Imagine Me (Shatter Me #6)(13)

That stops me up. “What? Yes I did. I literally told you that. I used those exact words.”

“But you didn’t provide the necessary details,” she says. “How did it start? What did it feel like? Why did she let go?”

“I don’t know,” I say, frowning. “I don’t understand what happened—all I’ve got are guesses.”

“Then guess,” she says, narrowing her eyes. “Unless— She’s not still in your head, is she?”

“What? No.”

Nouria sighs, more irritation than relief. She touches her fingers to her temples in a show of resignation. “This doesn’t make sense,” she says, almost to herself. “Why would she try so hard to infiltrate Ella’s mind? Why yours? I thought she was fighting against The Reestablishment. This feels more like she’s working for them.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think so. When Emmaline was in my head it felt more to me like a desperate, last-ditch effort—like she was worried J wouldn’t have the heart to kill her, and she was hoping I’d get it done faster. She called me brave, but weak. Like, I don’t know, maybe this sounds crazy, but it felt almost like Emmaline thought— for a second—that if I’d made it that far in her presence, I might’ve been strong enough to contain her. But then she jumped in my head and realized she was wrong. I wasn’t strong enough to hold her mind, and definitely not strong enough to kill her.” I shrug. “So she bailed.”

Nouria straightens. When she looks at me, she looks stunned. “You think she’s really that desperate to die? You think she wouldn’t put up a fight if someone tried to kill her?”

“Yeah, it’s awful,” I say, looking away. “Emmaline’s in a really bad place.”

“But she can exist, at least partially, in Ella’s body.” Nouria frowns. “Both consciousnesses in one person. How?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug again. “J said that Evie did a bunch of work on her muscles and bones and stuff while she was in Oceania—priming her for Operation Synthesis—to basically become Emmaline’s new body. So I think, ultimately, J playing host to Emmaline is what Evie had planned all along.”

“And Emmaline must’ve known,” Nouria says quietly.

It’s my turn to frown. “What are you getting at?”

“I don’t know, exactly. But this situation complicates things. Because if our goal was to kill Emmaline, and Emmaline is now living in Ella’s body—”

“Wait.” My stomach does a terrifying flip. “Is that why we’re out here? Is this why you’re being so secretive?”

“Lower your voice,” Nouria says sharply, glancing at something behind me.

“I will not lower my fucking voice,” I say. “What the hell are you thinking? What are you— Wait, what do you keep looking at?” I crane my neck but see only a blank wall behind my head. My heart is racing, my mind working too fast. I whip back around to face her.

“Tell me the truth,” I demand. “Is this why you cornered me? Because you’re trying to figure out if we can kill J while she’s got Emmaline inside of her? Is that it? Are you insane?”

Nouria glares at me. “Is it insane to want to save the world? Emmaline is at the center of everything wrong with our universe right now, and she’s trapped inside a body lying in a room just down the hall. Do you know how long we’ve been waiting for a moment like this? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t love this line of thinking, Kishimoto, but I’m not—”

“Nouria.”

At the sound of her wife’s voice, Nouria goes visibly still. She takes a step back from me, and I finally relax. A little.

We both turn around.

Sam’s not alone. Castle is standing next to her, both of them looking more than a little pissed.

“Leave him alone,” Castle says. “Kenji’s been through enough already. He needs time to recuperate.”

Nouria tries to respond, but Sam cuts her off. “How many times are we going to talk about this?” she says. “You can’t just shut me out when you’re stressed. You can’t just go off on your own without telling me.” Her blond hair falls into her eyes and, frustrated, she shoves the strands out of her face. “I’m your partner. This is our Sanctuary. Our life. We built it together, remember?”

“Sam.” Nouria sighs, squeezing her eyes closed. “You know I’m not trying to shut you out. You know that’s not—”

“You are literally shutting me out. You literally shut the door.”

My eyebrows fly up my forehead. Castle and I connect glances: we seem to have walked into a private argument.

Good.

“Hey, Sam,” I say, “did you know that your wife wants to kill Juliette?”

Castle gasps.

Sam’s body goes slack. She stares at Nouria, stunned.

“Yeah,” I say, nodding. “Nouria wants to murder her right now, actually, while she’s still comatose. What do you think?” I tilt my head at Sam. “Good idea? Bad idea? Maybe sleep on it?”

“That can’t be true,” Sam says, still staring at her wife. “Tell me he’s joking.”

“It’s not that simple,” says Nouria, who shoots me a look so venomous I almost feel bad for being petty. I don’t actually want Nouria and Sam to fight, but whatever. She can’t casually suggest murdering my best friend and expect me to be nice about it. “I was just pointing out th—”