Ignite (Cloverleigh Farms #6)(77)

I knew exactly what she meant.

“You see Dad last weekend?” I ventured.

“Yes.”

“How was it?”

“Hard.” Bree began putting leftover party meatballs into a plastic container. “But I’m glad I went.”

I took a swig from my beer. “He look the same?”

“No. He’s frail and shriveled. He’s in a lot of pain.”

I wouldn’t feel anything. I wouldn’t.

“He asked about you.”

I drank again. “What did you tell him?”

“Just the basics—you left the Navy, you’re a firefighter now, you’ve got two beautiful girls.” She stuck the container in the fridge. “But that’s as much as I said and I didn’t show him any photos.”

“Good.” I paused. “Are you going to see him again?”

“Next weekend.” She began putting plastic wrap over the dip Winnie had brought. “Winnie is such a doll. I wish she wasn’t moving away.”

I said nothing.

She glanced at me over her shoulder. “Don’t you?”

I shrugged, faking indifference. Trying to get back on an even keel. “What good would it do if she stayed?”

My sister rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, Dex. Maybe you’d enjoy a healthy adult relationship?”

“Nah.” I finished the last of my beer. “I’m not interested in a relationship. And she deserves way better than me.”

“I might be tempted to agree with you on that, but since she’s in love with you, it doesn’t matter.”

“She’s not in love with me,” I said quickly.

“Dex, she never stops smiling at you. And laughing at everything you say. And you can’t stop touching her.” Bree shook her head as she put the plastic wrap back in the drawer. “You’re just as crazy about her as she is about you. Don’t bother denying it.”

“Well, she’s leaving, so it doesn’t matter.”

“You know, there are things called airplanes that fly back and forth between Michigan and Rhode Island.” She turned around and leaned back against the sink, folding her arms. “Perhaps you’ve heard of them.”

“Perhaps you’ve heard of my two children.”

“What about them?”

“I can’t just fly off to Rhode Island when I feel like it. And despite having two jobs, I’m not rolling in money either. I can’t afford a bunch of plane tickets.”

“Excuses, excuses.” She shook her head. “Why won’t you admit she makes you happy?”

“They’re not excuses, Bree,” I said angrily. “I’m not rich. And I’m trying to be a better father than ours was, and that means being there for my kids.”

“You’re not Dad, Dex.” Bree was getting emotional too. “You never have been.”

“That took work!” My body temperature rose as my temper flared. “He was the only example of fatherhood I had, and everything I’ve ever done was to distance myself from that.”

“Exactly!” She shook her head. “You were never afraid of becoming Dad. You were afraid of becoming Mom. You still are.”

“What?” I glared at her.

“You hated the way Mom loved him and kept taking him back. You thought she was gullible and weak.”

“She was!” I exploded. “She let him come back into our lives and hurt her—hurt us—again and again. That’s what happens when you love someone. You give them the means to hurt you!”

“It’s called being vulnerable, Dex, and it’s not a bad thing. It’s healthy! What’s not healthy is keeping your feelings all bottled up inside because you’re afraid to love somebody.”

“I’m not afraid of anything!” I roared.

She held up her palms and lowered her voice. “Okay, okay. Stop shouting.”

But I couldn’t stop—it felt like a volcano was erupting inside me. “And besides the fact that Winnie and I have explicitly agreed to keep things casual, I made up my mind when Naomi and I split that I wasn’t ever going through that again.”

“Not all relationships end badly, Dex. And I never said anything about getting married. I just don’t see why you’d throw away what you guys have when it’s so good.”

“We don’t have anything, Bree,” I snapped. “It’s just sex. That’s it. Sex. So stop trying to put words in my mouth or invent feelings I don’t have. I’m not in love with her. When she leaves, we’re done.”

Bree’s eyes went wide, and she pressed her lips into a thin line. Her focus was over my shoulder, and I knew without turning around that Winnie was standing there. My guts churned.

Closing my eyes, I exhaled, my shoulders dropping.

Behind me, I heard her voice, small and hurt. “Um, I’ll just wait outside. Thanks for everything, Bree.”

When I opened my eyes, I saw my sister with her hands over her mouth. “Think she heard me?”

She nodded.

“Fuck!” I clanked my empty beer bottle on the counter, wishing I could shatter it against the wall—or even better, my stupid skull.

“Hey.” Justin appeared in the kitchen doorway. “Winnie just blew out of here like a hurricane. Everything okay?”