Lies of My Monster: A Dark Mafia Romance(38)

Instead, I stand up and stride to the minibar in my room. I catch the clock in my peripheral vision. Six in the morning. I actually slept for a few hours.

What the fuck is even happening to me lately?

I pour myself a glass of cognac and gulp it in one go, then pour another. There’s a rustle from the bed before Sasha wraps the blanket around her and joins me. Her eyes are glittery, but they’re more green than brown, so that’s a good sign.

“You okay?” she asks carefully.

“Couldn’t be better.” I start to drink the second glass, but she gently grips my hand, making me pause.

“You thrashed in your sleep and wouldn’t wake up no matter how many times I called your name. Was it a nightmare?”

“What if it was?”

“I know how gruesome those get. I don’t think drinking helps.”

“We’ll find out then.” I twist my hand free of hers, down the second glass, and pour a third.

This time, she snatches it and gently places it on the table. “I know something better than alcohol.”

“Doubt it.”

And then the fucking woman opens the blanket and wraps her arms and the blanket around both of us. She’s hugging me, I realize. What in the ever…

“You let me hug you when I was mourning Nadia and Nicholas, and that’s my favorite form of comfort. I know it’s not yours, but I’m giving it to you anyway. Maybe one day, you’ll come to appreciate it, too.”

My shoulders drop, and part of me wants to throw her away, but the other fucking part wants to cage her in my arms and never let go.

So I just remain still, not giving in to either.

She pulls away slightly and freezes, then runs her fingers over the new scars on my chest, courtesy of her fucking lover.

Scars I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for her.

I’m about to restart the death circle of rage and anger, but then she stares up at me with shiny eyes and sniffles. “I’m so sorry.”

“If you’re that sorry, tell me the fucker’s name.”

“I can’t do that, but I can make up for these shots for the rest of my life.”

“You’ll stay here for the rest of your life?”

“If…you want me to, yes, I will.”

A sense of raging possessiveness grabs hold of me, and I pull her close to me with a hand glued to the small of her back. “You will stay.”

“I will.”

“That wasn’t a question. It was a statement.”

She smiles a little, but she nods. “As long as you don’t erase me.”

I never did. Erasing her is nowhere near possible. I did a perfect job at pretending she wasn’t there, though.

That was easier than replaying everything that happened in Russia.

“That depends on your performance.” I release her, and she pauses before wrapping the blanket around herself.

“Speaking of performance.” She clears her throat. “Let’s talk about that reward.”

“What about it?”

“I want to become your senior guard.”

“You what?”

“Senior guard. Viktor’s current position.”

“He will kill you.”

“I don’t care. You promised me a reward, and I already took your punishment, so you have to give me what I want.”

“You’ll have to share that position with Viktor.”

“No, I want to be on my own.”

“Not possible. I trust him more than you, and, therefore, he can’t be removed from his post.”

Her lips push forward in a scowl or a pout, I don’t know which, but I want to lick her lips with my tongue anyway.

“Fine.” She lifts her chin. “One day, you’ll trust me more than him.”

Highly doubt it.

But I give her hope anyway. This might be the best way to have her lower her guard.





13





SASHA





Maybe I lost my mind.

There’s no other explanation to what I told Kirill a week ago after he proceeded to deny me one orgasm after the other in the worst form of torture I’ve ever experienced.

But when I woke up to find myself enveloped in his arms, all that discomfort vanished. However, the moment I actually felt strongly about making this decision was when he not only let me hug him, but also hugged me back.

Well, he only wrapped his arm around my lower back, but that counts.

Those aren’t the only reasons I did it, though. After my grandmother and uncle disowned me, Kirill is the one who gave me purpose. Yes, it came with pain and heartbreak, but it was purpose all the same.

Is it a surprise that I pledged my loyalty to him for life? In a way, no, since that’s exactly what I’ve been doing since I came here with him after he was shot.

And who knows? Maybe in a couple of months when his trust is restored, I can confirm that he has no involvement in my family’s deaths.

He’s just not the type.

So I scrapped my previous plan that entailed sneaking around his office. From now on, I’ll be direct and refrain from using any deceitful methods.

On one hand, I have no clue what else I can do. But on the other, it feels like the best decision I’ve ever made. Kirill doesn’t only make me feel like the woman I yearn to be again, but he also makes me feel.