Impossible to Forget(24)

‘I’m sure it was hard,’ she replied vaguely.

‘It was pretty grim. Did you know that my mum got rid of me when I was only ten? Just handed me over to Social Services like I was nothing to do with her any more. And you don’t get much careers advice in children’s homes. They just want to get you through and out the other side without becoming an addict or getting picked up by a pimp, or worse. School was quite helpful. My form teacher went through all the paperwork and that with me. And by some miracle I got the grades and a place here. Then I got a job stacking shelves for a couple of months which meant that I could go travelling, but there’s no grand plan, not like you have. In fact, there’s no plan at all.’

Maggie shook her head silently. She suddenly felt very humble. ‘You’ve achieved so much already,’ she said. ‘I basically had uni handed to me on a plate. All I had to do was keep doing as I was told. But you. To get over all those hurdles. It’s a miracle. It really is.’

The pride that Maggie had felt moments before evaporated. What had she actually achieved when you stood it next to what Angie had done so far? And seen in this context, Angie’s more irritating habits made more sense – the borrowing of things, the food-taking, all of it. Maggie felt ashamed. Who was she to be so precious about a few tins of beans in the light of all that?

Angie shrugged. ‘I don’t know about any miracles,’ she said with an eye roll. ‘I’m not Jesus Christ. But I have had to decide stuff for myself. And it’s hard. And sometimes, like today, it’s scary too.’

‘Well, I’d suggest you stop listening to Tiger,’ Maggie said. ‘His counsel’s not that wise.’

The ghost of a smile crossed Angie’s face. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Tiger’s talents lie in other directions. As I think you’ve noticed.’ She raised an eyebrow at Maggie.

‘Tiger’s a nice bloke,’ Maggie replied weakly. She still wasn’t clear what there was between Angie and Tiger and she didn’t want to overstep any marks.

‘He is,’ said Angie. ‘Heart of gold, really.’

She grinned properly and it was as if the old Angie had re-entered the room, the only sign that there had been anything wrong being the pile of snotty loo roll on the floor.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Maggie asked, reeling slightly at the sudden change of direction.

‘God, yes,’ said Angie dismissively. ‘And I need to get a shift on or I’m going to be late for my lecture.’

She swept all the balls of tissue paper into her hands, stood up and deposited them in the wicker bin by the desk. It felt to Maggie as if Angie was scrubbing the last few minutes out of existence and she wondered whether she would regret her candour later. Well, that was okay. They weren’t close and were never likely to be. This had probably just been Angie in a rare moment of weakness and she had simply happened to witness it. She hoped she might have helped a little bit, though. And she would try to be more forgiving from now on, now that she had a better idea of where Angie was coming from.

She stood up too and crossed the room to the door, stepping over Angie’s discarded clothes and books as she went.

‘Right,’ she said, ‘I’d better get on, too. Have a good day. I’ll see you later.’

‘Sure will,’ said Angie without looking over. ‘And Maggie . . .’ she added.

Maggie assumed that she was about to receive a word of thanks, but instead Angie said, ‘Me and Tiger.’ She shook her head.

Maggie had no idea what she meant. Was Angie saying that there was nothing between the two of them, or was she warning her off? Either way, it seemed that Maggie had been kidding herself to assume that no one else had noticed the spark in the air between her and Tiger.

She let herself out and closed the door behind her, heading to the kitchen. Her coffee was now half-cold, so she tipped it down the sink and began again. It was a shame, she thought as the kettle reboiled, that she and Angie weren’t closer. Maggie’s conscience was pricking her. She had misjudged her housemate, made assumptions based on what she had seen rather than taking the time to actually get to know her, but maybe it wasn’t too late to change that. And didn’t they both feel that university wasn’t quite turning out to be the highlight that they’d expected? Perhaps they did have something in common, after all.

Her coffee made, she went back to her room and settled herself at her desk. She was just finding the thread of Lord Denning’s argument in the case that she was reading when Angie appeared at the door. She had washed her face and there was no trace of her upset apart from maybe a little puffiness around her eyes. Maggie assumed she was going to tell her something about not being home for dinner or some other domestic banality but instead she met her gaze and said,

‘About before. Thanks, Mags.’

There was something in her tone and the simplicity of what she said that made Maggie feel that something had shifted, some door had been unlocked between them. It was as if they now shared a secret that drew them to one another in a way that they hadn’t been before. The idea made her feel surprisingly warm inside.

‘You’re welcome,’ she replied with a smile.





14


They were enjoying a lazy Saturday morning, Maggie sorting out her notes from the previous week at the kitchen table and Leon reading a magazine. A pot of lukewarm coffee sat between them with an empty bottle of milk and a half-eaten bowl of cornflakes, none of which Maggie had felt the need to clear away.