Jet (Marked Men, #2)(31)

“Hey, Ma, it’s been a while.” I patted her awkwardly on the back and felt a shudder go through her. Everything about her made me want to take my dad out and use him for target practice. He had done this to her, stolen her vibrancy, made her into this walking shadow of a woman. The hatred I had for him was coiled inside me so tightly I knew it was going to be dangerous for everyone when it finally snapped. The flames of my anger were already starting to lick and curl up my spine.

“I thought you were on tour still.”

She ushered me into the drab house, and I tried not to shake my head at the scattered beer cans and ashtrays filled with cigarette butts littering every available surface. Not much had changed since I had left when I was just a kid, only now it looked worse. It was clear my dad was escalating on the worthless-piece-of-shit scale. I followed her into the kitchen and sat at the old dinner table. The wood groaned in protest as I stretched out my legs and took the beer she offered me from the fridge. I popped the top and took a long slug.

“I’ve been back awhile. Dad didn’t tell you?”

She shook her head, and I saw something that went beyond sadness shadow her searching gaze. “Why didn’t you call me yourself? I could have made dinner or something.”

I never told her when I was coming or going, because inevitably she would want to spend some kind of family time together, and that never went well. I barely tolerated my dad on a good day, and watching him demean her and order her around in the house she paid for was just too much.

“I’ve been busy working with some new bands, and I met a girl.” It was fudging the truth a little, considering I had known Ayden for more than a year, but after this morning I felt like I was finally getting let in, being introduced to the real her. I saw my mom’s eyes brighten at the mention of a girl and she reached out to pat my hand. I could see the blue veins running so close to the surface of her skin and again I wondered how she had allowed herself to become this delicate creature that a stiff wind could blow away forever.

“That’s wonderful! You need a nice girl to settle down with. You are too special and have too much to offer to be spreading it around all over town, like I know you and your friends like to do.”

I lifted an eyebrow and rolled the Pabst Blue Ribbon can between my palms. “How do you know what me and the guys like to do, Ma?”

“I was young once, Jet. I know the allure of a handsome young man in a band. All you boys were a handful when you were younger, and I can only imagine the kind of trouble you find yourselves in now that you are all grown and independent. Tell me about this girl. She must be something, if you couldn’t remember to mention to me that you’ve been back in town for a while.”

I could hear the accusation in her tone. She knew why I didn’t come around much, didn’t stay in touch .Yet she couldn’t stop herself from trying to hold me close. I took another swig of the beer and looked at her with a lopsided grin.

“She’s different—smart, ambitious, and driven. She’s different from what I’m used to. I like her, a lot actually.”

I saw my mom’s eyes get big, and for the first time in a long time, there was an emotion in them other than abject despair.

“Well, that’s good. You need someone who is as ambitious and as talented as you are.”

I wasn’t sure what it was going to end up being so I just stayed silent and finished the beer and got up to toss it in the trash. I crossed my arms over my chest and gave her a level, serious look as I decided to change the subject from my sex life.

“Ma, did you know the old man hit me up to send him back out on the road with some of my friends in a band?”

Instantly, the light that had filtered in her hazy gaze at my earlier good news died. It was replaced with the flat look of loneliness and the acknowledgment that she only existed to him as a doormat and place filler, while he went out and lived his life without her. She twisted her hands together and looked down at the table.

“You father is an old man now. Why would he want to go back out on the road with a bunch of young kids? What purpose would that serve?”

I raked my hands through my hair, and bit my tongue to keep from snapping at her that there was no purpose other than his indulgent, self-centered way of living. But that kind of attack never got me anywhere. I blew out a breath through my nose and clicked my tongue ring against the back of my front teeth.

“Mom, when has he ever done anything that served a purpose? He straight up told me that if I didn’t make it happen, he was going to come home and take it out on you. How can you just sit back and let him do that to you? How can you let him manipulate either of us like that?”

My rings rapped out a fast beat on the counter while I waited for her to answer me. For years, I had waited for her to see that I could take care of her and that she didn’t need to subject herself to his whims and his thoughtless behavior. I couldn’t stand that she just told me over and over that she loved him and that she wouldn’t let her family fall apart, even though I hadn’t willingly been in the same room with my father since I was a teenager.

She wouldn’t look at me and her voice was barely a whisper when she replied, “You just don’t understand how it is with us, Jet. You never did.”

I pushed off the counter and walked to where she was actually folding in on herself in front of me. I put a hand on her shoulder and squatted down so that she had no choice but to meet my searching gaze. “Ma, don’t you think the problem is that I understand it too well? You know you can do better than him, better than this. You always could.”