Into the Tide (Cottonwood Cove #1)(66)

“I don’t know. I’m not against it, but I’ve never felt the need to get serious with anyone.”

Never felt anything close to what I feel for you.

“I think you’d make someone a great husband, and you’d be a really good dad, Bear.” Her voice was soft and sleepy and sweet.

Normally, this conversation would have me running for the door. But it was different with Lila. We were sitting in a tub naked, yet having a conversation like this with her was completely natural.

“How about you?” I asked. I wanted to know what she wanted out of life. She’d always been so focused on school and running, and I had no idea what Lila’s dreams were.

“I honestly never thought about it much until now—being home again. I’ve been so determined these last few years to achieve certain things.” My hands settled on her stomach, and her fingers rested on top of them. “I think I’ve spent so much time trying to prove to everyone, but probably mostly to myself, that I could be successful in spite of my circumstances. That’s one of the hard parts about living in a small town. Everyone knows your story, and when it’s a sad one, there are a whole lot of judgments about you out there. It’s easy to believe they’re right, you know?”

“You’ve got nothing to prove,” I said, wrapping my arms a little tighter around her.

“I know that now. And I see your family, and your cousin’s family, and I actually love it. I don’t think I ever used to believe that was something that I could have because I didn’t have it growing up. After my mom was killed in that accident, our family was never the same. But I would love to have a partner to grow old with and a bunch of little kids to raise and love on.” She chuckled.

So honest and genuine.

“I think you can have anything you want, Snow.”

“Yeah. I know my brother wants me to have this big career and this grand life, like it will somehow make up for the things we went through. The things we lacked in a way,” she said, letting out a sigh. “Sometimes, you just go through things. You lose people you love, and you experience hard times, but it’s what you do with that that counts. You can either stay down, or you can get up and fight. Sort of like the Rocky quotes your cousins were referencing tonight. And I feel like Travis is stuck in this really angry place, and it’s time to get up and fight. He’s going to have a child and be a father. And he needs to let it go and start living his life.”

“I think when you were in the hospital for those few weeks when you were sick, and then you and he got split up by social services for a while…” I said, clearing my throat because it was still hard to talk about. “It did something to him. He decided you were his to protect from that day on. He shut down with your father, and he couldn’t forgive him because he loves you so damn much. That’s what makes this so hard. Because I fucking know that, Lila.”

“And I love him, too. But I don’t tell him who he can talk to or go out with. I don’t tell him where he needs to live or what to do with his life. He’s not my father. And I’ve allowed him to play that role because it’s always been me and him against the world, in a way. But we’re not fighting anyone anymore. We’re both okay.” She glanced over her shoulder and smiled, and her dark eyes welled with emotion. “My father neglected us because he was drowning in grief and using his addiction to numb himself. And that’s what addiction does. It robs you of your logic. He’s been addicted to painkillers and alcohol for so long that he doesn’t know how to exist without them anymore. And Travis never lets him forget long enough to try to get clean. If someone told you over and over that you didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as them, wouldn’t you want to numb yourself? My father needs to deal with all that’s happened in the past and move forward, and my brother needs to let him do that.”

I nodded. “How do you always see the good in people?”

“I don’t think you have to look that hard if you want to see it. I see the good in you, Hugh Reynolds. I always have.”

My fucking chest tightened at her words.

“Thank you. Give your brother time, okay? I’ll help you get your dad settled, and Travis can focus on the baby and Shay, and maybe if he sees that Tate is taking this seriously, he’ll get on board at some point.”

My best friend was a stubborn man. A good man, but a stubborn one.

Lila was right. The world was very black and white for Travis.

The few weeks they’d been separated when they were young had been brutal for him. My parents had gone to bat for both of them, and tried to get temporary custody, but the system is flawed in a lot of ways, and the red tape and paperwork kept them apart for several weeks. My father had helped Tate by hiring him at Burgers and Brews so that he could prove he was holding down a job and getting his life in order. He’d agreed to be drug tested daily until social services returned both Travis and Lila to their home. But Travis had never been the same. For a twelve-year-old kid, it had been traumatic, to say the least. He never forgave Tate, who continued his vicious battle with addiction. Travis had always been one step ahead, not letting Lila get in the car with their father most of the time. Making sure she ate well and was cared for. My best friend had become a parent to his sister at a very young age.

“I will. I love him so much. You know that. I’m just done doing whatever he says, just because he thinks he’s right. I’m actually quite capable of taking care of myself.”