Into the Still Blue (Under the Never Sky, #3)(62)

Perry nodded. “He’s the only way to get through the barrier of Aether that surrounds the Still Blue.”

Molly pressed her lips together, falling silent for a moment. “You saw what it cost him to channel the Aether in the compound, Perry. He’s barely recovered at all since then. You know what it would mean for him to use his ability in his condition?”

“I do.” It was all he wanted to say about it now. He shut away his worries about Cinder behind thick walls, with his memories of Liv.

Liv.

His heart began to pound. He looked at Roar, who had the bottle of Luster halfway to his mouth. Roar stopped and made a face, his eyes narrowing in question.

“Walk with me?” Perry said.

Roar’s mouth broke into a grin. “Finish that,” he said, pushing the bottle of Luster at Marron. Then he hopped to his feet and said, “Lead the way, Per.”


Perry walked to the cove outside and kept going, climbing the bluff and then following the trail back to the Tide compound. He hadn’t set out to return home; his feet carried him there out of habit.

Illuminated by thick Aether flows, the night was as bright as twilight, as all nights were now. Ashes flittered through the air; soft as feathers underfoot. His pulse beat too fast for the easy pace he and Roar made.

They arrived at the compound and walked to the center of the clearing. Perry felt raw, like every step brought him closer to the edge of a cliff. His gaze swept across the homes, hollow and eerily quiet. Bear and Molly’s house stood out, looking like a rotten tooth with its listing walls blackened and leaning at odd angles. He remembered the night Bear had been trapped under those walls.

Perry’s house still stood, though. It didn’t look the same, but it didn’t look different, either. He stared at it for a long time, trying to figure out what had changed. Debating whether he wanted to go inside.

“Remember when I tripped you during the summer festival,” Roar said, “and you fell into Vale’s mug and chipped a tooth?”

Used to his spontaneous stories, Perry answered smoothly. “I remember Vale chasing me down and beating me for spilling Luster all over his lap.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have fallen on him.”

“Right. That was stupid of me.”

“It was. You’ve always been terrible at falling.”

Despite their joking, Perry felt sure now that Roar was seeing all the same memories he was. All the times they’d torn through the compound as kids, barefoot, noisy, safe, no thought in their minds that this place would ever change. That people they loved would vanish.

Or be murdered.

He cleared his throat. It was time. “I’m supposed to talk to you about things. About what’s been going on.”

“Really? Why start now?”

“Aria. I promised her.”

Roar’s smile was faint. He crossed his arms and stared at Perry’s house. The house that had also been Liv’s.

Perry caught a sob in the back of his throat and drew a quick breath. The ache he felt for Liv was a monstrous thing, clawing at his chest. He began before he lost his nerve.

“Liv is alive in my peripheral vision. When I’m not thinking about her . . . when she’s just past the point where I can see her, it feels like she’s still there. Thinking of ways to embarrass me. Telling me all the stupid things you said, like I don’t already know. Like I wasn’t there to hear them myself. But when I look right at her, I remember she’s gone and I—” He stared at the sky for a few moments, forcing himself to draw a few breaths before he continued. “I couldn’t let myself feel that kind of anger. That lost. Not with the Tides needing me to be Blood Lord.”

“Why don’t you just tell me the truth, Perry? Why can’t you ever say what you’re really thinking?”

[page]Perry glanced at him, surprised. Roar was staring at Perry’s house, his jaw clenched. “Why don’t you tell me what you think I’m thinking?”

Roar wheeled and faced him directly. “You blame me! I was there and I couldn’t protect her—”

“No.”

“I told you I’d bring her home and I didn’t. I lost her. I—”

“No, Roar,” he said again. “No one on this earth would have fought harder for her than you—and that includes me. You think I haven’t thought about what I could’ve done to get her back? To have stopped it from happening?”

Roar’s eyes blazed with intensity, but he said nothing.

“I don’t blame you,” Perry said. “Stop acting like I do, because I don’t.”

“When I showed up at the cave, you couldn’t even stand to look at me.”

“That’s in your head.”

“It’s not. You’re hardly subtle.” Roar waved a hand. “About anything.”

“You vain bastard. I wasn’t avoiding you. You just sulk whenever you’re not the center of attention.”

Roar lifted his shoulders. “Maybe that’s true, but you were acting like Liv never existed. I was on my own.”

“Which was a disaster. You’re miserable on your own. And stupid. Turning back in the Komodo was the dumbest thing you’ve ever done. Without question.”

Roar smiled. “You’re making this so easy, Perry.” A laugh burbled out of him, but it didn’t taper off. What started as a chuckle gained momentum, growing in volume.