Just One Year(35)

He looked conflicted.

I didn’t know what to say. My body buzzed with an excited energy, likely fueled by some insane hope that his feelings for me might go beyond friendship.

As much as we’d just opened up to each other, I felt no closure. He was being more honest than I was. My feelings for him had evolved way past an innocent point. But I didn’t see what good it would do to admit that. Aside from the fact that he had a girlfriend, I had no clue if his feelings for me were truly platonic or not. Did he care for me like a sister, or was he starting to feel more? I was terrified to ask directly. I wasn’t prepared for the answer, no matter what it was.

I decided to change the subject altogether. “So, you’re staying here for Christmas?”

“Yeah. I hope that’s okay.”

“I was happy to hear that, although I think your mom might be upset. Can your parents really not afford to fly you home, or do you just not want to go?”

His jaw clenched. “I didn’t want to get into it at the bowling alley, but there’s more to it than cost. Christmas is a difficult time of year for my family. My sister died around Christmas, so the fact that she’s gone just becomes magnified. I’m giving myself a break from it this year.”

I nodded, not surprised by his explanation. “Well, I hope you’ll have a good time here. Maura does a great job making everything festive. We have a party on Christmas Eve, and she invites the entire neighborhood. The house is so cold from the door opening and closing constantly with people coming and going.”

“Will there be a penis pi?ata?”

“Fortunately, no.” I laughed.

Caleb smiled. “I can’t wait.”

“My situation is nothing compared to yours, but I get more depressed around the holidays, too. It’s funny how that works. It’s supposed to be such a joyous time, and yet for so many people, it’s the opposite. It’s a weird feeling.”

“Well, we can feel weird together this year.” He winked.

I smiled wide. The idea of having him here for Christmas made me so happy—giddy, even, the total antithesis of how I normally felt as the holidays approached. Caleb had changed my outlook on life. The fact that he’d endured so much pain and still had the ability to laugh, to charm people, to bleed charisma, made me realize even if you sometimes feel dead inside, you can live. You can fake it till you make it. You don’t have to live like you’re dead.

I didn’t want to think about how I would feel when it came time for Caleb to leave. I only knew this year with him was something I would never forget.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN




* * *



CALEB




The following afternoon, Archie rolled a suitcase into the kitchen as I was making a snack. “Can I talk to you for a second, mate?”

I looked down at his luggage. “What’s going on?”

He parked his suitcase in the corner. “Look, I haven’t felt like you wanted me here from the moment I walked in the door. At first, I thought my sudden appearance had just taken you by surprise, but then I realized it was something more than that.”

I closed my eyes briefly. “You’re right. But it’s my issue more than anything. I’m sorry if I—”

“Don’t worry about explaining. A true friend wouldn’t stick around if it made you uncomfortable, regardless of the reason. Our friendship might not be perfect, but I value it too much to fuck it up for a free room. You clearly want your space. And you want me away from Teagan. Whatever your reason, I need to respect that.”

This should have been the part where I told him he was wrong, that I was sorry, and asked him to stay. But I didn’t. I was relieved.

Specifically dodging the Teagan part of his comment, I asked, “Where will you stay?”

His mouth curved into a smile. “That girl in Dorchester finally got her boarder out. I went today to check out the room—which is brilliant.” He winked. “And it turns out, so is she.”

Ah. Well, it certainly didn’t take him long to move on.

“You’re leaving because the girl in Dorchester is fit?”

He laughed. “That’s not the only reason. I disturbed your peace here. And I didn’t mean to do that.” He shrugged. “It just happened to work out that the room opened up at the same time I had that realization. I’ll still be in the city. You’ll still get to see me, just not right under your nose.”

“Did you tell Maura?”

“Yes. I thanked her profusely for her hospitality. She’s a great lady. You hit the jackpot with this place.”

I blew out a long breath. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted.”

“Can I give you a piece of advice?” he asked.

“Sure. What is it?”

“Save yourself the trouble later. Break up with that girl of yours. It’s not going anywhere. She doesn’t make your face light up the way Teagan does. It hit me after we parted ways that night—what was really going on, how much you fancy her. You do realize it’s Teagan you want, right? Because if you don’t see it now, you eventually will.” He smiled. “I’ll call you soon.”

While I said nothing, he patted me on the shoulder, rolled his suitcase away, and walked out the door.