Just Like the Other Girls(70)

Perhaps Elspeth will open up to me at last. Maybe I can try to find out what happened to Una.

‘What did you dream about?’ I ask, curling my legs up underneath me, as though she’s about to tell me a story.

She casts her eyes to her skinny, mottled hands resting on her lap. Her eyes, I’m shocked to note, are wet. ‘My daughter.’

‘Kathryn?’ Why would she be dreaming about her? And then I realize she means the other daughter.

‘No. I’ve got … had … another daughter. Viola. She …’ she gulps ‘… she left home at eighteen.’

I pretend to look surprised.

‘I don’t know.’ She sighs heavily. ‘Maybe it’s because I’m getting on. But I’ve been thinking a lot about her recently.’

‘Does she keep in touch?’ I ask, knowing the answer.

‘I’ve not heard from her in thirty years.’ Her voice breaks. I’ve spent a lot of time with Elspeth over the three weeks she’s employed me, and I’ve never heard her talk with such emotion in her voice. ‘I was so angry. So angry for such a long time. But now I think what’s the use? What was it all for?’

‘What happened?’ I ask gently.

She shakes her head and swallows. Just as I’m beginning to think she isn’t going to tell me, and wonder if I should excuse myself and go back to bed, she says, ‘I don’t know. That’s the sad thing. We argued. Of course. She was a teenager and not an easy one at that. She resented me, I think, because I adopted Kathryn. Viola was very mean to Kathryn. She bullied her. And Kathryn was like an eager puppy trying to please Viola at every turn. Viola took advantage of that. Huw, my husband, and I, we …’ she wrings her hands ‘… we had to rescue Kathryn on more than one occasion. Once Viola left her in the woods. Another time she lured her onto the suspension bridge when it was foggy and tied her to the railings as a prank. Kathryn was shaking with shock when we found her. It was … I was appalled that a daughter of mine could do such a thing. And I took Kathryn’s side. That’s how it must have looked to Viola. Then she met a boy … a brute, he was most unsuitable. We argued constantly. Huw had died by this time so it was just me and her, butting heads the whole time. And then, one day, she simply … left.’

‘Without a word?’

‘Nothing …’ She shrugs and wipes at her eyes with a silk handkerchief she always seems to have about her person. ‘I never heard from her again.’

‘Have you ever tried to find her?’ I ask.

‘Once. A few years after she left, when I realized she wasn’t coming back. By this time Kathryn was at university and I thought … I thought the conflict between them would have run out of steam, that it might be a good time for her to come back. I tried a private detective agency but …’ she shakes her head ‘… nothing. No leads. No clues. It’s like she disappeared into thin air.’ She smiles at me sadly. ‘You remind me of her. You’ve all reminded me of her.’

I know she’s thinking of the others. Of Matilde and Jemima and Una.

‘And they’ve all gone too. All gone. Like her. Like my Viola.’ She touches my cheek again. ‘You won’t go, will you? You won’t leave me too? Promise.’

How can I promise such a thing when I never stick at a job for long? I’ll get bored. I’ve already had a stab at many different careers – nursing, dog-walking, secretary, now a carer. I know my flaws. But Elspeth looks so sad, so desperate, that I find myself promising to stay. For as long as she needs me.

I sit with her until she falls asleep and then I get up slowly, so as not to wake her. That’s when I notice something on the floor: a piece of crumpled fabric. In the shadows it looks like the blanket Arlo used to take to bed with him when he was a kid. I bend over and pick it up and that’s when I see it’s a woman’s T-shirt in rose pink with a glittery star on the front. Much too small and trendy to be either Kathryn’s or Elspeth’s. I hide it under my pyjama top and creep out of the room.





33





The Cuckoo, 1984

It was March when Katy found the kitten.

She was walking home from school, alone as always. Viola had gone off with her horrible mates. Elspeth had given up asking Viola to accompany Katy. It worried Katy, who lived with the gut-wrenching fear that she’d be sent back to the home.

She tried not to think about it as she ambled along the Downs, kicking through the long grass, dew soaking her knee-high white socks with the pale blue turnovers. She still couldn’t get used to the smart uniform. She even had to wear a blazer and a kilt. It made her feel like she was in Malory Towers, although she hated most of the girls at the all-girls school. Only one had bothered to befriend her. Mandy was as much of an outcast as she was, with her limp hair and thick NHS glasses. She was a scholarship kid, which meant her school fees were paid for her because she was clever but her family were poor. Katy had been to Mandy’s house. It was like the one she’d lived in with her mum, but Mandy’s mum and sister were lovely and welcoming, and the house was cosy and warm. Katy loved going around there, although she knew Elspeth didn’t really approve. Elspeth would rather she was friends with one of the more ‘prosperous’ families, like that brat Cass’s – she was in Viola’s year. Katy was thankful for Mandy. She felt she could cope as long as her friend was by her side.