Last on the List (Wait With Me #5)(98)

Max tilts his head and eyes me harshly. “Do you even trust yourself to know what you want, Cassandra?”

“What the hell does that mean?” I snap petulantly, feeling tiny pricks of discomfort all over my body.

He steps closer to me, his nostrils flaring like an animal getting ready to attack. “I think you’re making excuses not because we want different things but because you’re scared.” His voice cracks, and he sniffs loudly, his face twisting with pain that I feel in my gut. “You’re scared because my life slightly resembles the thing that almost killed you, so you think you’re going down a path that will leave you broken again. But at some point, you have to admit to yourself that your willy-nilly lifestyle isn’t protecting you from anything. The real world will still be out there when you finally admit the truth you refuse to see.”

“What truth?” I whisper, my throat tight with pain at the way his eyes are locked on mine so intently. I inch closer to him, desperate for the next words that will come out of his mouth. His gaze dips to my lips and then rakes over my face, taking in every tiny millimeter of my features like he’s committing them to memory.

His voice is guttural when he answers, “That the only reason you do less is because you’re afraid to want more.”

His words pop our bubble of tension where we were suspended from time and space. They poke a deep bruise inside me that I didn’t even know existed as I’m thrust back to reality. I pull back and my vision blurs as my eyes well with tears.

His words assault every part of me that I’ve been proud of the past seven and a half months. He thinks I’m afraid to want more? Then he doesn’t understand me at all. I don’t live this way because of fear. I live this way to survive. He doesn’t get it because he’s still in that world that I left behind. Which is why I can’t be with him. I don’t want a front row ticket to that life.

I suck my cheeks in and shake my head, ignoring the tears falling down my face. “Even if everything you said is true, Max, it doesn’t change the fact that Jenson will be your partner soon, and I can’t be anywhere near him ever again.”

“Well, give me a damn minute to figure that part out, okay?” he bites, his eyes glowering at me as he steps back and begins pacing in front of me. “I just found out tonight that I’m going into business with the man who almost killed the woman I love, so I need some time to figure out what the fuck I can do to fix that.”

“Love?” I gasp, my entire body erupting in goose bumps at the word that just tumbled out of his mouth. He couldn’t have meant that. It was a slip of the tongue for sure. My head jerks as I stutter, “You don’t mean that.”

He stops pacing and pushes a hand through his hair as graveness casts over his features. “Shit, Cozy…it has to be obvious. I practically assaulted the asshole for you tonight.”

Panic sets in over my whole body at how quickly this all escalated. How did I go from taking a summer job as a nanny for a rich guy to standing in his driveway, hearing him confess his love to me?

I’m not ready for this. I’m not healed enough. I just finally decided to make cock boards two seconds ago. Now Max wants to drop the l-bomb on me?

Love?

This can’t be love. Love means losing yourself to someone. Love means putting them first over everything. Love means diving in headfirst. I’m still learning how to swim after drowning in Jenson’s company. I can’t let love factor into my life right now. And I know that if I let Max Fletcher love me, like fully love me, I will drown all over again.

I’m just the nanny. That’s all this was supposed to be.

My chin trembles as I struggle to find my voice. “Well, whatever you decide to do on your merger with Jenson, please don’t make any rash decisions on account of me,” I croak, my face twisting up in pain. “I shouldn’t factor into your choice at all.”

The cold look on Max’s face as he stares at me for a long, pregnant pause hurts every bone in my body. I curl in on myself, fighting off the discomfort his disappointed eyes are causing me.

He nods once, and his voice is cool and detached when he says, “Then it’s good we hid this from Everly. It’d be a shame to break her heart.”

And with that, Max strides back into the garage, closing the door behind him and closing off whatever piece of his heart that he might have been offering, but I’m not defrosted enough to accept.





“Dad, why are we going to Aspen this weekend?” Everly asks, sitting criss-cross in the seat across from me on the company jet.

“You love Aspen.” I frown and set my phone down to give her my undivided attention.

“I do, but we haven’t gone anywhere all summer, so I wondered why we’re going now?” Her blue eyes watch me curiously like she can see directly into my soul.

“That’s exactly why we’re going. I haven’t taken my kid anywhere all summer, and I feel horrible about that.” I force a smile that I don’t feel as I reach over and tug playfully on Everly’s braid.

She looks out the window thoughtfully as we begin to taxi out. “You don’t have to feel bad, Dad. I like doing nothing, and I’m really good at it.”

Her words sound horribly familiar, and my chest does that knocking sensation that happens every time I think of her.