Landline(17)

“I think you may just have reverse-anthropomorphized your own grandchildren.”

Her mom waved her empty fork dismissively. “You know what I mean.”

Heather leaned into Georgie and sighed. “Sometimes I feel like her daughter. And sometimes I feel like the dog with the least ribbons.”

Heather was eating spaghetti, too, but out of a restaurant to-go box. Georgie decided not to ask. She glanced up at the clock—seven forty-five.

“You know, I promised I’d call Neal before it gets too late.” She’d promised his voice mail, anyway. “I’m just going to use the phone in my room, if that’s okay.”

“But you haven’t finished eating,” her mom protested.

Georgie was already halfway down the hall. “I’ll be back!”

Her heart was beating hard when she got to her room. Was she that out of shape? Or just that nervous?

She curled her fingers behind the hooks of the yellow phone and sat on the bed, pulling it into her lap and waiting to catch her breath.

Please answer, she thought, picturing Neal’s somber blue eyes and his stern jaw. Picturing his strong pale face. Please. I just really need to hear your voice right now.

She started dialing his cell, then hung up and tried the landline—maybe Margaret was a better bet to pick up; their parents’ generation still felt morally obligated to answer phones.

Georgie listened to it ring, trying to hold down the butterflies in her stomach. Trying to crush them, actually, into butterfly bits and pieces.

“Hello?”

Neal. Finally.

Neal, Neal, Neal.

The butterflies burst back to life and started fluttering up Georgie’s throat. She swallowed. “Hey.”

“Georgie.” He said it like he was confirming something. Gently confirming.

“Hey,” she repeated.

“I didn’t think you’d call again.”

“I told your mom I would. I told you the last time we talked—why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think you’d call then either.”

“I love you,” she blurted out.

“What?”

“The last time we—you hung up before I could tell you that I love you.”

“So you called to say you love me?”

“I . . .” Georgie felt so confused. “I called to make sure you got in okay. To see how you are. To see how the girls are.”

Neal laughed. Not in a good way. It was the sound effect his defenses made when they snapped into place. “The girls,” he said. “The girls are fine. Are you talking about Dawn? Because I haven’t seen her.”

“What? Your mom said you were over there today.”

“When did you talk to my mom?”

“Today. She said Dawn was showing you her cockatiel. Amadeus.”

“Dawn’s cockatiel is named Falco.”

Georgie tucked in her chin, defensively. “Sorry. I’m not an expert on Dawn’s cockatiels.”

“Neither am I.”

She shook her head and took her glasses off, holding her palm against her eye. “Neal. Look. I’m sorry. This isn’t why I called.”

“Right. You called to tell me that you love me.”

“Yeah. Actually. Yes, I did. I love you.”

“Well, I love you, too. That isn’t the problem, Georgie.” His voice was almost a whisper.

Georgie whispered, too: “Neal. I didn’t know you were this upset. You should have told me you were this upset before you left. I wouldn’t have let you go—I would have come with.”

He laughed again, and this time it was even worse. “I should have told you?” he hissed. “I did tell you. I said, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ I said ‘I love you, but I’m not sure it’s enough, I’m not sure it will ever be enough.’ I said, ‘I don’t want to live like this, Georgie’—remember?”

Georgie was speechless. She did remember. But . . .

“Just a second,” Neal said quietly. “I don’t want to have this conversation in front of my parents. . . .” What he said next was muffled: “Dad, can you hang this up when I get upstairs?”

“Sure, tell your Georgie girl I said hi.”

“You can tell her yourself. She’s right there.”

“Georgie?” someone said into the phone. Someone who was not Neal’s dad. Who couldn’t be.

“Mr. Grafton?”

“We’re sorry you couldn’t come for Christmas this year. We made it snow for you and everything.”

“I’m sorry I missed it,” Georgie said—she must have said it, she heard herself say it.

“Well, maybe next year,” he said. He who was not, who could not be, Neal’s dad—who was dead. Who died in a train yard three years ago.

There was a click, then the hollow sound of another phone on the line. “I’ve got it, Dad, thanks.”

“See ya, Georgie girl,” Neal’s dad said. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” she said. Autonomically.

There was another click.

Georgie sat completely still.

“Georgie?”

“Neal?”