I Will Find You(98)
Now he’s back. Our eyes lock, the old man’s and mine, and he too nods at me. But this nod is different from Uncle Philip’s. This one sends a cold finger down my spine, but a cold finger that could be good or bad.
I’m going to go with good for me, bad for the Paynes.
I make my way through the mourners, nodding, smiling, shaking hands. When I reach the kitchen, I see Ronald Dreason, Cheryl’s husband, looking out the back window into my old yard. I stand next to him.
“You doing okay?” Ronald asks me.
I nod. “Thanks for being here.”
“Of course,” he says.
We stand side by side looking out that kitchen window. Cheryl is there. She is holding her four-month-old daughter, Ellie, in her arms. I sneak a glance at Ronald, the proud father, and see him smile at them. He loves Cheryl. I’m happy about that too.
“Your daughter is beautiful,” I say to him.
“Yeah.” Ronald is practically bursting. “Yeah, she is.”
And there, standing in my old backyard with his mother, is Matthew.
It is new, all of this, but for now Cheryl and I are sharing custody of our son. He spends one week with Cheryl and Ronald. Then he spends one week with Rachel and me. So far, it seems to be working.
And how is Matthew?
He has nightmares, but fewer than you’d think. Children are resilient, him especially so. Will there be long-term adverse effects? Everyone says that’s likely, but I’m more optimistic. Eight years is a curious age. He’s old enough to understand most of it. You can’t lie about what happened or try to sugarcoat it. Hayden treated Matthew well, thank God, but the boy had spent most of his life parentless in a ritzy Swiss boarding school. He seems to miss his friends and teachers more than the man he once believed was his father. But he has nice memories of Hayden. He asks me about that, about how a man who could have done such evil could also be kind. I try to explain to him that human beings are more complex than we know, but of course, I don’t really have an answer.
I watch now as Cheryl hands little Ellie to her brother.
Matthew loves his sister. He holds her gently, carefully, like she’s made of glass, but his face beams. As I stare out at him, at my beautiful son, I feel Rachel’s arm snake around me. She stands there and watches too. We all do, all of us struggling to make a life together, and maybe somewhere my father is watching too.
Acknowledgments
The author (who every once in a while likes to refer to himself in the third person) would like to thank the following in no particular order: Ben Sevier, Michael Pietsch, Wes Miller, Kirsiah Depp, Beth de Guzman, Karen Kosztolnyik, Lauren Bello, Jonathan Valuckas, Matthew Ballast, Brian McLendon, Staci Burt, Andrew Duncan, Alexis Gilbert, Janine Perez, Joseph Benincase, Albert Tang, Liz Connor, Rena Kornbluh, Mari Okuda, Rick Ball, Selina Walker, Charlotte Bush, Becke Parker, Sarah Ridley, Glenn O’Neill, Mat Watterson, Richard Rowlands, Fred Friedman, Diane Discepolo, Charlotte Coben, Anne Armstrong-Coben, Lisa Erbach Vance, Cole Galvin, and Robby Hull.
This is the part where we authors usually note that all mistakes are ours, but really, these people are the experts. Why should I take all the heat?
I’d also like to give a quick shout-out to George Belbey, Kathy Cobrera, Tom Florio, Lauren Ford, Hans Laaspere, Barb Matteson, and Wayne Semsey. These people (or their loved ones) made generous contributions to charities of my choosing in return for having their name appear in this novel. If you’d like to participate in the future, email [email protected].
About the Author
HARLAN COBEN is a #1 New York Times bestselling author and one of the world’s leading storytellers. His suspense novels are published in forty-six languages and have been number one bestsellers in more than a dozen countries, with eighty million books in print worldwide. His Myron Bolitar series has earned the Edgar, Shamus, and Anthony Awards, and several of his books have been developed into Netflix original series, including The Stranger, The Innocent, Gone for Good, The Woods, Stay Close, and Hold Tight, as well as the upcoming Amazon Prime series adaptation of Shelter. He lives in New Jersey.