If This Gets Out(7)

But I just nod.

Mom’s apartment is sprawling and well-decorated, with an incredible view of Portland through the glass doors that lead to the balcony. I didn’t grow up here; Mom had to move because there was no way to make our old place secure. Which it became clear was necessary when a fan found out where she lived and camped out, hoping to see me. I bought Mom this place a few weeks later.

“How’s the album going?” she asks.

“Good, I think. I submitted a couple songs I wrote to Geoff, so fingers crossed Galactic likes them.”

“I’m sure they will. I’ve always loved your songs.”

“Yeah, but you’re my mom, you have to say that.”

“Would you rather I said I think they’re terrible?” She’s smiling, so I know she’s joking. I shake my head.

“Then watch your mouth.” She grins. “Seriously, how do you feel about it? This is a pretty huge deal.”

“I know. I just don’t want to get my hopes up, I guess. But it’d be cool to have a song out there that’s mine.”

“Then you’ll be a true artiste.”

I pretend to dry heave.

I finally find Cleo, our cat, hiding in Mom’s bedroom. She’s definitely gotten bigger since I last saw her, and is kind of a brick now.

“Hello,” I say as I scoop her up, comically overexaggerating how heavy she is, to make Mom smile.

Still clutching Cleo to my chest, I go back through to the kitchen. Mom’s made a towering chocolate cake with the words Welcome Home Zach!!! written in wobbly icing on the top. I’m not sure when she had the time, because she still works full time at a nursing home, even though I make more than enough for both of us.

“It’s okay if it’s too much,” she says, her expression uneasy. “I just wanted to make you something.”

“No, I love it, thank you. I need a shower, though, so can we wait like, five minutes?”

“Okay,” says Mom. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Why don’t we binge trashy TV, maybe order some only slightly healthy food?”

“I’m so in.”

I go to my room and put Cleo down on my bed. My old room had punk band posters all over the walls, but this one is totally barren. It’s more adult, but also worse. I grab a faded T-shirt and a pair of sweats, and go to the shower. I’d never be allowed to wear this somewhere I could be seen, and I think that’s kind of the point. Right now, Zach Knight from Saturday is checked out. I’m just Zach again. Finally.

When I come back out, I see that Mom has also changed into her PJs. There are two plates of cake on the coffee table, and American Ninja Warrior is paused on the TV. A wave of nostalgia washes over me, and I’m fifteen years old again, watching TV with Mom like we used to every night. Before seeing Mom turned into a biannual thing.

I sit down, and pick up my plate as Mom hits play.

“So,” she says. “Have any girls made it past the meet and greet?”

I check my smart watch. “I’ve been home twenty minutes. That’s how long it takes for you to start prying into my personal life?”

“I’m not prying, I’m curious. Come on, who is she?”

I keep my stare steady. “I haven’t really been dating, I’m focusing on my writing at the moment.”

“Well, okay then, Mr. Mysterious.”

“Are there any guys in your life?” I ask.

“I’m not telling if you’re not.”

I roll my eyes.

A text from Ruben arrives, and I smile as I read it.

I miss you already!



“What’s that smile for?” asks Mom. “Is it a girl?”

I tilt my phone away. “It’s just Ruben.”

“Already? Didn’t you just say goodbye to him?”

“Yeah but he’s my—Ruben.”

Mom musses my hair. I leave it; I like it better this way anyway.

I type back: I miss you too man.

Ruben responds with a thumbs-up, which I know is just to annoy me. I’ve ranted to him before about how I think they’re passive-aggressive.

TAKE THAT BACK.



He gives me another thumbs-up.

Bastard.



I smile, then I turn my phone off, with no plans to turn it back on for at least forty-eight hours.

Whatever happens, happens. It can wait.

Zach Knight of Saturday is officially checked out until I get to Angel’s party.



* * *



Angel’s party is, in a word: ridiculous.

He wasn’t even kidding about the peacocks. I can see a few of them now, strutting their stuff on the lawn. They’re on leashes, held by handlers in green jumpsuits. So yeah. Ridiculous is the only appropriate word. This venue is enormous, built in front of a large lake, and a lot of the free space has been done up like a fair, with stalls and entertainers. There are two carnival rides: a pirate ship and a spinning one with a rotating arm. There’s even an enormous bounce house.

For who? Who knows?

As utterly over the top as this whole setup is, I can’t help but smile. It’s so very Angel. Plus, there aren’t any paparazzi or fans here, and while there’s a big crowd, it’s only people in the game. Security guards prowl the perimeter, which means I don’t have to have my guard up as much as I normally do. In terms of safety, anyway.