Lakewood(37)

“Sorry, I’m being inappropriate.” Dr. Lisa cleared her throat. She sat up straight and became the person Lena knew.

After work, Lena sat alone on a bench reading a book. She was so hungry she had to get out of the house. There was an apple she had thrown in the trash, coffee grounds with some dirty paper towels over it, but it would still be so easy to get it clean. Her neck and shoulders were stiff and painful; she couldn’t tell if it was from the office chairs or from repressing emotions, pushing herself away every day from wanting to go home.

A man crossed the park and sat next to her.

“I saw the most incredible thing in the woods near Long Lake,” he said, his voice high and excited. “I saw Bigfoot.”

Lena kept her eyes on her book as he spoke.

“I don’t mean like a big, detached human foot.” He spoke so quickly. “Although that would be gross and cool too. I mean Bigfoot. His fur was so clean. Holy shit, so clean.”

Lena looked up from her book and asked to see a photo. The man smiled—his teeth were straight, movie-star white. They were shocking next to his dirt-smeared cheeks. Leaves were stuck in his thick, wavy hair. He reached for his pockets, patted down his chest. Stood up, reached in his back pockets.

“No,” he said. “Stay here, okay? I’ll be right back.” He looked around and broke into a sprint.

“Talk to you later,” Lena yelled at his back. She picked up her phone and texted Tanya: People are nuts here.

By the end of the experiment, Lena was so hungry it was all she could think about. The pellets tasted like grains with no sugar, a generic nut taste, and seemed to make the hunger go away for only 30 minutes. Then her stomach would start complaining again. She had already lost seven pounds and felt like most of the weight had somehow come off her face.

“What is the point of this?” she asked Charlie, with only four more hours to go.

“To get us all bikini ready.”

Lena pulled a stack of yellow sticky notes out of her desk. “I’m so hungry these look delicious.”

Charlie laughed. Lena picked up one, stuffed it into her mouth. It was a pleasure to chew on it, just to feel something different that wasn’t water or pellet.

“If you swallow that,” Pancake Butt said, “you’ll have to start over.”

“It was a joke,” Lena said, the words hard to understand through the sticky note. She leaned over and spit it out. The sticky adhesive had been the best-tasting thing that had been in her mouth in days.

Day 31: You meet Judy (the receptionist). You accept deliveries throughout the day. Charlie (the manager) is still considering your earpiece request. Someone is still leaving the microwave filthy.

Dr. Lisa took the new receptionist to each person, introduced her as Judy the receptionist. She looked almost exactly like Bethany: older, white, a little thinner and taller, with blonde hair Lena knew was dyed because of the uniformity of the color.

She had brought in a plate of candied ginger scones. “They help with your digestion.”

At 11 a.m., Judy stood up from the receptionist’s desk. She did lunges, stretched, rolled her neck around, made sounds as if she were doing exerting exercises rather than moving her body.

At 2:15, she did it again. Then she walked over to Lena’s desk. “I noticed your face looks a little dry.”

“What?”

“Your face.” Judy pointed. “That means you need to incorporate more oranges into your diet. Oh, and drink only sparkling water for the minerals. That one is easy because the water here tastes so weird.”

Lena said she had to go take care of something. She went to the women’s bathroom, sat in a stall, and read on her phone for 20 minutes.

Day 32: Judy (the receptionist) begins a Get Fit! program for the office. The person with the most steps at the end of the month wins a special prize from corporate. You are suspicious that Tom is the person leaving the microwave dirty. A truck driver flirts with you over the phone.

At 11 a.m., Judy again did her stretches, letting out a moan Lena described in her head as Oh-no, my-groin. When she was done, Judy opened her desk drawer and pulled out what looked like a grapefruit. She peeled it, and the smell filled the air. She walked over to Lena’s desk, stood over her shoulder, and began talking at her. So, she was dating Charlie, right? No? That was surprising. Young people especially need love or they’ll just wilt, she told Lena. And didn’t Lena think Tom needed to lose 15 pounds or he was going to need a CPAP machine? You could just tell by how he sounded that he was a snorer. She paused to take a big bite of the grapefruit, gnashing it between her teeth and making a loud, wet noise that made Lena wince.

This time, Lena went to the supply closet, sat on the floor, and just stared at the piles of copy paper and the cleaning supplies.

Day 34. Judy sent everyone an email suggesting they plan a Christmas-in-July office party, though the day she had in mind was over six weeks away. When Charlie replied Sounds fun(!), the bombardment began. Email after email about Christmas dinner ideas, cheap decorations, game ideas, dress codes, playlists, guest lists, who should play Santa because, no offense, Santa should be authentic, so maybe they could all chip in and hire an actor if it was okay with the higher-ups to have an outsider in here.

After the third email with no response from anyone, Judy wandered around the office eating a grapefruit and asking people pointed questions about email etiquette.