If I Had Your Face(23)

The thing is, I remember how I used to be even worse than Cherry when I was young, back when I had my voice and my confidence. My friends and I, we terrorized the streets and knew no fear of money or the future. I know how she thinks. And that’s the problem. Because I know there isn’t anything that can change her except time and inevitable misfortune. Those girls I used to roam with, they all live with despair now, I can tell you that. I just hope that whatever calamity she has coming her way, it strikes sooner, rather than later.



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WHAT’S NOT BEEN helping my mood this week is the rumor that Taein is dating Candy, the lead singer of Charming. Of course, there are ludicrous rumors every month about who Taein is dating, but for the past two years the paparazzi photos have consistently showed some no-name Japanese model whom all the fans tolerate because the body language clearly shows that she is the one who is following him around rather than him being more into her. Besides, she is weird looking, with eyes that are too far apart and lips puffier than a blowfish’s.

But Candy, Candy would be a different story altogether. She is the type of insolently beautiful that’s offensive, and everyone knows she’s been bullying the new girl in her group. People hated her even before this scandal and the Crown fan portals are jittery with disbelief and unease. “There’s no way Taein would go for Candy—he’s always said he wouldn’t date other idol stars!” “I saw her once in the restaurant in Itaewon and she was being a complete bitch to her manager.” “Who else is going to go to INU Entertainment HQ tonight to wait for her to come out? Charming is supposed to have rehearsal until they have to go to Star Plus Radio for the guest appearance at ten P.M.”

Photos of Taein and Candy together have not surfaced yet, but on its home page, LastNews has been hinting for weeks at the biggest idol scandal it’s ever scooped. On the portals, people are saying the reason it’s taking so long for them to release the photos is because they’re negotiating with each star’s agency about which ones to publish. The more scandalous the photos, the more money they can extort from the agency. Usually only the tamest ones end up being released—just some light handholding or a shot of a couple in a car together.

Neither Taein’s nor Candy’s agency has released a statement yet, but there is an announcement that Crown will be wrapping up their promotions for the album this week to start preparing for their world tour. “We are so excited to kick off in L.A. this time!” says Bestie on social media, and then there’s a mad scramble on the portals about what the various fan clubs are going to do about the last music show this week. The club president decides on the chant “See you soon, Crown!” and chooses the messages that are to be painted on ribbons for the flower wreaths that will be delivered backstage to the members at that last show. Five separate donations will be made to each of the members’ favorite charities in their names. There is a brief scuffle about the amount of each donation (Taein fans insisting that our amount exceed the other members’ because there are more of us), but a conclusion is reached swiftly (same amount for each member) and the comments die down for the night.

I’m reeling, however, from a comment that a Taein fan writes about how she’ll miss seeing him for years, since they’ll be heading out on tour for at least a year and then they’ll need another year to make a new album. Years? How am I supposed to wait that long? What will I be living for? I need to see him. I need to.



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I’VE BEEN JUMPING every time Manager Kwon calls for me with a client, but the KBC producer doesn’t come in until Friday morning. I smile extra-wide as soon as I see her and give her a little squeeze on the shoulder. Cherry sees this and surveys me with speculation.

“Someone’s in a good mood today, Miss Ara,” says the producer with a pleased smile back at me. I shake my head and touch her hair with a question on my face. She’s always kept the color dark and changed the style only slightly in the three years I’ve done her hair. The clients who come to me are the ones who do not have many demands—they are the type to give themselves over, with trust. But today, she seems restless, tapping her loafer on the floor as she stares at herself in the mirror with displeasure.

“I think I want to go lighter this time,” she says, fingering her hair self-consciously. “I’m sick of black, you know?”

I nod and smile and bring her a book of color swatches to choose from and she picks a medium chestnut with a brassy tint. It’s a bold choice for her and I write so on my notepad and show her.

“I know, but I have a blind date this weekend so I kind of want to shake things up,” she says with a toss of her head. A lot of my customers do this before blind dates and I’ve seen it both work and fail. Sometimes they are imbued with new light, other times, they are distraught and ask that I return their hair to the old style and I have to frantically reschedule other customers.

I nod and smile again and retreat to the coloring closet. In my head I am writing and rewriting what I want to ask her and the anxiety is making my hands tremble. Today is my only chance.

As I’m blending the dyes in a bowl with a brush, I hear Manager Kwon calling my name again and I rush out to see who it is. It’s one of Mrs. Oh’s friends who wants her roots dyed black. Of course, Cherry is nowhere to be seen and I sit my new client down next to the producer before going to pick up the dyes again. As I run to retrieve my dye bowl, I see another of my regulars, Mrs. Chin, walk in with her daughter, and Manager Kwon waves to catch my eye as he asks them to sit for a second to wait for me. While I whirl around frantically, trying to find some help, I see the girls scattering helter-skelter, avoiding my eye.