Just The Way You Are(86)

‘Maybe he had one quick peep, concluded that his plan must be working and moved to stage two.’

‘His plan?’ Sam looked back at me, teeth glinting in amusement.

‘He thinks that you might be interested in being more than friends,’ I mumbled. ‘I’ve told him that’s not the case.’

‘Ah. Okay.’ Sam’s voice was low. I huddled back in my chair, not sure whether to be hideously embarrassed, to shrug it off as a hilarious joke between friends or to hope that somehow, Ebenezer might end up being right.

Sam raised his eyebrows at me in invitation, holding out his hand as the music twined around us. I had to smile and shake my head when I realised that Ebenezer had put on ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran. When it got to the line about dancing in the dark, barefoot in the grass, the wine mingling with the attraction in my veins decided it would be rude not to.

How many opportunities did a woman have to dance under the stars with a stunningly handsome man? In my case, only one so far, and history would strongly imply that there wouldn’t be a second. I would be a fool to pass this up.

Sam placed one hand on the small of my back, his other hand clasping mine and pressed between our chests as we swayed, and, resting my head on his shoulder, feeling the smooth skin of his neck and the pulse that hammered beneath it, the evening was about as close to perfect as it gets.

When the song finished, Sam whispered, ‘Is he going to give us a round of applause, or hold up a mark out of ten?’ and we both started laughing, so that when he pulled back and fixed his gaze on mine, it caught me off guard.

Sam looked deadly serious as his eyes locked onto mine. This did not feel fun or light-hearted. My heart had never felt so full and heavy with emotions that were nothing to do with friendship.

His mouth twitched slightly as he dropped his gaze to my lips.

‘I would really like to kiss you,’ he whispered, voice hoarse.

I had to close my eyes to push beyond the building passion and find one last smithereen of reason.

This was Sam, my friend, and I really, really wanted him to kiss me.

But this was Sam. My friend. And I didn’t want to do something stupid in a moment of summer madness that would ruin our friendship forever.

If for one second I could think beyond this kiss, I could see what would follow. And every possible scenario ended with him having to tell me that he’d been honest from the start about what he wanted, and me walking away from our friendship with my emotions in tatters.

‘That’s… I can’t…’ I stammered back. ‘The No-Man Mandate…’

He tipped his head down slightly towards me, almost resting his forehead against mine. ‘You made up the No-Man Mandate. If you don’t want to kiss me, that’s fine, I won’t ask again. But it’s your rules, Ollie. You can break them if you want.’

I shook my head, fumbling for the right words. Honestly, I felt terrified about how badly I wanted to kiss this man. And how much I wanted that to lead to a thousand more kisses, and starlit dances, and days and nights spent together so I never had to make this kind of impossible decision alone again.

And that in itself was enough reason to say what I had to say next. Even if it did feel as though I’d punched myself in the heart.

‘I don’t want…’ I had to stop and clear my throat. ‘I’m sorry.’

Then I turned and ran into the house as fast as I could.

But if I thought that was the equivalent to smashing my internal organs with a meat mallet, it was nothing to what happened next.





29





When Leanne came home three days later, End Cottage was rife with mixed feelings. Both Joan and I were of course delighted that Leanne was well enough to be discharged. No child should have to face the ongoing trauma of visiting their only parent in hospital for a single day longer than is necessary. Seeing a tinge of pink override Leanne’s sallow complexion along with the hint of steel back in her eyes was wonderful. However, she was still pitifully weak.

There was no way that Leanne would be able to take care of herself, let alone a child. We didn’t speculate whether this was for now, or forever. Dealing with each day was more than enough to be going on with. The hospital were clear that they were only letting Leanne go home because her parents were ready and willing to provide whatever support was required.

Leanne had a two-bedroom cottage riddled with mould and broken appliances.

Her parents had a three-bedroom house with a hot tub.

The solution was obvious.

Joan also pointed out, several times, that it had a tiny back garden with no forest waiting to be explored, and, more importantly, no dog.

‘I don’t care about decorating a new bedroom or going to some fancy school!’ she cried, face buried in Nesbit’s neck after the hospital visit when Leanne had announced her decision to move. ‘When I’m in my bedroom, it’s dark and I’m asleep – I can’t even see what colour the walls are.’

‘I’m not sure what your mum would think about you choosing a dog over her,’ I said, stroking her hair.

‘It’s not only that.’ She straightened up, expression full of bewilderment. ‘It’ll be like when we go to the hospital, with people everywhere and concrete and zebra crossings and too much noise. Only all of the time, everywhere I go, and even thinking about it gives me a headache.’