Into the Tide (Cottonwood Cove #1)(82)
“Grief is nobody’s friend,” she said with a shrug. “And everyone handles it differently. But your father is trying, and that has to count for something with Travis. Six weeks your father stayed in there and faced all these things he’d been running from. How do you feel about him getting out today? When will he start working at Roddy’s Auto Shop?”
Hugh had called in a favor and gotten him a job because that was just who Hugh was. Roddy liked my father, so he was happy to help out. Things were falling into place.
“Yeah, thanks to Hugh, he’s got a job to go to. Something to focus on. He starts work tomorrow, actually. I’m ready to see how he does. I considered moving back in with him, but he and his doctors think it will be good for him to get into a routine, and seeing as I won’t be here in two weeks, it’s easier to let him get adjusted to things on his own.” I felt guilty that I was relieved that no one thought I needed to move back into Dad’s house. I was ashamed to say that I wanted to savor every last day that I had with Hugh.
“And how do you feel about leaving? It’s getting close. And you’ve gotten quite attached to the guy you’ve been spending time with, right?”
Did she know it was her son? She’d never pushed. And I hadn’t said much about how I met him, just that I had someone special I was casually seeing.
“I’m not feeling the way I thought I would, to be honest.” I shrugged.
“Meaning?”
“I thought I’d be ready. Maybe even excited. I mean, Joseph has literally built this team around me, and that’s thrilling in a million ways. But it also feels like a part of my life that I left behind when I came home. The part that I don’t miss much. The stress and the pressure. I’m going to be under a microscope there, and I’ll have a lot to prove. And being here, I just get to be… me. No one cares what I accomplish every day. I mean, Hugh is so encouraging and so impressed every time I come up with an idea to increase revenue,” I said with a chuckle. “And we’ve been talking so much about him expanding to the city and all the ways to make that work. But it’s not pressure; it’s exciting and inspiring. I don’t know, I sort of like building something and not sitting behind a desk all day, staring at a computer screen. The restaurant is fun. I jump in wherever I’m needed, and friends come by, and it just sort of feels like… I’m living, which probably sounds crazy.”
“It doesn’t sound crazy. Your life here is very different from what it will be there. Hugh told me you guys took the boat out last night. It’s probably slower and more peaceful for you here, and I get that.”
I felt my face heat at her words, wondering if she could read my mind as I thought back to what Hugh and I had done on his boat last night. That we’d grabbed takeout from the restaurant and eaten out on the water. And I’d ended up climbing on his lap and having sex with him right there under the moon. Did it get any hotter than that?
“Yes, we did. Life is just so different here, you know? I run in the mornings out in nature and not on a treadmill. I have a fairly flexible schedule at work, but we work hard, and I feel good about what I’ve accomplished at the end of the day. And I look forward to dinner with my—er, guy friend,” I said awkwardly. “And I think my feelings have grown stronger for him than I’d planned, but I’ll be okay when I get back to my real life. I guess, the bottom line is that my life is pretty full here. It’s not just about my job or how much money I’m making or chasing anything, I’ve just been really happy, and I don’t know that I’ve ever really experienced that before now.”
“Well, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it. You’re just living now. And it feels good. But if you aren’t happy when you get back to Chicago, and if you find that you enjoy working to live more than living to work, well, you can change what you’re doing. And if your feelings have grown with the guy you’re seeing, it’s okay to tell him that. That’s the thing about life—there really aren’t any rules aside from trying to be a good human.” She chuckled. “But everyone is allowed to find their own path. And you’ve just been on the same one for so long that I think jumping off for a little bit has been really good for you.”
“I never thought about it like that. But I like the sound of it. The new me could stand to be a little more flexible,” I said with a laugh.
“So, do you think you’ll talk to this guy about your feelings?”
“It’s a little tricky because we sort of had a deal, you know? This was just a temporary thing. We’d have fun. I don’t think he’s feeling the same way as I am, and I don’t want to pressure him. He stuck to his end of the agreement. I’m probably romanticizing things because we have a lot of fun together. I mean, I don’t see him all that much,” I said, quickly trying to cover my tracks so she didn’t know that I was talking about Hugh because everyone knew we spent a lot of time together. “But the time I do get to see him is pretty special.”
She studied me for a moment as she tapped her finger to her lips a few times. It was something she always did when she pondered my words. “I see. Why don’t you think he feels the same way about you?”
Because he’s the one who wanted to keep it a secret from my brother. And if he felt about me the way that I feel about him, he would just tell Travis. Consequences be damned.