If You Stay (Beautifully Broken, #1)(48)

I refuse to let him sway me though.

“We’ll have to agree to disagree. But for now, let’s just go back to sleep.”

And so we do. Pax tightens his hold on me and I fall asleep in his arms.

When I wake, he is still asleep next to me. His arms are still tightly wrapped around me. I don’t think we’ve moved at all. I blink from the sunlight that is pouring through the windows. I am so comfortable that I don’t want to get up and close the blinds. But if I don’t, I’ll never go back to sleep.

And I’m just not ready to start the day. I want to stay in bed with Pax a while longer.

I carefully extract myself from Pax’s arms and crawl out of bed, padding to the windows. I find the strings that pull the shades closed and start to pull. As I do, I glance down at the lawn behind the house and I freeze.

An icy feeling spreads from the base of my spine all the way to my neck as horror ricochets through my ribcage.

There is someone lying on the lawn, out in the cold and wind. I peer closer, staring at the pale leg, spiky high heel and mousy brown hair.

Jill.

What the hell?

My hand drops from the blinds and I cover my mouth with it.

Jill isn’t moving and her body is sprawled at an unnatural angle. Her face is turned away from me, toward the lake, but she is too still. The wind moves her hair across her face, but it is the only thing moving.

“Pax!” I shriek, running to shake him. “Wake up. Wake up! Jill is on your lawn.”

He leans up groggily, trying to clear his head enough to realize what I’m saying. Realization finally crosses his face and he lunges from bed, and we both run to the back lawn.

Pax runs to Jill without hesitation, but I have to admit, I am hesitant. Dread seems to freeze me into place. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong with her, but I know it’s nothing good.

Pax kneels and examines her, but he quickly looks up at me and the look on his face is grave.

I have to force myself to walk to him.

“Can you call the police?” he asks quietly. I look down and Jill’s eyes are open. They are faded and unblinking and I know she is dead. I back away, my hands over my mouth, as complete and utter horror fills me up. I want to scream, but I don’t.

There is vomit on her shirt and chin. At some point, it had run down her arm onto her hand. It is frozen there now, an orangey-rust color. I gag and turn away. Pax stands up and wraps his arms around me.

“Let’s go call the police,” he says gently. “Don’t look again. You don’t need to.”

“We can’t just leave her out here!” I tell him. “It’s cold. How long do you think she’s been here? Since last night? Do you think she was texting you from here?”

I stare at him wild-eyed and he grasps my elbow.

[page]“Mila, she isn’t feeling the cold now. We need to go call the police. And I have no idea if she was here when she was texting me.”

I don’t say what I know we are both thinking. If he’d only answered her, this might have been avoided. I don’t look him in the eye because I don’t want him to see my thoughts.

“Did she overdose?” I ask quietly as we walk woodenly into the house.

Pax shakes his head as we climb the stairs to the kitchen. “I don’t know, but it sure looks like it.”

He looks at me. “Can you make some coffee while I call?”

I nod and set to finding the coffee supplies. It somehow feels good to do this mundane thing, to let my hands operate automatically as I measure out the coffee and pour the water into the basket. The aroma fills my nose and I am standing there, with my hands gripping the cabinet, when Pax appears behind me.

“They’re on their way. I forgot to put your clothes in the dryer last night, but I think I have a pair of sweats you can borrow.”

I nod and follow him upstairs, where he finds the sweats and hands them to me.

“They’re way too big, but there’s a drawstring. Are you okay?”

He looks at me and I sit down on the bed, shakily.

“Pax, that could have been you. It could have been you.”

I am limp and I don’t know what else to say. That’s the only thing I can think. It could’ve been him. If I hadn’t come across him that night on the beach, it would’ve been. Seeing Jill like that just drove it home for me, like a stake through the heart.

Pax drops to the bed next to me and forces me to look at him.

“But it wasn’t me. And I’m not doing that anymore, so it will never be me.”

His gaze is determined and strong and I feel my lungs shake as I draw in a breath.

“I need you to promise.”

“I promise.” His words are firm. And I nod.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He raises his eyebrow.

I nod.

“Okay.”

He leans over and kisses my forehead. I have the urge to collapse against his chest, but I don’t. I pull the sweats on instead and we return to the living room to wait for the police. It doesn’t take them long to arrive. Finding a body in our little town isn’t something that happens every day.

Pax answers a million questions, and then they ask me a few, also. Was I with Pax last night? Had we seen Jill earlier in the night? And so on and so forth.

We answer all of their questions and then Pax tells one of them that he knows she has two kids, but he doesn’t know her address or even who takes care of her kids when she is out. That part surprises me and it makes me insanely sad.