Holly Banks Full of Angst (Village of Primm, #1)(67)
“I’ll drive her,” Jack said, kneeling down to help Ella with her other shoe.
“That’s probably a good idea,” Holly said, holding her head. “But you might want to change your clothes.”
“I’m in my pajamas.” Jack glanced at the undershirt and blue-and-white-striped drawstring pajama pants he’d slept in. “Why in the world would I drive Ella to school in my pajamas?”
23
Later that morning
[FIRST PHONE MESSAGE]
(Beeeeeep.) Hi, Lavender! It’s me! Mary-Margaret St. James. Hip! Hip! Although, hmm. I suppose after tossing your cookies last night at the Scrap and Swap you’re not feeling the “hooray” in your heart, now, are you? Get it? Tossing your cookies? Ha! No. I guess you were tossing my cookies. Oh, well, no feelings hurt. I can always bake more. Silly peanut butter recall. Call the White House! Say, you are coming to today’s—[CLICK.]
[SECOND PHONE MESSAGE]
(Beeeeeep.) Golly. What’s wrong with your voice mail? [CLICK.]
[THIRD PHONE MESSAGE]
(Beeeeeep.) Now, remember! You are coming to today’s PTA meeting—right? The school librarian is using our meeting space to prep for the book fair, so we’re moving the meeting to the boardroom at the Topiary Park. My husband is on the board of directors. Finance chair. He’s doing everything he can to save Plume. Last year, she almost died of fungal leaf spot. Fungal leaf spot! Now they’re worried about chilli thrips. Ha! Chilli thrips. They’re bugs, by the way. Can you believe it? Sounds like a teenager ordering chicken strips after an orthodontist appointment. Chilli thrips with flesh flies, peez. Get it? Chilli thrips?! I’m such a silly girl . . . ha! One more thing: peekaboo! [CLICK.]
[FOURTH PHONE MESSAGE]
(Beeeeeep.) Don’t forget the cupcakes! [CLICK.]
EMAIL—Time Sent: 9:18 a.m.
TO: Psychic Betty, Psychic Hotline Network
FROM: Holly Banks
SUBJECT: Negative Energy
I’m worried I’m attracting the wrong kind of people. Specifically, PTA narcissists and mothers with addictive behaviors (my mom, actually). Or is it just me? Am I being negatively affected by their energy? I feel like I’M crazy because THEY’RE crazy.
Please look into your crystal ball and answer me this:
1. Will Mary-Margaret ever leave me the frick alone? She dang near killed me yesterday.
2. Will my mom ever settle down and stop gambling? She makes me feel I have no ground beneath my feet. I should be more confident at my age, shouldn’t I?
3. Is my husband having an affair or is he telling me the truth and he’s “just” involved in a little something that might not be entirely legal?
P.S. This is Holly Banks. A lot has happened since our last email. I’ve missed you, Psychic Betty. How’ve you been?
EMAIL—Time Received: 9:45 a.m.
TO: Holly Banks
FROM: Psychic Betty, Psychic Hotline Network
SUBJECT: I’ve missed you, too, Holly Banks.
Scrying, the art of looking into a crystal ball and using its piezoelectric properties, has been in use for thousands of years, but sadly, despite smoking a lot of pot in my youth (and okay, I smoked a little a few hours ago), I lack scrying powers. So here’s my hunch, based on years of honing my psychic ability. Just to be sure, I pulled some tarot cards for further enlightenment.
1. AVOIDING MARY-MARGARET: Some relationships are toxic, turn your stomach, and feel like poison to your soul, eating away at your self-esteem and sense of well-being. Have you thought about tuning her out? Maybe raising your frequency?
The Law of Vibration is this: Nothing is at rest. The universe and everything in it, including the creatures of the sea (shrimp scampi, oysters Rockefeller, crab cakes, fried calamari) are in constant motion. Every molecule in your body is held in place because of the programmed resonant frequency applied to it. Create a loving energy for yourself and your world, and you’ll raise your personal vibration frequency, reach a higher realm, and ward off negative energies. Like creating an invisible shield or bubble around your body, when you raise your frequency through self-love, in a resolute spirit of self-acceptance and calm, you can block any negative energies she’s throwing your way, perhaps even reflect them back onto her. Now that’ll twist her panties.
2. WILL YOUR MOM STOP GAMBLING: I wouldn’t bet on it. I suspect she’s built a good poker face over time and is at peace with the notion that in life, ya win some, ya lose some. Want to loosen its control over you? Try changing or manipulating the colors in your aura and/or chakras. Color is associated with specific vibrational frequencies. When there is a predominance of two colors in one environment or relationship, it affects the balance of the vibrational frequencies, which tends to influence not just the activities in that environment or relationship, but the attitudes of those around it. Seek harmonious colors. Avoid mustard tones. Melancholy, shame, feelings of inferiority and regret serve no one.