Just Like the Other Girls(5)

Kathryn has often wondered how her life would have turned out if she’d given her mother two delicate blonde granddaughters instead of large-boned, boisterous grandsons. They’d have been invited around for Sunday lunch a lot more. And maybe she would have felt that she truly belonged to this family. She would have watched with a sense of pride as her mother fawned over them, doting on them, instead of the polite indifference she doles out to her grandsons.

Kathryn steps into the sitting room, pulling on her coat. She needs to get back to Ed and the boys. It’s past their dinner-time and she doubts her husband would have thought about what to cook, even though she’d given him clear instructions this morning on what was in the freezer. ‘How will you cope for the next three days before Una starts?’

She knows all too well that her mother will be fine. Because, the truth is, she doesn’t really need someone to care for her. She has Aggie the cook, Carole the cleaner, and an ever-changing stream of gardeners and handymen on call. She’s perfectly capable of caring for herself because she has more than enough money to fund every whim. No, the problem with her mother is that she can’t bear to be on her own, even for a few hours. She’s never been at ease in her own company, like Kathryn has. Even as a younger woman, Elspeth had to fill her days with events or errands so that every hour was accounted for. It was as though she thrived on the hustle and bustle and general business of her life, of running the galleries, or travelling across the country to buy antiques or fussing over Huw – going to London to buy specially tailored suits or his favourite aftershave, which could be found only in Harrods. She used to wish her mother would just stop sometimes and spend some quality time with her family. And now, as she’s aged, she has no choice but to stop, and Kathryn can see that it drives her crazy.

Elspeth picks up a book from the side table. It’s a first edition by some highbrow author whose name Kathryn can never pronounce. She wonders if her mother has ever read it. It’s always seemed more of a prop. Growing up, Kathryn was never allowed a television – ‘Not cultured enough, darling. Much better to go to the theatre or read a book’, not that her mother ever sat still for long enough to read – and Elspeth still didn’t have one in the house. Huw would escape to the garden to watch cricket on a portable TV he’d set up in the shed.

Elspeth clears her throat, turning the pages slowly without reading a word. ‘Well, I have you, don’t I, darling? You’ve been here every day to check up on me,’ she says, without glancing up.

‘Of course you have me. I don’t know why you bother paying someone else.’ Kathryn goes to the window and closes the heavy curtains, shuddering as she catches sight of the suspension bridge. It still gives her the creeps at night, even after all this time. ‘I can pop in every day. Why waste your money?’

‘We’ve discussed this,’ her mother says, in a bored tone. ‘I have more than enough money to spare. I’d rather have the assurance of someone being with me all day. What if I fall again? You have a family and a job. I can’t rely on you.’

Kathryn suppresses a sigh. Two years ago her mother had slipped coming down the stairs. She insists she knocked herself out and was lying at the bottom of the stairs for hours until Aggie found her. Aggie had called an ambulance but, apart from a sprained wrist, she had been fine. After that Elspeth suddenly got it into her head that she needed a companion, as though she was one of those aristocratic ladies from the late 1800s, and it seemed only a young blonde girl would do. Within weeks of her fall she had employed the first of them, an attractive bubbly girl called Matilde, without even talking to Kathryn about it.

‘You know I’d give up my job if you’re worried about being alone and falling again. Surely it would be better for you to be looked after by family rather than some – some stranger.’

‘And who would run your father’s gallery?’ Elspeth asked, without looking up from the book she’s pretending to read. She hasn’t turned one page.

‘I could do it around the gallery. Daisy can cope without me … she’s very capable and –’

‘No. I need someone with me full time. And I pay you more at the gallery than you would earn as my companion.’

‘You’re my mother! You know I’d do it for free!’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. You couldn’t afford to do it for free. Not on what your husband earns.’ And there it is. The little dig she always makes whenever Ed is mentioned: that Kathryn married for love rather than money is a personal affront to Elspeth. Her mother snaps the book closed and places it back on the side table. She scrutinizes Kathryn, with her bright, penetrating gaze. Kathryn has to concentrate on not rolling her eyes. She knows Elspeth has never approved of Ed because he isn’t some fancy lawyer or surgeon from a well-bred family. Instead he has a normal job in IT and went to a state school. But what her mother has never bothered to find out was that she fell head over heels for Ed because he made her feel safe. He made her feel that he’d never leave her, or hurt her. When they met, at university, he was the first person with whom she’d felt she could be her true self.

‘But we’re doing okay,’ she lies. ‘The mortgage is nearly paid off …’ She doesn’t reveal that they’ve borrowed more because she hopes she’ll inherit enough from her mother in the future to pay it off.