Jane Doe(17)

I shake my head and turn to watch him pull on his jeans. “Better not. It’s complicated.”

“Ah. Right.”

“Can I get your number, though?”

“Yes. Can I get yours?”

Better if he doesn’t have it, but I’m riding a mellow wave of satisfaction, and I know I’ll want to do this again. “Okay, but text instead of call. I’m in meetings a lot.”

That’s bullshit and he knows it, but he doesn’t protest. Of course he doesn’t. He’ll screw me at least a few more times before he decides to press the issue. Why look a gift whore in the mouth?

I order my car, then dress slowly, letting him watch. I’m glad I’m not wearing one of those stupid flowery dresses today. The lavender bra looks nice, though. I’ll wear it again on Monday so Steven can leer at it while I remember another man stripping it off me with rough lust.

“That’s a naughty smile,” Luke says.

“Yes,” I answer.

My car arrives in no time, and Luke kisses my mouth and reminds me to call him. I’m sure I will. I want what I want when I want it. I carry my naughty smile with me all the way across the river. Maybe I’ll call him tomorrow. Maybe I’ll have sex with Luke while Steven is at church pretending to be a good man.

A new lover and a cat. This was quite a worthwhile Saturday.

I’m just leaving the pet store with two giant bags of goodies when I get a text. I’m half hoping it’s Luke asking if he can see me again tonight, so I set my purchases down on the street and dig out my phone.

No luck. It’s Steven, stepping in to ruin my lovely day. I sigh at the sight of his name, but it’s honestly a good thing it’s not Luke. I know myself, and if he’s too eager, I won’t want him anymore. Still, I’m a little disappointed. I’m even more disappointed when I open the actual text.

Are you up for church tomorrow?

The least arousing words I’ve ever read. Thank God he’s not here to see my expression.

At your church? I respond. I don’t have a car.

I’ll pick you up. 8 AM.

This is exactly what I need to happen, but I’m highly irritated that he’s interfering with what I want. If not another round with Luke, I could at least pick up my cat. But the shelter doesn’t open until noon, and going to church with Steven is a huge step in the right direction.

I didn’t put out, so I might be worthy of more. Going to church will bring us closer together, and I need him close.

I roll my eyes as I text back a bright-eyed smiley face. That would be great! I can’t wait!

And I can’t. Now that I’ve set my more immediate impulses aside, I’m excited.

I can’t wait to meet his family. His friends. To bathe myself in his most sacred beliefs. Tomorrow he’ll be in his element, and I’ll find out firsthand what Steven Hepsworth holds dear.

Then I’ll figure out how to take it all away from him.





CHAPTER 13

I didn’t pay much attention to her new boyfriend at first. Meg was always gaga over new boyfriends. I just asked how they were in bed and I moved on.

She would eventually get married, but it didn’t matter to me which man became her husband as long as he helped complete the fantasy I had for Meg’s future family. The sooner Meg got married and had kids, the sooner I could pretend I belonged too.

She dated the new guy for three months. It was a whirlwind romance, they were already talking marriage, and then they broke up. I barely registered it. He told her she was immature and unstable. I told her he was shitty and mean. He was.

When they got back together a week later, I said, As long as he’s good in bed. She laughed it off. She was so happy.

A month later she called me, sobbing. Her boyfriend had told her he’d never have kids with her because she would be a terrible, worthless mother. I honestly didn’t understand her tears, because this was a ridiculous insult. Meg wasn’t terrible or worthless.

She might be a little flighty and she was definitely too trusting, but Meg was amazing with kids. Caring, kind, supportive. But she somehow bought into his bullshit, because, despite her degree in English, she was still working as a waitress and she occasionally drank too much at clubs.

“He’s an asshole,” I said. “Be relieved that you’re seeing this now and walk away.” It seemed simple enough to me.

He asked her to move in a month later. She did.

This was a secret, of course. He wanted her there and available twenty-four hours a day, but he didn’t want his family or church to know that he was a sinner. I mean, that was Meg’s fault anyway for putting out, wasn’t it?

I told her she was being stupid. I actually told her that. “Don’t be stupid, Meg. This guy is a dick.” She told me he was a great guy and I should be happy for her; then she made an excuse to get off the phone.

We didn’t speak for three weeks. I was secretly relieved when she called, sobbing again, to tell me he’d kicked her out. She was homeless and heartbroken and all I could think was Thank God that’s over.

It wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. Steven Hepsworth had found a hot girl who’d put up with his abuse, and he was just getting started.





CHAPTER 14

Today my flowery dress is buttoned up and my bosom is further shielded by a cardigan. Today is not a day for seducing Steven; it’s a day to observe and learn.