Lady Smoke (Ash Princess Trilogy #2)(77)

“If you could just open the door for a moment, we could nudge him awake and come right back out,” I say to Tizoli, but he shakes his head again, just as he has every time I’ve asked him since we came down here ten minutes ago—it must be at least five times by now.

Erik takes a deep breath, preparing to yell again, but I cut him off by grabbing hold of the button on the sleeve of his cloak and yanking it off in one sharp tug.

“What did you do that for?” Erik demands, looking at his torn jacket in disbelief. “That was brand-new—my mother is going to kill me.”

I ignore him and step right up to the bars and reach my arm through, clutching the button tight in my hand. I throw the button as hard as I can at S?ren’s head, hitting him square in the middle of the forehead. It was a small button, but it was enough. S?ren’s hand flies up to belatedly swat it away before his eyes crinkle open and he stares at us sleepily.

“Finally,” I say. “You sleep like the dead.”

S?ren pulls himself up to sit, still looking dazed. “I think I’m still sleeping,” he admits. “What are you doing here? And what time is it?”

“Nearly dawn, I’d guess,” I say before turning to Tizoli. “Would you mind giving us some privacy?” I ask him. “We’ll come get you when we’re done.”

Tizoli hesitates but after a moment he nods and goes back down the hallway. I listen to his footsteps fade before speaking again.

“Quite the reversal of fortunes,” I say to S?ren, smiling even though there’s nothing funny about any of this.

S?ren smiles back, though it looks halfhearted. “Are you here to rescue me, Theo?” he asks wryly.

I shake my head. “They’re brewing up a truth serum for you, so as soon as they give you that, you should be in the clear. King Etristo said it could take some time, though.”

S?ren nods but he looks unconvinced. “Any clue who actually is working for my father?”

“None,” Erik says, his voice heavy. “It could quite literally be anyone. Hell, if they knew we shared a bloodline, I would probably be down here with you.”

“Yes, let’s keep that secret,” I say before sighing. “I got a reprieve from the suitors, at least. I said I couldn’t meet with anyone unless you were present to advise me.”

S?ren snorts. “I’m sure your aunt is pleased about that,” he says.

He means it as a joke, but the mention of Dragonsbane is like sandpaper against my skin and S?ren must see me cringe.

“What is it?” he asks.

I hesitate. “I have a question about the Astrean siege.” I take a deep breath and consider not asking at all. Maybe I don’t want to know the answer. “If we’d been warned that you were coming, what would have happened? Would it have been like Vecturia? Would you have turned around?”

S?ren frowns, thinking it over for so long I start to worry he’ll never answer, but finally he shakes his head. “Maybe it would have lasted longer. Maybe it would have turned into a war instead of a siege, but we still would have outmatched you. Astrea wasn’t prepared for an attack like that—they’d never had to face one before. I’m sorry if that’s not the answer you were looking for.”

“It is, actually,” I say. “But it still doesn’t make me feel any better.”

What Dragonsbane said pours out of me, and for their part, Erik and S?ren listen.

When I finish, my words are barely louder than a whisper. “I’ve always imagined my mother as a perfect queen, but that image has been ruined and I don’t know how to get it back.”

Erik and S?ren exchange a look, but it’s Erik who finally speaks.

“Well, our father is the Kaiser,” he says slowly. “We don’t have much experience with shattered illusions of parental figures.”

“But was there ever a time when you admired him?” I ask, looking between them.

They’re both quiet.

“No,” S?ren says finally. “Even before I understood what he was doing to other people, I knew what he was doing to my mother. I don’t remember a single kind word. I do remember her cowering in fear every time he approached her and wincing whenever he addressed her, like she’d been slapped. I saw my father as a monster from the very start—I just didn’t realize how wide his reach was.”

Erik clears his throat. “I think there was a time I aspired to be like him,” he admits. “It wasn’t for very long, yet it was there. He never acknowledged me as his son or even spoke to me, but it was no secret. I knew. And as a child, I thought that if I were bigger, if I were stronger, if I were better, he would love me. I hated you,” he tells S?ren.

S?ren frowns. “You did? I didn’t know that.”

Erik shrugs, glancing away. The light is too dim to say for sure, but I think his cheeks redden. “I didn’t know you then—only from a distance. You were just this boy who had everything I wanted so desperately, and you didn’t seem to appreciate it at all. Of course I hated you. But when we apprenticed together and became friends, I understood. I think that was when my illusions were shattered, though that’s a different sort of thing.”

“No, I think I understand,” I tell him. “Thank you.”

S?ren heaves a heavy sigh. “So, will you go back to the camp now that you don’t have to worry about suitors for a few days?”