Into the Still Blue (Under the Never Sky, #3)(40)

“I know,” he said, when she was still. “I’m sorry. I know I did this.”

She hadn’t expected him to say that. Hadn’t expected to hear the guilt in his voice. “Just let me go.”

Roar released her and she spun, looking from his face to Soren’s, seeing their worry and fear, and suddenly tears poured from her eyes.

Her gaze cast around the small room. She needed to get away from them. With no better options, she climbed to the upper bunk and curled as close to the wall as she could, trying to keep back the sobs that tore through her.

Below, Soren said, “Do something, Outsider.”

“Are you blind?” Roar replied. “I tried.”

“Well, keep trying! I can’t take this.”

She felt the mattress sag. “Aria . . .” Roar’s hand rested on her shoulder, but she stiffened and moved away.

She was crying too hard to talk, and if he touched her, he would know that she hated him right now. She hated everyone. Cinder, for having been captured. Her mother, for dying. Her father, for being nothing but a figment of her imagination. Liv, because the thought of her only made Aria ache more.

Why was it so hard to bring together the people she loved and keep them safe? Why couldn’t she just wake up and spend a day—one day—without running or fighting or losing someone?

Most of all, she hated herself for her weakness.

This would help nothing, but she couldn’t stop. Her eyes still ran with tears. Her sleeve was soaked. Her hair. The thin mattress. She kept waiting to dry up, but the tears kept coming.

She didn’t know how much time had passed when she heard Soren.

“That almost killed me,” he said.

She’d fallen quiet, so he must have thought she was asleep.

Roar said nothing in reply.

“Are you going to eat?” Soren asked.

Food must have been delivered. She hadn’t even noticed.

“No. I’m not going to eat.” Roar’s response was icy, every word a jab.

“Me neither,” Soren said. “It doesn’t look that bad, though.”

“Your father runs this whole thing. Shouldn’t you have a private room somewhere?”

“Whatever, Outsider.”

As the quiet stretched out, Aria closed her swollen eyes. What was the point of all of their sacrifices and struggles? Why bother fighting for the Still Blue if Dwellers and Outsiders were only going to tear at each other’s throats?

She thought of the Tides and the Reverie group back in the cave. Was Willow watching Caleb make his sketches? Were Reef and the Six extracting the details of their mission from Jupiter? Or were they snapping and snarling at each other like Soren and Roar?

She didn’t want to fight just so there would be more fighting. She wanted to believe—needed to believe—that things could get better.

“So . . . that girl, Brooke?” Soren said, interrupting her thoughts. “What’s she like?”

“Get her out of your head right now,” Roar said.

Soren huffed. “I saw her looking at me when we were changing into our uniforms.”

“She was looking at you because you’re built like a bull.”

Soren’s laugh was nervous, clipped. “Is that good?”

“It’d be great if she were a cow.”

“What’s your problem, Savage?”

Aria held her breath, feeling like the future of everything hinged on Roar’s response. Come on, she silently pleaded. Say something, Roar. Say anything to him.

Roar gave a long sigh of resignation. “Brooke is a Seer, and she’s lethal with a bow. She doesn’t have the same range as Perry does, but she’s as good a shot. Maybe even better— but don’t ever tell him I said that. She comes off harsh until you get to know her, and then she’s . . . less harsh. She’s as competitive as they come and about as loyal. You already know what she looks like, so . . . that’s Brooke.”

“Thanks,” Soren said.

Hearing the smile in his voice, she smiled too.

“Oh, one other thing you should know,” Roar said. “She was with Perry for a while.”

“Nooooo,” Soren groaned. “You just ruined it for me.”

Agreed, Aria thought. Ruined it for me, too.

“So, he got Brooke and her,” Soren continued, indignant. “How does that even happen? He barely talks!”

Roar answered smoothly, like he’d given this some thought. “He ignores girls, and it drives them mad.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious,” Soren said.

“Oh, I am. I could put on a show, I could get everyone laughing, but the next day I’m the one who gets the questions. ‘Why was Perry so quiet? Was he angry about something? Was he sad? What do you think he was thinking, Roar?’”

Aria bit her lip, teetering between laughing and crying. She’d been groomed into a performer, but he was a natural. Listening to him doing women’s voices was almost too much.

He went on. “Girls don’t understand that he was being quiet because he is quiet. It makes them crazy. They can’t resist trying to draw him out. They want to fix his quietness.”

“So, you’re saying I should ignore Brooke?” Soren asked.

“Look, I don’t think you stand a chance no matter what you do, especially now that I know you better, but yes. Ignoring her is your best move.”