June, Reimagined (14)
BTW . . . my parents gave me their gas card. i already stocked our mini fridge with diet dr pepper and natural light. best christmas gift ever!
—Al
June clutched the calling card and cordless phone in her hands. Nerves like she had never felt threatened to paralyze her. She had been in Scotland for a week. She now knew her way from the inn to the café. She had labeled groceries in the fridge. Her clothes occupied drawers, and her suitcase was packed away in the closet.
The deer heads lining the living room walls stared at her in judgment. June couldn’t delay this moment anymore. She started dialing the long number on the calling card as she sat on the worn-out tartan couch in the living room. She immediately stood, unable to sit still. With every second she considered hanging up, until a voice answered.
Matt sounded out of breath.
“Are you running?” June asked.
“June! What the fuck? Is that you?”
“Answer my question.”
“No, I’m not running. You know how I feel about endurance sports. I couldn’t find my damn cell phone and I panicked. I just tore all the cushions off the couch.”
“Why are you panicked?”
“Why the hell do you think, June?” he yelled. “You Harry-fucking-Houdinied on me!”
June bit her lip. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Leaving? Not answering my emails? Shutting me out of whatever the hell is going on with you?”
“I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s not about me, June. I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about you. How am I supposed to take care of you if I don’t know where you are? Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Is that what’s going on here?”
“No! It’s never you. You’re perfect, Matty. It’s . . .” June put her head in her hands. “Me.”
“Then tell me what’s going on.”
His voice was coated in fatigue and worry, and June hated that she had done this to him. But she also knew that a full confession would only make it worse. “Are you back at school?” she asked, feeling like a coward. “Is it freezing in Columbus?”
“You know what it’s like. It’s winter in Ohio. Stop avoiding my questions.”
June could picture Matt walking across Ohio State’s campus, a scarf around his neck. She loved that Matt wore a scarf. It made him look academic and metropolitan in a midsize city like Columbus, where the college-student uniform was a hooded Ohio State sweatshirt and jeans. The scarf was a reminder that Matt Tierney was destined for more than some midsize town in Middle America. Ohio was not his future. It was simply his now, a stepping-stone to balance on before leaping to a bigger rock.
If anyone would understand her need to get away, it was Matt. He had been dreaming of a life outside Sunningdale since they were kids. Whereas June’s brother, Josh, had hung posters of swimsuit models on his walls, Matt had the skyline of New York City. He memorized the buildings and their locations, stayed up to date on Broadway shows and exhibits at the Met, obsessed over the subway system. Matt talked so frequently about New York that, by the time his dad took him there in high school, June had forgotten that Matt had never been before. And when he came home, wearing a Strand Bookstore T-shirt, June’s best friend had changed. It was as if Matt had grown, not physically but in every other way. He had become too big for their small town.
“OK. Don’t freak out, Matty.”
“Fuck,” he said. “Now, I’m freaking out. Where are you, June?”
June willed herself to speak the word. “Scotland,” she whispered. The line went quiet. June thought he’d hung up, and she panicked. “Matty, are you there?”
“I’m here,” he said in a low, serious voice. “I knew your parents were lying. What the fuck, June? Scotland? How did this even happen? Why didn’t you tell me you were planning this?”
“Because you would have come with me!”
“Damn right I would have. And that’s a bad thing?”
“Yes!” June said. “I won’t derail your life because mine’s a mess.”
“But Scotland? Why did you run so far away from me?”
June started to cry. “Because you can’t fix this.”
“I know I can’t bring Josh back, but I can make you happy. If you would just let me try, June.”
She didn’t respond. Matt always assumed he knew all of June’s problems because that’s how it had always been. For over a decade, they had shared everything, and then a few years ago, that bond had changed. Now she was too far in. Her lies were compounding, and the more she was around Matt, the more she set him up to suffer.
“I just need some time away from everything,” she said.
“Me included?”
June couldn’t answer that. She didn’t want space between her and Matt, and yet staying close to him was impossible. If she cared about him at all, which she did with all her heart, the only way to protect their friendship was distance.
“At least tell me how in the hell you ended up in fucking Scotland,” he said.
June confessed to buying the cheapest ticket she could get, describing her first few days in Inverness, the advertisement for work at the Thistle Stop Café in Knockmoral, her new room at the Nestled Inn. She omitted her near-death experience, and Lennox. Revealing the trip to the hospital would only scare Matt more. And as for Lennox, if Matt knew some asshole was giving June a hard time, he would be on the next plane out of the US.