I Shall Be Near to You(42)

‘I understand,’ she says, but I wonder how she can. ‘I won’t ask it of you again.’

We part ways near the tents, but first she takes my arm and says, ‘My name’s Jennie. And thank you.’

Only when she has left does the relief come, and when it’s gone I feel how tired my whole body is.


I AM PAST ready to drop by the time I lay myself down under our tent, but Jeremiah and me ain’t had time for talking yet and he wants it. He wraps his arms, his whole arms, around me. When a shiver goes up my spine, his arms tighten.

‘Rabbits running over my grave,’ I say.

His lips find my neck and plant tiny kisses there, telling me what he has in his mind. I can’t help it though and sink toward sleep like a bucket down the well. But what I see there in the dark makes me want to draw back, and Jeremiah’s kisses are the rope pulling me up.

‘You okay?’ he asks, his finger tracing my jaw.

‘I’m fine.’

‘You’re real quiet.’

‘Mrs. Chalmers knows what I am,’ I whisper.

Jeremiah starts. ‘What?’

‘She guessed it. And now she knows.’

‘How does she know?’ Jeremiah asks, and even if I can’t see it, I can feel him looking at me.

‘Because I got sick, seeing that hospital, seeing—She just knew, and I couldn’t lie,’ I say in a small voice.

‘You told her?’

‘No, not in so many words. She already knew!’

‘We’ve got to be more careful. You can’t go around—’

‘I know.’ My voice cracks.

Jeremiah props himself up on his elbow and looks down on me. ‘Was it bad, at that hospital?’

‘That hospital makes Doc Cuck look gentle,’ is all I can bring myself to say, when any one of those boys in that hospital could be Jeremiah, or me, how maybe Joseph is already gone, never seeing his Mama again. I think about if I will ever see my folks back home again in this world, if my Mama would come if I sent her a letter like the one Joseph sent. I hope that what Thomas Stakely says is true, that all the Union needs is one good win and this war will be over.





CHAPTER

15


FORT CORCORAN, VIRGINIA: LATE APRIL 1862

This ain’t what I signed on for, sitting here watching them Rebs, letting them get ready and we just wait! When’s McClellan going to move on Yorktown? He ain’t hardly even bombarded those Seceshes! We should be chasing those fools back to South Carolina! Or at least to Richmond!’ Sully says, getting all worked up for his morning sermonizing about McClellan this or Rebs that, his spindly arms flapping about while we finish our breakfast and drink what passes for coffee in this Army. If he’s the one coming off picket, he’s even worse.

‘Seems to me the farther away you get from those Rebs, the more you talk about killing them,’ I say. ‘You talk this big sitting out on the line in the dark? How many shots you fire last night?’

The rest of the boys, Jeremiah, Jimmy, and Will, laugh, and that shuts Sully up for a quick moment. Then he sends me a look fit to kill a hog and says before making off for his tent, ‘You got the heart of a woman and no stomach for war, so your words don’t mean one thing.’

‘He ain’t lying,’ I say. ‘I like getting paid and not getting killed and still doing right by the Union.’

We sit like that for a spell, watching Jimmy rake his fingers through his ginger hair sticking up like a mad porcupine. When he’s got it looking almost presentable, he asks what we’ve all been starting to wonder.

‘Where do you think Henry got to?’

‘You know Henry,’ Jeremiah says. ‘He’s got his own time for things.’

We go back to sitting quiet and then we hear the rattling thunder of the long roll. We jump up, taking our arms and equipment.

The Regiment gathers outside Captain’s headquarters tent, stacking our weapons before shifting our lines to face Captain.

Henry and bumbling Levi Blalock are there, looking like something worse than sheepish. It’s been days since I last saw her about, but Jennie is off to the side, her small mouth drawn tight, her bandage basket on her thin arm like she’s coming from the hospital. She is working not to look at Captain, and anybody can see she ain’t happy either, even before she swipes the back of her hand across her eyes.

‘Gentlemen,’ Captain says. ‘I have set these soldiers before you as an example, not that you might follow them, but that you might turn away from their worthless and low behavior. These two among you have done a disservice to the Army of the Potomac and this Regiment, and shall be disciplined accordingly.’

Captain stalks to stand in front of Henry. ‘Henry O’Malley, do you deny falling asleep on picket duty last night and, through your irresponsible actions, putting not only your Regiment but this Army and this nation at peril?’

Henry, his face blazing even brighter, doesn’t say one word, just shakes his head.

‘I could have you SHOT for such conduct!’ Captain yells, but Henry don’t lift his head. Behind me Jimmy sucks in a long breath. Captain keeps yelling, nose to nose with Henry. ‘It is a MERCY that I am assigning to you one week of picket duty strapped to a stick.

‘And you, Levi Blalock, caught DESERTING last night by other members of the picket line doing their DUTY. Do you deny it?’ Levi’s face is pale and he looks everywhere but at Captain. ‘DO YOU DENY IT?’ Captain yells again, and Levi hunches his shoulders, like he’s expecting a blow.