How to Kill Your Family(102)

So you’d killed our cousin. But why? As far as I could tell, he was a nice man with no connection to you. You wouldn’t benefit from his death financially, and I couldn’t see what you got out of it emotionally. It buzzed around my head, getting worse and worse because I couldn’t tell anyone about what I knew.

I guess a therapist looking at me around that time would say I was still processing Christopher’s death, and for all I don’t hold with that stuff, they’d probably be spot on. On top of that I was bombarded by Simon, who had stepped up his demand for contact, plus I had Lottie asking me to come home every time she called. I felt quite bonkers. As a deflection from it all, I kept on following you, desperate to figure it out, to know why you’d done it. I became a man slightly possessed. For a while, things went quiet and I scratched my head wondering why you’d kill our cousin and then blend back into the background. I started running, following your routes, but you never did anything out of the ordinary. But a few months later, you started to go to nightclubs and bars alone. I started going too, always sitting a little way away, careful to try to blend in. It’s not hard to do that, Grace, when you’re a fairly average-looking white guy in a smart establishment. I seem to blend in well, you’ve never seemed to remember my face, though I was by your side for months. Besides, you weren’t looking for me. You were on the hunt. For our uncle, it turned out. That’s when I started to figure out what was going on. I suppose you’d think I was a bit slow at the uptake really. But my feelings towards Simon were nothing like yours, and it took me a while to try to put myself in your shoes. Even when I did, I couldn’t muster up the burning hatred it would take to carry out such a plan. Watching you spend hours waiting in bars only for your eyes to light up when Lee walked in, that could only be something you’d planned.

I still wasn’t entirely certain, mind you. For a while, I thought you were playing out some kind of mad fetish where you were actually going to sleep with your own uncle. I’m sorry for thinking that, but you’ve got to admit it’s weird to watch someone walk into a sex club with a relative. I enjoyed that night actually. It’s not something I’d normally go in for but I thought I’d better get in character. At an orgy, a man in chinos would probably stick out more than a bloke in assless chaps would at an annual budget meeting. I wore a mask which made me feel like I was playing a role and I was sad I had to leave the fun early when you took Lee down the hall to a private room.

Anyway, when I saw what happened, I knew exactly what was going on. I waited for you to leave the room, of course, loitering in the dimly lit corridor. Do you remember me looking you up and down, our hands brushing? I was both impressed by the boldness of killing a man in a busy nightclub and slightly horrified that you’d left him to be found by someone else. Me, as it happened. I left him too, of course. But I suspect that bulging face won’t leave my brain for a long time yet.

You were killing our family. I had no proof you’d got to Kathleen and Jeremy, but it didn’t take much to imagine you flying out to Spain, hiring a car and ramming them off the road. You took a much more rough and ready approach as a beginner, didn’t you? But I guess you were intent on making each death look like an accident, and two old people driving off a cliff in the dark is an easy initial win.

Now I had to decide what to do with this information. The Artemis family wasn’t big – and the only ones (that you hadn’t bumped off) connected with the money were Simon’s wife and daughter, and his sister-in-law. That’s if it was the money that was driving you. If I had to guess, I’d say there was more to it though. From the little I saw of your life, you lived a pretty boring existence. Not many friends, no big career (I hope that’s not offensive to you) and a small flat in a dingy street. Almost like you were treading water until … until what? Until you rid the world of your toxic family and could then go forth and prosper? I harbour very little resentment towards Simon because I had a wonderful life with Lottie and Christopher and my sisters. Had it not been for Jean, I would have gone on happily because I had that foundation. I still will. But you didn’t. And maybe that made you obsessed with the unfairness of it all. It is unfair, Grace. Out of all of us entangled in this mess, you got the short straw, didn’t you?

After a few days turning it over in my mind, and a bracing conversation with Simon which involved him shouting at me for not being able to come to his office at 11 a.m. one Wednesday, I decided that I would let whatever you were doing play out. Partly, I felt that you should be allowed to right the wrongs done to you. And partly, since I’m being honest, because I weighed up what was best for me and realised that you might be doing me a favour. Two things made my decision. One is that I wanted Simon out of my life. I could now see the future, and it involved spending time with him whenever he demanded it. The money he’d given me had made him feel like he’d earned it, and I could not bear the idea of being absorbed into his family, driving around in his Bentley and spending summers in Marbella. The other thing was, if you did succeed in cutting down the lot of them, I’d be in line for some of the fortune. You see, Grace, I’m a happy hypocrite. I didn’t want much to do with dear old Dad, but I would be completely at ease with taking some of the spoils. Money is money, no matter how you come by it. And I would use it in a different way to Simon. No brash displays of excess, no gold taps. I was meant to have money, or so I’ve always thought. I’d be rather good at it I think. And your plan could get me there faster than toiling away trying to work my way up the ladder.