If I Never Met You(33)

Jamie pushed his way into the scrum at the bar. He had a sort of natural swagger she’d admittedly probably loathe in a member of her own sex. Watching women watch Jamie, Laurie allowed herself a split second of feeling relevant and hip by being with him, even though she wasn’t with him. She threw her scarf down and hummed along:

You gave away the things you loved

And one of them was me

Laurie wondered if in fact this song was in fact about Dan, and her dreams had been clouds in her coffee. Dan would’ve been jealous of her being out with some handsome interloper, once upon a time. You’re where? What about your dinner? Why’s he asked you out, might I ask?

She’d lost Dan’s interest, she didn’t know when. She needed to identify the week, the day, the moment. The habits she’d got into that must’ve snuffed out his interest, bit by bit.

Now, Dan neither knew nor cared where she was. It was funny being in a raucous barn like this, not psychically tethered to him. Her soul concaved and she forced herself not to think about him, or his evening dispensing foot rubs and leafing through the JoJo Maman Bebe catalogue.

‘Has Gina been in touch?’ Laurie said, after Jamie returned with the drinks, and she saw him surreptitiously glance at his iPhone.

‘Yeah, I explained my predicament and she thinks I’m making it up, so that’s that. To be fair it does sound a bit made up. What about you? Not “back out there” yet?’

‘Ah. No. I’m scheduled to get “back out there” in about 2030, I think.’

‘Quitters’ talk! Was it a bad break-up?’ He put his lips to his pint. ‘Don’t tell me if you don’t want to.’

‘You didn’t hear?’

‘No? People don’t tell me much and I don’t really ask. Only he’s with someone else and no one saw it coming. Typical of our place that they’d expect to, what’s it got to do with them?’

Laurie gave Jamie a precis. She shared more than she intended. Once she’d started speaking to a neutral party, it was like staring into the unjudgemental face of a counsellor.

Except he did judge it. At least Jamie Carter, man of the world, doing an authentic jaw drop at these details confirmed it was a shocking ordeal, even to a soulless womaniser.

‘Fuck! Knocked up already? Oh, Laurie. That sounds torrid. Having to still share an office, beyond grim. Can’t you make him find another job?’

She knew sympathy and liberal use of her name was part of Jamie Carter’s repertoire, his deliberate charm, but she let herself be charmed by it anyway. Also, he was probably emphasising he knew her name now.

‘Nope. He’s got a kid to support soon,’ Laurie said these words quickly, before she could care about them, ‘I can’t imagine he’ll be willing to move. She’s got a good job here. And I don’t want to lose my house; my mortgage has got much bigger. I don’t want to commute. I won’t let him make me leave. I’m trapped!’

Jamie shook his head.

Laurie concluded, ‘I’m probably going to spend the rest of my life figuring out what the hell happened.’

‘He’s not worth that much of your time,’ Jamie said, knocking his glass to hers, and Laurie appreciated it, while thinking, from the man who’d never give anyone much of his.

‘Another?’ she said, making to get up, as they’d drained the first round fast. Laurie was liking being out and hoped when he said one drink he’d meant three to four, as was British tradition.

‘No,’ Jamie said, and Laurie concealed her pang of dismay. He gestured at Laurie rising in her seat, to sit down.

‘I mean yes, but let me. You deserve table service, and I want some peanuts. Or wasabi cashews or whatever it’ll be here.’

Laurie beamed.

With the second round, and then a third, Laurie must’ve had pretty much a bottle of red wine on an empty stomach and she was being a level of candid with Jamie she was going to regret in the morning. Yet she couldn’t stop herself.

‘I’ve never been a vengeful person, but I have fantasies of bringing Dan to his knees. I want him sobbing and begging for me to take him back, even though I know it’ll never happen. It runs through my veins like lava, I can physically feel it.’

‘Yeah I get that. I’ve been that angry at the world, in my time. How would you do it?’

She shrugged, grinned. ‘Haven’t figured that out yet, have I?’

‘It’ll come to you. You’ve got a look in your eye that clearly states you’re not to be fucked with.’

Laurie nodded, pleased. If there was one thing she’d learned tonight, Jamie was easy company. She wouldn’t trust him as far as she could throw him, but he was a good crack. Craic, whatever. Ooh, inebriation felt nice. An escape from herself. Laurie rolled a beer mat on its side, caught it in her other hand.

‘Can I ask you something? Was the rumour true that Salter told you not to touch his niece? What did he say? I can’t imagine how he phrased it.’

Jamie laughed. ‘Oh, that did the rounds did it? I swear Kerry listens at the door, I can’t believe he’s stupid enough to tell her as much she knows.’

‘I’m sure she does. Or she’s bugged the room. She’s our own Wikileaks.’

‘It’s both true and not the whole truth. Am I speaking in confidence here?’