Kiss the Stars (Falling Stars #1)(52)

A rush of aggression gusted through Leif. “He hurt you?”

“No. It was never like that. He was just . . . trouble. Involved in things that I didn’t want for my life, so I had to cut him loose.”

He threaded his fingers together, voice lowering when he pressed, “But he’s Greyson’s father?”

“Yeah. He’d turned his life around. Started his own business. Wanted to be a part of Penny’s life. Support both of us. One thing led to another . . .” I trailed off.

Details not required.

“Because you still loved him.” It wasn’t even a question.

My nod was slow. “I thought I did. But I think it was more that I was hoping that we could work things out and be a family. That’s what I’d always wanted, after all.” I lifted my face to the night sky. “To create art and create a family. Those are my two most beautiful things.”

“What went wrong?”

Disparaging laughter rippled out. “Everything, I guess. Things were always tumultuous between us. Super on or super off. Fighting constantly. In the end, there was too much distrust. Too many questions. Too much hurt. I realized I was fighting for something that hadn’t been there for a long, long time, and I could fight for it forever, but it was never going to change the fact that he and I didn’t belong together.”

Leif stilled. Waiting.

Air puffed from my nose. “There was one night he didn’t come home. It wasn’t the first time it’d happened. I texted him probably a thousand times, and I realized that wasn’t the life I wanted to live. Paranoid. Worried. Angry. So I packed our things and left. It didn’t matter what the explanation or reason he was surely going to give, I couldn’t continue to put me and my family through that constant turmoil.”

“So, that was it?”

My shoulder hiked. “He’s been trying to get me to come back ever since. I can’t completely cut him out when he’s still involved with the kids, and he was the one who’d helped to fund mine and Lana’s art gallery to begin with.”

Our pasts tied in a way that would never be undone.

“I’m sorry. Anyone dumb enough to mess up being with you? Don’t think he deserves you, anyway.”

He said it with a cocky smirk lined with the most callous truth.

I lay my head on my knees, peering over at him, just the outline of him in my periphery. It didn’t matter. The man was the only thing I could see.

“I can’t regret a second of it. I got my children out of it. To me, that will always be the greatest, most important thing.”

Leif flinched. I wasn’t sure if it was in agreement or pain. Maybe both.

Eyes narrowed, I focused on him. “Kids make you nervous.”

Air puffed from his nose. Incredulous disgust. “Guys like me shouldn’t get mixed up with kids.”

“Why is that?”

His grin was wholly forced. “We’ve seen how much Greyson likes me. He thinks I’m a hole in one. It’s better to stay out of the line of fire.”

A giggle slipped free. “He’s a handful, that’s for sure.”

“Maybe the kid is just a good judge of character. He’ll scare off all the bad guys for you. Second he saw me, no doubt he was figuring out how to get me away from you.”

His grin was brittle.

Amusement flashed while disappointment spun.

“Tell me not all the good men are gone.”

Leif sighed. “Don’t doubt he’s out there, Mia . . . a guy who can handle it all. One who is good from the inside out. One who deserves you and those kids. Don’t give up on that.”

I could feel his reservations ripple through the space. “You gonna have more?”

My head slowly shook, and I tilted my gaze to the heavens. “I had a complication after I had Greyson and had to have a procedure.”

I lifted my cupped hand toward the sky. “Having another would be like catching a falling star.”

Impossible.

But I was the fool who would wish on it, anyway.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was low.

“How could I be sad? I have the two most amazing children.”

His jaw twitched with the crush of his teeth, and his eyes squeezed shut before he said, “You do.” He scrubbed his palms on his jeans like he needed to break up the tension. “So . . . where do you go from here? Back to California? After the bastard is caught who took your friend?”

I looked that way. At the softness in those brown-sugar eyes, at the hardness that surrounded the creases, and I did my best not to think about the way his lips tasted the same.

Tender and biting.

“I’m not sure. I feel a little lost right now, honestly. Not sure where I belong or where I want to go. I always seem to find myself in these messes and don’t know how to get myself out of them. I don’t know if I have a backlog of bad karma coming at me or what.”

“Or maybe you’re just too sweet to see when you’re mixing with the wrong people.”

I knew what he was implying. Who he was referring to. Was I so blind to disagree? And why did I feel so damned compelled to dig deeper?

To seek and find and discover?

But I wanted to, to disappear inside his mind. Get lost in his cruel, brittle heart.

“Call me na?ve, I guess.”