Irresistible (Cloverleigh Farms #1)(59)

“Because she’s here,” I said angrily. “And she cares about them. She gives them love and attention, which is more than they get from you.”

“I’m their mother. They’re supposed to love me no matter what.”

“You left.”

“Because you forced me to!” she shouted. “If you would have been a better husband, I wouldn’t have felt so alone! It’s your fault I had to leave.”

“Carla.”

“Just admit it—you didn’t want to marry me in the first place.”

“You’re right. I didn’t want to get married that soon. We’d only known each other for a few months. We were young. I was about to deploy for Iraq. But I did what I thought was right.”

“I never wanted to be your charity case!” she cried.

“It wasn’t like that, and you know it. I tried hard to be a good husband and father.”

“You didn’t try hard enough.”

“You wanted too much from me, Carla. No matter what I did, it was never enough.”

“I only wanted you to pay attention to me. I wanted you to love me.”

“I did, Carla.” I lowered my voice. “But you were always sulking and pouting. Punishing me for things I had no control over.”

“Like leaving us all the time?”

“I had no choice about my deployments, Carla. You know that.”

“And when you got back, you were always so happy to see the kids but not me.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Well, that’s what it felt like. You were cold and distant.”

“I needed time to readjust. Life at home was a shock to me. You never understood that. You never let me talk about it.”

“Because I wanted you to just forget it and be the husband I’d dreamed about. The husband I deserved. I’d waited and waited and waited for you, and then you came home and disappointed me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said grimly, feeling that sense of failure all over again.

“That’s why I had to spend all that money on things,” she went on. “That’s why I drank. I was trying to fill the void you left in my life.”

I took a steadying breath. “I hope you’re happier now.”

“I am!” she snapped. “And since you’re all doing so well without me, maybe I’ll never come back.”

“You do what you want, Carla. You always have.”

She hung up on me, and I tossed my phone aside. Great. Now she’d have even more reason to blame me for ruining the kids’ lives. And she’d aim at them to get back at me. She knew that was the only way to actually hurt me. Tomorrow she’d probably tell Millie that I’d forbidden her mother from coming to visit, that I didn’t want them to see her ever again, and maybe even that I was screwing the nanny. I flung my arms over my eyes.

Somehow I’d fucked that up without even trying.

What else was new?





*



I didn’t talk to Frannie again until Monday night. She called at about quarter to ten, as I was catching up on some work emails at the dining room table. It had been hard not to call or text her for two days, but every time I thought about doing it, I remembered what my mother had said and felt guilty.

“Hello?”

“Hey, guess what?

“What?”

“I just talked to Maxima. She said Natalie from Coffee Darling is really excited, and we set up a meeting for four o’clock tomorrow.”

“That’s great.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, and it’s probably impossible with your schedule, so don’t feel bad if you can’t, but if there’s any way at all—”

“For fuck’s sake, Frannie. I’m getting old here.”

She giggled nervously. “Sorry. I was just wondering if maybe you’d want to go with me.”

Of course I wanted to. I wanted to do all kinds of things for her, and in a perfect world, I’d be able to. But we didn’t have perfection—not even close. And this felt like something I could manage that didn’t look overly romantic. “I’ll make it work, although I might have to meet you there. I told DeSantis I’d go look at some bottling equipment they’ve got over at Abelard Vineyards on Old Mission. But I should be done by that time.”

“Okay. Great. I’m so excited, Mack. Like really prematurely excited. But something about this just feels so right. I mean, this is so silly, but I keep thinking, what if that strap on Maxima Radley’s wedding dress hadn’t broken? What if I hadn’t been filling in at the desk that night? What if I hadn’t noticed the toilet paper stuck to her shoe?”

I smiled at her breathless enthusiasm. “So it’s fate, huh? With a little help from Charmin?”

She laughed, and the sound made my chest tighten. “Yes. Exactly. But fate isn’t enough—I still have to be the one to go after what fate puts in front of me. Know what I mean?”

“Sure.”

“And look at us. I mean, what if Mrs. Ingersoll hadn’t broken her leg? What if it hadn’t snowed so much that night? What if you could actually get a pillowcase on a pillow in less than five minutes?”