I'll Stop the World (22)

“Don’t you take that tone with me, son,” Gabe snapped. “I am not your secretary.”

“Sorry, sir. I should’ve reminded you before I left,” Shawn said, kicking himself for not saying anything that morning.

His father’s eyes flitted briefly to him, then back to his tools. “I have good news,” he said. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but of course, you were nowhere to be found.”

“I’m sorry,” Shawn apologized again. Sometimes, it felt like all he did was apologize.

“Got a call from Mr. Reese over at the bowling alley. He’s got some lanes down. Thought you could go with me this afternoon, learn a few things while I get them working again. Bet you’ve never seen how a pinsetter works. It’ll be a real interesting job.”

Years of practice had taught Shawn to keep his face neutral, but disappointment coiled in his stomach. Really? His dad’s idea of good news was accompanying him on a job to fix a faulty pinsetter at the bowling alley? He wondered if his dad even remembered that Shawn planned to go to the bonfire tonight.

But he didn’t dare bring up the bonfire now, after their confrontation last night. He’d just have to hope that they finished up at the bowling alley in time for him to go. “Sounds great, Dad,” Shawn said.

His father rocked back on his heels, dabbing his brow with a handkerchief. “This is important real-world experience,” he said. “When you’re in charge, you’ll appreciate that I made it a priority to carve out these opportunities for you.”

“In charge of . . . ?”

“Of the business, son!” His dad shook his head, chuckling. “I know your old man’s in good shape now, but I won’t live forever. One day you’ll have to step into my shoes.”

“Dad,” Shawn said, his stomach sinking. “Don’t—don’t you remember? I won the citizenship award. So I don’t need . . . I mean, I wasn’t planning on—”

“I know all about your award,” Gabe said, spitting out the word like it was a fantasy Shawn should’ve outgrown years ago, like the tooth fairy. “I’m not an idiot, son.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“I just assumed that after having the night to think it over, you’d have come to your senses.”

Shawn scrambled for something, anything, to say that wouldn’t make this worse, but his mind was blank. All he could think was how stupid he’d been to assume that last night would be the end of this, that his father wouldn’t seize every opportunity from now until the day he graduated from college—and probably beyond—to remind Shawn that he was making a mistake.

Gabe Rothman didn’t lose arguments. Gabe Rothman didn’t even come to a draw. Gabe Rothman only won.

“Excuse me if I want to provide my son with a solid foundation in a respectable trade, or offer him a good job right out of high school,” his father continued, on a roll now. “If I want to make sure you possess the knowledge and skills that will help you actually make a living someday.” He shook his head, looking disgusted. “I’d ask how you turned out to be so ungrateful, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re just like your mother that way.”

Shawn took a step back, the knot in his stomach making it hard to breathe. “I’m not trying to be ungrateful, Dad,” he said quietly. “I just want something different.”

His father let out a mirthless laugh. “That’s what your mother used to say, before she left. That she needed something different. But I told her she didn’t want that. I knew she’d be begging some other poor sap to take her in soon enough, but she’d never have it as good as she did with me.”

He began putting tools away, slotting them carefully into neatly labeled drawers and shelves and pegs. “And don’t you know,” he continued, not looking at Shawn, “I was right. Sure enough, she gets married again, and he knocks her up with another kid, and now she’s stuck, just like I told her she would be. He can’t buy her the nice house, the pretty clothes that she was used to. He can’t take her out to fancy dinners, make her feel special. She had her chance for all that, for someone to take care of her and treat her right, and she blew it. She knows now that she was wrong, and I was right.” He wagged a wrench at Shawn, his mouth set in a hard line. “She didn’t know what was best for her, and neither do you. Yet here you are, acting just like her.”

Shawn swallowed, his heart twisting in his chest. Was his father right? Was he being naive? He desperately wanted to leave Stone Lake, make a life of his own outside his father’s heavy shadow, but was he just deluding himself?

It had been years since Shawn had seen his mother. He’d gone to visit her a few times in the years immediately following the divorce, but the visits had gotten fewer and further between after her first child with her new husband was born . . . until eventually they’d stopped altogether.

Lisa said it was probably just too painful for her to be reminded of her life with his dad. That it wasn’t anything he’d done wrong. That she probably would have taken him with her, if she could.

Shawn wished he could believe that.

But even if it meant following in his mother’s painful footsteps, he couldn’t see another way out. Staying here would kill him. Maybe not right away, maybe not in a way anyone else would notice, but eventually, Gabe would drain the life from him, leaving nothing but a shell.