Jet (Marked Men, #2)(48)

“I don’t have a whole lot of time for this to happen, Ayd, so even if you can’t help I still have to figure something out.”

“I guess you should have thought about that before you decided to rip a bunch of criminals off.”

He put that smile on again that made my skin crawl. “A leopard can’t change its spots, sis. Maybe it would do you some good to remember that.”

I watched him walk away and felt like the world was shifting under my feet. Asa was ruthless—he was a survivor and he didn’t care who he hurt or who he stepped on to get what he wanted. I needed to come up with something fast or he was going to systematically dismantle my entire life here in Denver.

I let out a startled yelp when a hand landed on my shoulder. Shaw held up her hands in surrender and laughed at me.

“A little bit jumpy, are we?”

I groaned and shoved my hands through my hair. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Her bright green eyes sharpened with concern. “Is everything all right?”

She was my best friend. She loved me and I knew she wouldn’t judge me. Only letting her all the way in, letting her have access to all the dirt and vitriol Asa brought up, froze me solid from the inside out.

“Yeah, I guess I’m just on edge still. You know, keeping both eyes open and all that.”

“It’s probably better to be safe than sorry.”

I nodded absently and resigned myself to the fact I was going to miss class and have to figure out a way to get my hands on a whole lot of money really fast.

“What’s been going on with you?”

She rolled her eyes and tucked her long hair behind her ears. “Still arguing with Rule about the house. I told him that I would love to move into one with him, if he let me put down half of the down payment. He lost his mind.”

I followed her up the stairs and let her talk while I nodded and listened sympathetically. We stopped outside the classroom for my next class and I tugged on the end of her braid to get her to take a breath.

“Shaw, think about this from his perspective for just a second. This is a guy who has a hard time making bonds with anyone, has a hard time committing to anything, and he wants to buy you a home. You offering to pay for half of it makes logical sense to me and you, because you have more money than God, but to him it’s taking something he’s trying to do for you, for the two of you together, and making it less important. Besides, it’s money that comes from your folks, who hate him, and he wouldn’t want to accept a freaking penny from those people after the way they’ve treated you. He wants to do this for you, Shaw. Why shouldn’t he take care of you? You loved him unconditionally for years and years. Can’t this be your reward for that?”

She blinked at me with big eyes and then groaned. “Well, crap. Why didn’t I see that?”

I laughed. “Because you’re trying to prevent yourself from being hurt. That boy would rather chew off his own arm than hurt you again. Just chill out and enjoy loving each other.”

She raised a pale brow at me and pushed open the door to the classroom. She already had her phone out and was texting Rule. I really wanted what was best for them. They had had a hard road and deserved a break.

“Where did all this romantic insight suddenly come from? Did Jet get under your skin or what?”

Jet was under more than just my skin. He was doing things to me that were downright scary, and with Asa looming in the background, I needed to get it all together or risk it exploding in painful bits and pieces around me. I needed the control, the firm hand on my life I had maintained since landing in Denver years ago. I needed to remember that I was the one in charge of my fate, not Asa and not Jet.

“Jet is a lot different from what I really thought he was. There’s a whole lot there I never really anticipated or fully appreciated.” I wasn’t just referring to what was in his pants, either.

Shaw was smiling at whatever had come back at her on her phone, but she answered me anyway.

“It’s really easy to think that these guys are just one way because of how they look and how they talk, but once they let you in it’s an entirely different ball game.”

I sighed and dug a pencil out of my bag. “I really like him, Shaw. I mean like him. He sings to me at night and it makes my heart hurt. The way he looks at me, I feel like he’s trying to pull me apart and put me back together in an even better way.”

Her mouth fell open a little. “Wow.”

“I know. I’m not ready for any of that with him.”

“Why not? If he makes you feel that way, why wouldn’t you just jump in with both feet?”

“Because then I wouldn’t be in control of what’s happening between us anymore.”

She was going to say something back, but had to stop because the teacher started class and we had to pay attention. My life felt like it was suddenly spinning out of control. All I wanted was to build myself a rock-solid road to the future, a way to never end up back where I was. Now not only was my past staring at me like a loaded gun, but my future was tied up with a guy who didn’t care about security and stability, but made me feel like I was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. It was confusing and stressful, and the more time I spent worrying about it, the heavier that brick of cement in my gut got. Jet was a great guy, but the problem was, I wasn’t exactly a great girl, and I just didn’t know if I was ready for him to know that. I knew for sure I wasn’t ready to turn the reins of whatever our relationship was or wasn’t over to him.