Landon & Shay: Part Two (L&S Duet #2)(46)

“Why?”

“Because if I don’t, you’ll be able to break me all over again.”

“Shay,” he pleaded, moving in closer. I kept backing up until I bumped into a wall, and he boxed me in. The heat of his body pooled around mine, and I tried to ignore the thumping of my heart pounding against my chest.

There it was—the fireworks, the angst, the indescribable feeling Landon always unleashed in me. The yin and yang emotions he’d been able to build up inside of me confused me so much. I wanted to push him away while pulling him in closer. I wanted to slap him and let my fingers linger against his skin. I wanted to kiss him. Gosh, I wanted to kiss his full lips that were only inches away from me, breathing their hot breaths against me, his Cupid’s bow so perfectly shaped, so perfectly full, so perfectly…

No.

“Hear me out, Shay. I’m not that same boy I was when I left you all those years ago. I’ve done a lot of work on myself. I’ve finally figured out a lot of my mind’s triggers, and I know how to get around them. I found me, Shay. Fully, completely, I found myself.”

“I know that,” I agreed. “But you never came back. ‘When you find you, come back to me.’ Remember? Or did fame make you forget?”

He lowered his head. “I remember, but if you let me explain.”

“I don’t care,” I lied, because I had to lie. It was the only way I could keep from allowing myself to completely melt into him. The truth was, I did care. A big part of me loved hearing that he’d figured it out, that he’d found his way, that he was okay. A bigger part of me craved the answers I’d never received from him on why he never came back.

But another part was still aching from the way he’d broken me. On his way to self-discovery, he took a sledgehammer to my heart, and now he stood over me as if he was expecting me to give him my all.

There was no way I’d do that again.

I wasn’t that same, na?ve, full of hope girl that I once was, and I wouldn’t make that same mistake twice. I’d given him my all once, and he had treated it like trash, something to be tossed out because someone better came along.

“I’ve changed too, Landon. I’m not that same girl you knew.”

“I know,” he agreed. “I can tell. You’re stronger. Wiser.”

“Your compliments do nothing for me.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t true.” He ran a hand over his face and then placed one hand against the wall on each side of me. “Do you really hate me?” he asked, his voice low and controlled.

“Yes,” I said. I blinked my eyes shut. “No.” I sighed. “But that doesn’t mean I want to be your friend.”

“Trust me, I’m not asking you to be my friend, Chick.”

“Then what are you asking?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed as he raked his hands through his hair. “It’s weird being around you after all this time, and I can’t act sarcastic and light with you. Not after all we’d been through.”

“You don’t even know me anymore, Landon. We were kids back then, who knew nothing about life. You don’t know a damn thing about me, or if I’m something you’d be interested in.”

“I’d like to get to know you again.”

“No, you wouldn’t.”

“Yes, I would.”

I huffed, growing annoyed by his words. So, what? He got to pick and choose when he came back into my life? Now I’d managed to fit into his schedule?

The whiskey swirled inside me, and my heart was trying its hardest to escape my chest because it didn’t want to feel so much. I’d worked hard at shutting off my emotions a long time ago when it came to men. Leave it to Landon to walk in and effortlessly flip that switch.

He moved in closer and my hands landed against his chest and lightly shoved him. “Screw you, Landon.”

“There it is. Now we’re getting to the real emotions,” he said, stepping in again. “Tell me what you’re feeling, Shay.”

I shoved him again. “Screw you for right now.” Shove. “Screw you for the years of silence.” Shove. “And screw you for making it impossible for me to trust again.” I kept listing off all the emotions shooting through me as I shoved him over and over again. Tears burning at the back of my eyes as I lay my hands against his chest.

Shove. Shove. Shove. Pull.

Pull?

I pulled him closer. I pulled at his suit, bringing him in toward my chest. I pulled him inches away from me. Centimeters. Millimeters. The air in the space between us became harder to breath as he stared down at me with such intent in his eyes. I should’ve shoved him again. I should’ve pushed him away. And yet instead, I yanked his expensive tie toward me and pulled him into the deepest kiss of my life. I kissed him with my love and then with my hatred. My hands wrapped around his neck as he placed his hands behind my back, kissing me as if he was relying on my lips for his next breath of oxygen. His hands fell beneath my ass, and he lifted me into the air as I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pressed me against the wall, his hardness pushing against the fabric of my dress. I dropped a hand down and hiked the dress up my thighs, allowing him to thrust his hips forward, showing me his want, his need, everything I’d been missing over the years.