Last Summer(56)

“Yes.” He puts his hand on her back and follows her to the bank of elevators.

“Crowds really bother you.”

He stabs the button for his floor. “More than they used to. Price of being a hermit, I guess.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“You already have. I realized last night that talking helps. I’d forgotten about that. I didn’t feel that gnawing guilt when I woke this morning.”

“That’s great. Did it not help last time?”

“Yes, but I haven’t talked with anyone about Carson since last summer with you.”

Ella briefly touches his arm, grateful he’s chosen to share with her. Everyone should have someone they can talk to. She wishes Damien had shared what happened between them last November.

The elevator dings and doors open. Ella follows him to his room, where they order dinner and eat a light meal. After Nathan puts the tray of dirty dishes in the hallway, Ella silences her phone, asking Nathan to do the same, so that they aren’t interrupted. She sets up her recorder on the table and invites him to sit beside her on the couch.

“Ready?” she asks when he sits down.

“Ready,” he acknowledges, replenishing their wine.

Ella turns on the device, and for the next two hours, they talk about his son and Stephanie. He admits divorcing Stephanie is inevitable. It doesn’t make him happy, but it’s getting easier to live with the idea that he and Steph are better off without each other.

But his mood changes when they veer back to his childhood. He speaks candidly, with reverence and adoration about his parents. He misses his father and plans to visit his mother in San Diego soon. He hasn’t seen her in more than a year and wants to go surfing.

“My face is the only part of me that’s seen the sun in seventeen months.”

Ella laughs. “Where have you surfed, aside from San Diego?”

“Many places, but my favorites are Hawaii and Australia.”

“Ever been to Half Moon Bay for the Mavericks?”

“No, but I have a ton of respect for big wave surfers.”

“You’ll jump out of airplanes, hike K2, and heli-ski in Alaska, but you won’t face down a thirty-foot wall of water?”

“Hell, no,” he says, laughing. “Limits, Skye. I know mine.”

She smiles and glances at the voice recorder. The red light blinks. It’s getting late and they have a long day tomorrow, but there’s one last thing they must discuss.

“Let’s talk about the day your son died,” she says in a measured voice.

Nathan folds his hands in his lap. “All right.”

“Do you think you can walk me through that day?”

He takes a moment, then nods.

“I was on location,” he says, shifting on the couch. He runs Ella through his morning, how he spoke with Carson on the phone. His son had watched the wingsuit flying episode the night before and couldn’t stop talking about it. Carson convinced Nathan to take him flying when he was old enough. Nathan promised he would, and Carson said he was going to practice so that he’d be ready.

“I should have taken him seriously. By practice, I figured he meant . . .”

“Meant what?” Ella prompts when he doesn’t say anything for a moment.

“A good father would have told his son how much he loves him and that he’d be home soon, right?” He looks at her beseechingly and Ella feels herself nodding. “I didn’t do that. My mind was elsewhere. We were filming that day and I had to mentally get into the zone. Justin Turner, the actor who starred in that sci-fi blockbuster last summer?”

“Titan Rising? Yes, I know who he is.”

“He was my celebrity guest. He’s a kick-ass mountain biker and we were riding some steep and narrow routes that day in Moab. So, yeah, I needed to focus. What I should have done was listen to Carson. I should have called back.” He rakes his fingers through his hair, then leans forward and rubs his face. “This never gets easier.”

Ella rests a hand on Nathan’s thigh. “What doesn’t? Talking about Carson?”

Face hidden in his hands, he nods.

“How did he die, Nathan?” she asks gently.

He lifts his head and looks pointedly at her. “Wrong question. Ask me why I canceled the series.”

“Okay,” Ella says, unsure as to where he’s going with this. “Why did you cancel your series?”

“Carson died after watching one of my episodes, the wingsuit flying one I told you about. My guest and I glided off cliffs. Flying like that is one of the best thrills I’ve experienced. I remember looking directly into the camera and telling my viewers, ‘If there’s anything you should do before you die, it’s wingsuit gliding. Put that on your bucket list.’

“After he got off the phone with me, Carson crafted a makeshift flight suit. He climbed the giant pine in his grandmother’s backyard where he was living at the time with Steph. He was intent on flying, just like his dad, and he jumped.”

“Oh, my god.” Ella gasps into her hand and grasps his forearm at the same time.

“He shattered both legs and hit his head. Steph found him unconscious at the base of the tree.” He pinches the inside corners of his eyes, squeezing them shut, and exhales roughly through his nose. “He never woke up.”