Kiss the Stars (Falling Stars #1)(89)

I prayed I was telling the truth.

I’d tried for years to get loose. Keeton would always reel me back in.

Threats.

Reasons.

His hold on me a noose.

But I couldn’t keep doing this—walking out that door and not knowing if I’d return. If I’d be taken in a strike of violence, knowing what that would do to Maddie and my baby girl.





*



“It’s over. I can’t keep doing this.” I stared down Keeton in the middle of the night. He’d called me in once again. Saying it was urgent. Holding this bullshit over my head. “I’ve got a family, and this isn’t the life I want.”

Never was to begin with.

In the middle of it before I’d known what had hit me.

Nothing but a sixteen-year-old kid bribed with a shiny new bike like I was a five-year-old being suckered into the back of a van with a piece of candy.

“Six months ago, you said I was done. And now you’re demanding I come back? This is bullshit.”

Keeton rocked back in his chair. “We need you right now. Things are shaky with Krane and his crew.”

Yeah. They always were.

I gave him a harsh shake of my head. “And you know I can’t fix that.”

“Think you might be the only one who can.”

“I’m done, Keeton. I mean it. You want to end me for walking? So be it. But I’m no longer your pawn.”

His face flashed displeasure, hard because the asshole didn’t like to be crossed.

I stood my ground. Think he knew I was serious this time.

“Fine, Leif. You want to be cut out? See this deal through, and you’re free. Honorable discharge.” He cracked a menacing grin.

He and I both knew there was nothing honorable about it.

I fought the disquiet that sparked.

The disbelief that Keeton would ever actually let me go.

I edged back and rapped a fist on the table.

“After this shipment? You forget I exist.”





Twenty-Nine





Mia





A light breeze whispered at the windows, the sound soothing and calm, washing over us where we lie in the middle of my bed.

Legs tangled under the covers and our hearts beating in sync.

Both of us were on our sides, facing each other, no words needed for the long minutes that passed as we fought to find our breaths.

I’d let him take me again because I’d known he’d needed it after what he’d revealed on the painting. If I were being truthful, I’d needed it, too.

The connection.

The physical promise that I was there.

Leif threaded his fingers through mine and brought the back of my hand to his lips.

He kissed me there.

Gently.

Reverently.

Tingles spread.

Emotion right behind it.

Those brown-sugared eyes searched mine. Tonight, they were so soft that I could feel them seeping through my flesh.

“Will you tell me about them?” I asked into the lapping shadows of my room, my voice quieted to make sure I didn’t disturb the kids.

He flinched, but then, with our hands still twined, he reached up and brushed his knuckles down my jaw. “Not sure it’s something you want to hear about.”

Nervously, my tongue swept across my dried, swollen lips. “I want to know you, Leif.”

“And I’m terrified for you to know that person, Mia. Terrified for you to know the real me.”

I reached out and trembled my fingers across his lips. “I already see the real you, and I know there is no reason to be afraid.”

He blinked, as if he wanted to shut me out. “That’s you projecting again, Mia. Seeing what you want to see.”

My head shook. “We all make mistakes.”

He bit out a harsh laugh. “But some of us make mistakes that cost others their lives.”

My heart skipped a beat of dread. Misery for this man. Maybe a little of my own. “Like I did with Lana?”

His head shook on the pillow. “No, Mia. That is different. Completely different. You didn’t do anything to put her in danger in the first place.”

I gulped around the lump that grew solid in my throat, not sure if I wanted to ask. Knowing I had to. “And you did?”

Grief struck through his features. Dark and forbidding. Disgust and hatred. “Told you I wasn’t a good guy.”

“And I’ve seen nothing but a good guy,” I argued.

A swell of discomfort rolled through him. “Feel like I’m someone different when I’m around you. Think that might be what scares me most. Fact you make me feel like I could be someone different. Someone better.”

“But you loved her? Loved them?”

Agony crawled through his body, a resounding, palpable wave that nearly took me under. “More than anything. They were my life, Mia. My everything. But the rest of who I was? He was a bad guy. He did horrible, bad things.”

His lips pressed together. Blanching. Self-loathing pinching every line on his face.

Dark laughter rumbled from his lips. “You know, they say karma will one day bite you in the ass. Come back and make you pay.” His brow twisted in vicious emphasis. “She got me double, Mia. That bitch took everything. All of it. But she made the ones who weren’t guilty pay. And now . . . now I’m going to exact that same fate on the one she used to make it possible. And when I do? I doubt there’s going to be anything left of me.”