If I Didn't Know Better (The Callaways #9)(27)

"Have you ever been in love, Jeremy?" she asked curiously.

He thought about that question. "No, not really. I never stayed in one place or with one person long enough to find out, though."

"A lot of soldiers get married."

"And that makes their life even more difficult. I never had to worry about anyone but myself. It was all about the mission. I was better at my job because of that single-minded focus."

"Well, that's not true anymore. You have Ashlyn now."

"Yes, I do. She's giving me a lot to think about."

"Like whether or not you go back to the Army?"

"It's definitely up in the air." He looked over at his daughter, who was still barely moving the swing, but she hadn't gotten up yet, so he would leave well enough alone. "I love my career. I don't want it to end, but I'm dealing with physical constraints that may prevent me from going back to Delta. I have to be at the highest physical level to do what I do, and if I'm not at one hundred percent, I'm no use to the team."

"That's harsh."

"It's the truth."

"What is Delta? It sounds like a spy group."

"You're not wrong. A lot of what we do is classified."

"Like a Navy SEAL?"

"Only better," he said with a cocky laugh.

She smiled. "But seriously—"

"That's really all I can tell you, Mia."

"So, if you can't go back to Delta because of your shoulder, what will you do?"

"I don't know. And it's not only the shoulder that might stop me from returning to my unit; it's Ashlyn. Who would watch her when I'm deployed? Sometimes I have one hour to grab my bag and go to wherever in the world I'm needed. I couldn't do that as a single father."

"You'd have to get a full-time, live-in nanny."

"So my daughter would be raised by a babysitter?"

"What other option would you have? Unless you can find a wife really quickly."

"I need fewer complications, not more," he said dryly.

"Then you might have to change careers, too."

"Looks like we both have some big decisions coming up."

"We do," she agreed. "Mine aren't as big as yours. There is no one depending on my choice, but you have Ashlyn, and in the long run she's going to be more important to your life than any job you do. She's your daughter. She's your family."

"I thought the Army was my family."

"But isn't war awful? Aren't there just horrific parts of your job?" she ventured.

"Of course. But I feel like I'm making a small dent in reducing the evil in the world every time I go out."

"Well, I admire your bravery, and I'm grateful there are men and women like you who are willing to take that job on."

"Thanks." He paused. "But when it comes to bravery, I think the battlefield is easier than this playground."

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Why don't you see if Ashlyn will let you push her?"

"You'd probably be her first choice for that."

"It's easier for her to like me because she's not supposed to love me. I'm just a friend. You—she's still trying to figure out what it means to have a father. She probably doesn’t understand where you've been all her life."

"Even I don't understand that."

"But you know what it feels like to want a father in your life. Just be the dad that you wanted your father to be."

"That's good advice."

"I hope so. And, Jeremy…"

"Yes?"

"I know what a good father looks like, because I have one. And he's a lot like you. Don't sell yourself short."

"Okay, thanks for the pep talk. I'm going in."

"Good luck."

He walked over to the swing. "Want to go a little faster, a little higher?" he asked.

She quickly shook her head, her hands gripping the chains of the swing.

"I won't let you fall, Ash. You can trust me."

She met his gaze, and for a moment he thought he had her, and then she jumped off the swing and ran back to Mia.

A wave of disappointment ran through him. But he wasn't going to quit. He would win her over, no matter what it took.

Unfortunately, his daughter might have inherited his stubborn streak along with her dark hair and dark eyes. This battle would not be won in a day.





Seven

Mia felt bad for Jeremy when Ashlyn dissed his offer of a push and ran straight to her, but she didn't say anything. Jeremy and Ashlyn would have to find their way to a relationship; she couldn't make it happen for them no matter how much she wanted to.

As they walked through the park, her thoughts turned back to her recent conversation with Jeremy. She felt a little foolish for telling him about her affair with Grayson and the loss of her job, but in a way it had felt good to get it out. She hadn't told anyone the whole story and now that she had, she felt like she might be able to truly move on. She would find a job that she loved, something she could make enough money at to pay her bills, because that was the Callaway way, but she wasn't going to settle for something that wasn't right for her, no matter how perfect it seemed to everyone else.