If You Stay (Beautifully Broken, #1)(56)

Pax glances at me again. “Of course it’s okay if you come. I just don’t know what to tell you to expect. During the past two visits, Dr. Tyler has put me partially under to acclimate me to hypnosis, but it won’t be the same today. Today I’ll be fully under and apparently I won’t be aware of my real surroundings. If it works, I’ll be totally immersed in my memories. So please tell me afterward if he makes me do anything dumbass, like act like a duck or something.”

I laugh and shake my head. “I’m pretty sure Dr. Tyler won’t do that. I don’t know if the man has even laughed since 1985.”

Pax smiles now finally and I breathe a sigh of relief.

“You’re probably right,” he agrees as he pulls up to the curb. “I don’t think he’d know a prank if it punched him in the face.”

We climb out and walk up to the building through the snow. Apparently, in addition to not having a sense of humor, Dr. Tyler also doesn’t like to snow-blow his walk. He’s right on time today though and he meets us wearing his standard tan tweed jacket.

“It’s good to see you, Mila,” he tells me as he shakes my hand. “It’s been a while. Are you doing alright?”

I smile and nod. “I’ve been doing fine. Thank you for asking.”

“And Pax,” Dr. Tyler says, turning toward Pax. “How are you feeling today?”

“Frustrated,” Pax admits, his jaw clenching. “I haven’t been sleeping.”

“Well, let’s see if we can get that straightened out for you,” the doctor says soothingly as he opens his notes. “Do I have your permission to record this session, in case we want to review it later?”

Pax nods. “Yes. That’s fine.”

Dr. Tyler smiles. “Great. Okay, as we discussed last week, Mila can’t be in the room with us as she could be a distraction. She can sit in the adjacent room and watch the TV monitor in there. Okay?”

Pax nods again and I lean up on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek. “It will be okay,” I tell him firmly, squeezing his hand. He smiles to hide his nervousness.

“Thanks, Red. Just remember to watch for quackery.” Dr. Tyler pretends not to hear that as he leads me from the room and gets me settled in the room next door.

I sip the bottle of water in front of me and watch Pax and Dr. Tyler on the TV as they get settled into their chairs. Pax sprawls out in his normal way and the doctor sits with his legs crossed, his notepad balanced on his knee.

“Pax, are you ready?”

Pax nods as he stares at the red light on the recorder and it’s as if he’s staring into my eyes. I can see the anxiety on his face, even though he’s trying to hide it. I really wish I could sit next to him, to hold his hand, to comfort him in some way, but it’s impossible. So I sit in my own chair and watch, my hands twisting together.

“What I’m going to do is walk you through some mental imagery using verbal commands and repetition, just like we’ve done the past two times. Nothing will be different, we’re just going to take it a little farther today. I need you to relax and breathe deeply. Can you do that?”

I notice that Dr. Tyler has changed his voice. It is even more soothing now, deep and slow. I decide that he has already started the process.

Pax nods. “I’m comfortable.” He leans his head against the back of his seat and adjusts his legs.

“Good. Now I want you to close your eyes and breathe deeply. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Allow the air to rush over your tongue and past your lips, like you’re breathing through a hollow reed. In, out. Deep breaths. Think about a time when you were up much too late and you grew very tired. You are that tired now, in fact. Your eyes are heavy, so very heavy and all you want to do is sleep.”

The doctor’s voice is smooth and calm and even I feel sleepy. I’m surprised.

“I want you to take a few more deep breaths and you are tired, very tired.” He pauses and looks at Pax. “Are you tired?”

Pax nods. “Yes.”

“Good. Now, I want you to think about that place, that place that you keep dreaming of. It is dark there. I want you to remember how you got there. As you remember, recite your memories aloud so that I can hear them. Are you there now?”

I look at Pax and find that he is so relaxed that his jaw is slack. His eyes are still closed, but I can see them moving behind his lids. I wish I could see whatever it is that he is seeing.

“I’m walking down a hall.”

His voice is so stilted and abrupt that it startles me. A monotone. He doesn’t sound like himself anymore. I watch him with morbid interest as he continues to speak.

“There is sunshine on the floor. I can see pieces of dust spiraling in the light.”

“That’s good,” Dr. Tyler assures him. “You are doing very well. What else do you see?”

“I am stepping over a toy dump-truck with logs in the back. I almost tripped on a rug, but I didn’t. There are pictures on the wall. This is my house.”

“Good. Is it nice to be back home?” Dr. Tyler asks. I am utterly fascinated by this process. I have never experienced such a thing in my entire life. It’s amazing.

“No. There’s a noise. Something scary.” Pax almost sounds like a child as he speaks.

He grips the arms of his chair, his fingers digging into the blue fabric. Dr. Tyler answers him calmingly.