If You Stay (Beautifully Broken, #1)(25)

She blushes again, her cheeks and neck flushing prettily.

“I think it might be considered socially inappropriate,” she replies wryly. “Thank you for coming to my rescue last night. I guess we’re even now. I saved you, then you saved me back.“ She pauses and looks at the ground before she looks back up at me.

“And I have been thinking about you. It’s probably not smart or good for me, but it’s all I seem to do lately. I think about you. Is your apology still on the table from yesterday? Because if it is, then I think maybe you were right. Maybe this is worth taking a risk for.”

She fidgets with her hands nervously.

I raise an eyebrow, deliberately obtuse.

“This? Can you be more specific?”

She doesn’t answer. She just bends down without hesitation and kisses me square on the mouth.

The lips that I fantasized about last night are on mine, her tongue in my mouth. I know that I taste like whiskey and smokes, but I don’t care and she doesn’t seem to either. She tastes like heaven.

Finally, she pulls away and I can see that she is a bit breathless.

“So, was that a yes?” she asks hesitantly.

I shake my head in bewilderment and smile at her. Having her here like this is f*cking amazing. And surprising. My chest is swelling with the amazing feeling so much that I can’t believe my next words.

“That’s a yes,” I tell her. “My apology is still on the table. But I think I probably owe you another one.”





[page]Chapter Nine


Mila



I stare at Pax.

Even though he’s gorgeous, he looks rough, like he had one hell of a night. He’s got two-day stubble now and he’s wearing the same clothing that he was wearing yesterday. His eyes are rimmed in red, like he didn’t sleep much. Or he had way too much to drink. Or maybe he even did too much of something else.

I narrow my eyes.

“What do you need to apologize for now?” I ask hesitantly. I’m not sure if I want to know. And he looks like he’s not sure that he wants to tell me. I back away a few steps. It can’t be worse than getting a blow job from Jill, can it?

He holds his hand up. “Wait, Mila. Just listen.”

He stares at me.

I stare back.

He sighs.

I wait.

“Yes?” I ask and even I can hear the trepidation in my tone. I swallow. He dips his head, then returns my stare.

“I think we might be onto something good here and I don’t want to f*ck it up by starting it out with lies.”

I’m confused now. Lies? He’s lied to me already? As if he can hear my thoughts, Pax shakes his head.

“I haven’t lied to you yet,” he explains. “But if I don’t tell you what I did last night, then you won’t understand what kind of person that I am. And that would be the biggest lie of all.”

“What kind of person are you?” I whisper. “Did you try something with me last night?” The morning breeze blows my hair into my face and impatiently, I shove it behind my ears. I need to hear this, even if it isn’t pretty.

Pax is hesitant now, unsure. The look on his face drops a big iron weight upon my heart because I know that whatever he wants to tell me isn’t good. Maybe coming out here was a bad idea. I should have known. I want to back away, but I resist the urge and plant my feet firmly in the sand.

Pax catches my gaze and lifts his chin, sighing heavily.

“I’m the kind of person who gets pissed and then goes off and does stupid shit to try and block out my anger. Or my hurt. I don’t deal with things in a healthy way. I deal with them in shitty ways, like drugs or women. Or whiskey. Last night, I chose whiskey and a woman. Although the woman wasn’t you. I didn’t try and take advantage of you.”

He stares at me and the breath is caught in my throat. And I sort of feel like he kicked me in the stomach. I tortured myself all day yesterday and he had slept with someone else? When he didn’t even want me enough to try something with me when I had been in his bed last night?

I am stunned and so I do the only thing any self-respecting woman in this situation can do.

I walk away.

“I’m out of here,” I mutter.

One foot in front of the other, I retreat down the beach, my feet sinking into the sand. My heart feels like it is sinking too, more and more with each step, and I focus on the ground in front of me, trying to ignore the piercing pain coming from my heart. I know it’s illogical to be upset that he hadn’t tried to take advantage of me. But under the circumstances, it is a bit hurtful. And it wouldn’t have been a violation because I want him.

And that’s why the whole thing is so hurtful.

“Mila, wait!” Pax calls from behind me. I hear his steps right behind me and I stop when he grabs my arm. “Please, just wait. I need to explain something. And then, if you still want to, you can go.”

I turn slowly, staring at him in the face. His is so anxious, his mouth tightly drawn. I nod.

“I can leave right now, if I wanted. I don’t need your permission. But I’ll hear what you have to say.”

His lip twitches, almost as if he finds my little show of independence funny. I don’t see the humor. I press my lips together, my hands on my hips as I wait.

It looks like Pax is trying not to laugh again.