How to Kill Men and Get Away With It(64)

‘Charlie?’ I attempt to say, but it comes out as a croak.

He looks up, alarmed. ‘Kitty? You’re awake? Stay there.

I need to get a nurse.’ He flings his book down and almost trips over his own feet in a scramble to get out of the room. Nurse though?

I attempt to sit up but realise I’m hooked up to a machine. And this isn’t my bedroom at all. It’s a hospital and I should’ve known by that horrible smell. I can feel my heart start to speed up and my breathing getting shallow. The beginnings of a panic attack, but because of my ridiculously painful throat, I can’t get my breathing under control. I feel myself beginning to spiral when Charlie comes back in with a middle-aged woman, who I assume is a nurse.

‘Shhh, shhh,’ she says, obviously sensing my panic. ‘Let’s sit you up and get your breathing under control. You’re safe.’ She strokes my hair and holds my hand as she breathes slowly with me. Sure enough, after about a minute I’m feeling much calmer. ‘Right, let’s get you some water. I bet your throat is feeling awful.’ She pours me some water from a jug on the hospital-standard bedside table and I swallow it down urgently, wincing slightly.

‘What’s going on?’ I ask, my voice sounding unfamiliar.

‘You’re in recovery love, you’re okay,’ the nurse says.

‘Kitty, do you not remember?’ Charlie’s staring at me in horror.

I shake my head, confused.

‘You tried to kill yourself. I had to get Rehan to let me into your apartment because you weren’t posting or answering your phone or door or anything for days. We’ve all been so worried. And when I got in, you were in bed, empty packets of pills and drink everywhere, you were completely unresponsive. I had to call an ambulance.’

The nurse nods. ‘We had to pump your stomach, hun.’

Hun? I shake my head again. ‘No, I wasn’t trying to kill myself.’

‘Well, you did a damned good impression of someone trying to. This one probably saved your life,’ the nurse says. Charlie does that adorable blushing thing that makes me melt. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Tired. Confused.’

‘Okay, I’m gonna get a doctor to come and take a look at you. Back soon. You want some more water?’

I nod gratefully and she pours me another glass before heading out the door, humming.

Charlie comes and sits down next to me on the bed and takes my hand. ‘Kitty. Why didn’t you call me?’

He actually thinks I tried to top myself. Christ.

‘Charlie, I really wasn’t trying to kill myself,’ I say, but I can tell by the look in his eyes that he doesn’t believe me.

‘I know you’ve been struggling with … stuff,’ he says, squeezing my hand.

‘But—’

He puts a finger gently to my lips. ‘Look I’ve been in some really dark places too. When my dad cut me off, I was devastated. It was only my brother who kept me going sometimes. I was proper depressed. On pills, the lot. I thought about ending it all too. Lots of times.’

Oh, Jesus. Please stop this.

‘What I’m trying to say is I know what it’s like. And I’m going to help you through. Okay? I’m here for you. I’m coming to stay with you until you’re better. I’ve told the doctors. They’ve been on about admitting you or something if there’s no one to look after you at home.’

‘Charlie, that’s kind but I don’t need a babysitter.’

Charlie frowns. ‘It wasn’t an offer. It’s happening. It’s that or a psych ward.’ He leans forwards and kisses me on the lips, which can’t be a very nice experience if the taste in my mouth is anything to go by. A psych ward or my ex-boyfriend who thinks I tried to kill myself.

The lovely nurse comes back in, this time accompanied by a doctor with the beardiest beard I have ever seen in my life.

Surely that can’t be hygienic?

My breathing starts to quicken again, but Charlie softly strokes my hand with his thumb and I begin to calm.

‘Hello, Kitty.’ He chuckles. ‘Ah Hello Kitty.’ The room remains tumbleweed silent. He coughs. ‘Well, you gave us quite a scare, young lady, but luckily there’s been no serious damage. One of our psychiatrists will be here later to have a chat with you and we’ll go from there. At the moment, I don’t think there’s any need for you to be admitted. And Mr Chambers here has said he’ll stay with you while we help you work through what brought you here.’

I have a sudden flashback of trying to stem the bleeding from Ruben Reynold’s neck. I’m really not sure anyone probing into my mind is a good idea. Charlie is nodding supportively.

‘I’ve told Kitty that I’m happy to stay with her as long as necessary. I’ll sleep on the sofa. You need someone to look after you. You’re fragile.’

‘Yes, I think that’s a good idea. You’re very lucky to have someone who cares about you so much.’

Charlie gazes at me and there is such adoration in his eyes it makes me want to scream. I’m not who you think I am. I’m not what you think I am.

‘Anyway,’ the doctor continues, ‘let’s leave Kitty alone because the psychiatrist will be here shortly.’

Charlie kisses my hand. ‘I’ll be right outside, baby, okay? I’m sorry. I love you.’