Jet (Marked Men, #2)(81)

“Why on earth would Asa go back to Woodward, knowing what was waiting for him there?”

I was so lost, so confused, but one thing was obvious, this was just one more person who had used me as a means to an end. One more person who couldn’t see past what they thought I should be. As it turned out, being the only person that knew where to find me, the only person back home with a clue as to how my life was progressing out in the mountains, had proven too good a bargaining chip for him not to use.

“Because I called him and passed on the message that if he didn’t come back, the club was going after you.”

I hissed out a breath through my teeth. “You would have sent them here?”

“It’s a lot of money, Ayden. One day, maybe you’ll understand. I’m the one who called the ambulance when they were done with your brother, so maybe instead of judging me, you should thank me. After all, the life you’re living now, no matter how you came by it, is because of me. I knew I was absolutely doing the right thing when I saved you from this town. I knew you had greatness in you and I wasn’t wrong. You have become a remarkable young woman with so much potential. It does a guilty part of me good to know I had a hand in that.”

“Asa came back because of me?”

That didn’t make any sense. My brother was selfish, he was arrogant, and really, the only person he cared about was himself. The idea that he would have sacrificed himself for my safety was just crazy.

“He did. He knew whatever the club did to him wouldn’t compare to what they would have done to you, if they got their hands on you. For what it’s worth, your brother got less than he deserved, and if he pulls through, maybe he’ll have learned a lesson. I really am sorry it had to go this way, Ayden. You deserve better.”

The phone went dead on the other end of the line. I let mine rattle from my numb hand onto the floor. I put my forehead against my knees and concentrated on not passing out. It was all a lot to take in. My brother, Mr. Kelly, the way things were with Jet, all of it came tumbling down around me, like a house of cards. Thoughts of things I should have done differently started slamming into my head, left and right. The decisions I had made, bad and good, began chasing each other in a circle so fast that I was dizzy and sick at the same time.

I heard the bathroom door open and looked up at Cora with startled eyes. I must have been quite a sight, because she freaked out a little when she called my name.

“What in the hell is going on? I thought you fell in the shower or something.”

I just gazed up at her, this little punk-rock pixie who I loved, and realized that Mr. Kelly was dead wrong. The life I had now had nothing to do with anyone but me. These people loved me for me and would love me in spite of me. They loved whatever me I gave them, no questions asked. Bad choices and a life lived unwisely before I got to this point weren’t worth suffering an eternity for, and trying to save Jet from me was stupid. He was the only person I had ever cared about who wanted me just for me, and not for what I could do for him. If I had let him, he would have loved every part of me, and made sure that both of us were safe from the things that the past kept trying to drag us back into.

I blinked up at Cora right before she was going to smack me to get my attention.

“I have to go home.” My voice cracked. I think all of the things that made me who I was were starting to leak out, but I wasn’t afraid of anyone seeing it anymore. I wasn’t afraid of seeing it in the mirror every day anymore.

“Home? Home, like Kentucky? Why?”

“My brother is in the hospital. It doesn’t sound good.”

She got on her knees in front of me and put her tiny hands over mine, where they were resting on my knees.

“Oh no, do you need me to go with you? Do you want me to call Shaw? I didn’t even know you had a brother.”

I just shook my head and let it flop back until it banged against the cabinet door.

“No. My mom took off with some trucker named Earl or Daryl or something. Not like she would come back anyway. Mother of the Year she is not. It’s just me and Asa, and normally really it’s just me, but he got hurt trying to do something right for the first time in his sorry life. Now I have to go back home and hope he pulls through, so I can kick his ass and thank him, in that order.”

She had a look of shock on her pretty face.

“I think that’s the most you’ve ever said to me about your past, ever.”

I closed my eyes and blew out a breath.

“That’s because it’s not a pretty tale and I spend a lot of time pretending it never happened. Only now, it’s right in my face and it caused me to push the only guy I’ve ever loved away. I thought Jet wasn’t right because he made all the old parts of me want to break free and take control of this wonderful life I have here. I think I’ve been punishing myself for things I’ve done in the past. Jet would have been a reward, and I refused to take it, because I didn’t think I deserved him.”

She moved so that she was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of me. I couldn’t look away from those odd-colored eyes. The blue on one side was intense and sad, and the brown was dark and filled with sympathy.

“Ayd, I don’t know who you think comes from some kind of Leave It to Beaver background. Rule barely talks to his folks, Shaw’s mom is the Wicked Witch of the West, and Nash hates his mom’s husband so much he moved out when he was just a little boy. Rowdy doesn’t even know who his folks are, my mom took off before I could walk and left me with a dad that conveniently forgot I was a girl every chance he got, and we all know how bad Jet’s dad treats his mom. None of us is shooting sunshine out of our asses, girl, so I don’t know why you think you should suffer alone.”