Irresistible (Cloverleigh Farms #1)(18)

“Found it!” he called a moment later.

The girls all shouted with excitement, and we carried the snacks into the living room. Right away, Winnie hopped up on one end of the L-shaped sectional couch. “Sit here,” she directed, patting the cushion next to her.

I did as she asked, briefly wondering where Mack would end up and if it was too much to hope for that he might sit next to me. Turns out he had no choice, because Millie stretched out on the floor with a big pillow and Felicity lay down along the shorter section of the couch. That left only one place open, right next to me.

He glanced at it as the opening credits to the movie began. “Girls,” he said, “I’ll be right back. I just want to check on Mrs. Gardner, okay?”

“Okay,” they chimed.

“Hey Dad, turn off the lights when you leave!” Millie called, making herself more comfy on the floor.

He saluted her, switched off both living room lamps, and headed for the kitchen. From my spot on the couch, I watched him set his beer on the island and step into the back hall.

He was gone for about ten minutes, and when he came back, he was carrying a plate covered with foil. After taking off his winter stuff, he picked up his beer and brought the plate into the living room. “Anyone want a brownie?”

“Oooh,” said Felicity. “Me!”

“And me,” said Millie, popping to her feet. “Although they’re not as fancy as macarons.”

“Delicious doesn’t have to be fancy,” I assured her. “Is she okay over there?”

Mack nodded and set the plate on the end table next to Winnie. “Yeah. I checked her furnace and it’s working fine.”

Then he dropped onto the cushion adjacent to mine, and I thought I might die.

But I played it cool. “That’s good. This would be a terrible night to be without heat. It’s freezing.”

“Are you cold? Here.” Reaching behind me, he took a thick, crocheted blanket off the back of the couch and set it in my lap.

I wasn’t that cold—actually my body was heating up with him so close—but I couldn’t resist the idea of sitting beneath a blanket with him in the dark. “Thanks. Here, I’ll share.” Unfolding the heavy knit throw, I spread one end over Winnie’s folded legs and gently tossed the other onto Mack’s lap.

“Hey, I want a blanket,” Felicity whined.

“Me too,” said Millie.

Mack grumbled but set down his beer and got up again. He disappeared up the stairs and came down a moment later with two fleece blankets. After dropping one onto Millie, he shook out the other and draped it over Felicity. “Anything else while I’m up?”

“Shhhh,” Millie admonished.

Mack nudged her ribs with his foot before taking his seat next to me once more, and if I wasn’t crazy, it felt like he sat a little closer this time. I could totally feel the length of his thigh alongside mine beneath the blanket.

We watched the movie and sipped our beers while the kids munched popcorn and slurped lemonade. At one point, Millie wanted more snacks, Felicity needed a bathroom break, and Winnie wanted a stuffed animal, so we hit pause. All three girls got up and took off in various directions, leaving Mack and me alone in the dim living room.

“Another beer?” he asked, rising to his feet.

I hesitated. I was kind of a lightweight, and I didn’t want to get goofy. I wanted him to see me as an adult and not a kid, so getting tipsy wouldn’t help. That said, I was so aware of his body next to mine that I was having trouble relaxing. One more beer couldn’t hurt. “Okay.”

“Good. I thought you were going to be all responsible and say no and I was going to feel shitty for being a bad influence.”

I smiled up at him. “You’re not a bad influence.”

“We’ll see.” He looked toward the kitchen, where someone had turned on the light and an argument had begun over how much time the popcorn needed. “Oh, Jesus. I’ll be right back.”

While he was gone, I grabbed my purse and darted upstairs to use the bathroom, blinking at the bright light. In the mirror over the sink, I checked my reflection, trying to imagine what he saw when he looked at me. A kid? A co-worker? An employee? How could I get him to see me differently?

Give it up, I told my reflection. Then I dug my birth control pills out of my purse and took one for today, turned off the light and returned to the living room, where Mack was already sitting on the couch. The girls were still making a racket in the kitchen.

“Here you go,” he said, handing me another beer.

“Thanks.” I took the bottle and settled onto the couch again, sitting with my legs criss-crossed beneath the blanket this time. I hadn’t done it on purpose, not exactly, but my left knee now rested on his right thigh, and he didn’t move away. My pulse picked up.

Mack’s eyes were on the kitchen as he tipped up his beer. “Sometimes I can’t believe I haven’t totally fucked this dad thing up yet.”

“Are you kidding? You’re a great dad.”

He took another sip. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’m doing right by them. Sometimes I’m convinced that I’m doing irreparable harm. Most days, I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”

The confession touched me, and his insecurity squeezed my heart. I put a hand on his arm. “Does anyone? I mean, I know you’ve got a lot more to worry about than I do, a lot more responsibility, but I think the same thing sometimes.”